Tag: Writing

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Next Stop, The Unknown

Do you must know? Do you must have the answers to those questions, right here right now?

It’s a big ask, isn’t it?

Let’s face it. It’s not the future’s fault. It’s just doing its job – to be unknown. Stop bothering the future, leave it alone, leave it where it is. Take a small step one second, one minute, one hour and one day at a time, instead.

There you go. You get your hands dirty, you plant the crops to the best of your ability. You time well, you give your 100%, you do whatever humanly can. You have a wealth of knowledge and skills in the field. Still, there’s no guarantee. The rest is up to Mother Nature or Father Nature or whatever greater than you. You’re at her/his mercy in all sorts of conditions. You remain optimistic under any circumstances, hope for a bumper harvest in the coming season but you have NO say, NO control over the final outcome.

What on earth am I mentioning about growing crops here?

I still remember those job seeking days. When I was very unsure, farmers/growers are the group of people whom I drew inspirations from for dealing with my own uncertainty and insecurity. You just get up, live through the unknown, find a better way and try again. It was this mindset that helped me get through those tough times.

That was then in early 2013. I was at the career crossroads and in the midst of midlife crisis. The only thing that was known to me when I woke up every morning was nothing but the unknown. Then later I realised whatever I want to know about tomorrow, time will tell in a matter of 24 hours. It’s today that takes us there into tomorrow, the future. Isn’t it about time to give credit to today it so well deserves?

No matter what the future holds, I already have this experience under my belt. That’s all I know and that’s enough for me to know…

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Fake It Won’t Make You Make It

Success looks like a high-end commodity. Everyone wants to have a piece of it. It’s up for grabs if you do the work required. So, what does it take to get there? Well, they say fake it till you make it. Is there such a thing?

Surely, no one likes to be called a fake. We can copy success but to fake success? It’s a No for me.

We know what’s behind a prestigious brand. The name says it all – world class craftsmanship that is second to none and of course an expensive price tag! If you can afford to buy a luxury item from their collection, you get what you pay for – quality plus a fancy label. As for fake stuff? You won’t go anywhere near it. It goes against everything you believe in – authenticity – the real, genuine, right stuff.

Back in November 2017 when I started my blogging journey as a first timer, I was super excited about my newfound identity. So much so I went to update my Facebook profile to say that I’m a blogger and a writer. Excitement aside, I must admit there was a bit of discomfort that came with it. Why? I didn’t believe I’d done enough to live up to the name. My self-proclaimed title felt more like a fantasy than a reality. While writing had never been a stranger to me, my harshest critic (aka myself) wasn’t so kind: Work at it, you aren’t there yet. I agreed. What’s the point of telling the world when you have nothing to brag about? A few days later I decided to take it down and leave it where it was before – a blank space.

Some 16 months in the making…

After having published several posts on my blog, I thought I had something to rave about my work, so I went back to update my Facebook profile again. Contrary to last time, this time I felt more in tune with the new identity – it has an actual substance in it.

These days anyone can call themselves anything they like, I’m an expert in this field or in that field. The thing is if you don’t have evidence to back it up, it’ll fall short very quickly. The notion of fake it till you make it may seem like a well-founded argument on the outside but once we unpack it, we’ll see there’s a hole in it.

Be a runner of your life…

An ex colleague of mine is a marathon runner. He doesn’t call himself one for nothing. He’s done hours of training and run several marathons here and abroad. It’s not always a fun game to play. There’s plenty of sweat. If you don’t have mental and physical toughness, don’t ever think about it. When the camera is rolling, all eyes are on who’s going to cross the finishing line first, you can’t simply fake it to make it.

If you want to know who a real runner is and who isn’t, just check the soles of his/her shoes. A pair of shoes that have been worn and run over hundreds of miles leaves a trace and evidence. You can’t erase it, you can’t fake it. No one can take away from it.

In life, we each run our own race. For me, being a mediocrity isn’t a problem. I see it as part of the process. It’s like a mid-point to success. Remember, if our paths cross or you see me half way, please say hi…

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Have No Time To Write? Think Small!

Have no time to write? Me too. Somehow, I doubled/tripled my output in July.

We all strive to have it all, live a rich, meaningful life, but in the process, certain obligations can take hold and become high priorities, as such we usually end up putting our dreams aside, leaving ourselves with no time to do those things that are equally fulfilling and rewarding. Funnily enough, we even consider them as a guilty pleasure.

When can time be finally on our side?

Lots of us have a full-time work commitment and/or a family commitment or a study commitment. Everyone is time-poor these days, who’s got a whole big block of time that can be set aside for writing or anything else?

Perhaps it’s a question of over commitment or maybe a lack of time management in our ability? But all I know for sure is if at the end of day, I haven’t done at least one thing I enjoy doing, it’d mean that day has been wasted. Of course, it may sound a bit exaggeration. After all, from a physics’ point of view, energy is created and transformed (but not “wasted”) to somewhere. It’s true even when we’re stationary. The challenge is where do we put energy to good use to, so it’ll serve us?

For me, it’s writing.

Having written 9 posts in a month is my new record. From the very beginning, I didn’t set out to achieve anything, nor did I have a number in mind, I just wanted to write as often as possible, whenever and wherever I could. Then just let the results speak for themselves.

So there I was in July. I wrote when I was standing, I wrote when I was sitting, while on the bus, during my lunch break, after work hours, at home between house chores. Even at times when I didn’t have a smart phone with me (like when I was in the bathroom), I still stayed relatively active in writing in my head. Word by word, paragraph by paragraph, little did I know, a post was then born out of a blank page. It was a great feeling.

Much has been said about work life balance. For me, it’s all about compromising and sacrificing. To inject writing into my already busy schedules requires a bit learning – how to make the most of my free time. Got only 5 or 10 minutes in between? Not a problem! It’s a matter of setting up smaller blocks of time here and there, then allocating writing to each time slot as you go along – So useful and practical, it’s set a good precedent for my writing ritual to continue this way going forward.

Enough said. Just crunch the numbers!

Amazingly, on any given day, on average I’ll have spare 2 to 3 hours to do just that – something I wouldn’t have thought possible. It’s quite astonishing to watch how little things can add up quickly to become a giant if done consistently and systematically, which has led me to think that if I could do it with writing, what else on the horizon can I also achieve?

Watch this blank space…

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Is Silence Our Ally Or Enemy?

Are you not on speaking terms with anyone? And? How long has this Cold War been going on for? Any hope that it’ll end soon? While you’re still in the midst of it, who’s suffering from it?

Chances are we’ve all done it before. I guess we’re all guilty of it too. Like it or not, sometimes we can get a bit passive aggressive in our behaviour – whether it’s in a verbal or non-verbal form.

Our interactions with other fellow human beings are as complicated as ever. Parents, partners, friends, relatives, bosses, co-workers, customers or strangers etc, we don’t always agree with them, neither do they with us. Conflict does occur from time to time. Even to our best effort and ability, some people simply don’t (want to) change. Well, to be fair, they may think the same about us, too. So, what do we do? Silence?

Before I go on. Shhh… Please stay quiet! Silence in progress!

Silence is like a secret weapon. Perhaps it’s our last resort! It’s subtle yet overt. We use it to teach people a lesson. But has anyone learned from it? Is it serving anyone?

With no words exchanged, what does it leave with us? It may seem peaceful on the outside but on the inside, it may not be as simple as the outside appears to be, the storm is wreaking havoc on us. Are we really getting things resolved by an act of pure silence?

In fact, silence is another form of communication. At its core, it’s manipulative. To state the obvious, deep down, we want to control the outcome, except this time round we do it from a different standpoint – we watch from the sidelines. We care but act like we don’t care. We don’t talk but we do lots of mind reading.

Is it true that silence is golden? Some practice silence like a virtue we should worship and follow. For me, silence has always got some negative connotation to it.

Here’s a bizarre case of silence I’d like to share with you. It dates back to 2003 when I was joining in a new team. I remember that morning my manager took me aside and said: Ted, don’t take it personally if Charlie doesn’t want to talk to you. Looking slightly confused, my instant reaction was: Are you serious? Really? Why is he like that?

So yes, in the office open space, Charlie sat merely a metre away from me. He’d refused to talk to me about anything since day one: no morning or afternoon greetings, no work stuff discussions, not acknowledging my existence, just nothing. Zero, none.

The situation continued like this for the next 2 years. It was awkward, uncomfortable to be there. The silence slowly worked its way to erode my confidence and affect me to the point that I felt like:

  • I was just an outsider
  • I was just a number
  • I was just part of the furniture
  • I didn’t fit in or belong

Then what? One day out of blue, like magic, over a team member’s farewell dinner, he pulled his chair closer to mine and started talking to me as if he’d known me for years – I’d been so used to his silence treatment that a token of his new gesture like this really took me by surprise. I literally had to look left and right and make sure he was talking to no one else but me. I was left feeling speechless and joyful, but at the same puzzled… I wondered why he suddenly decided to break his silence and connect with me. Perhaps I’d passed his character test?

The next day I went to tell my manager about it. He was very happy for me but sounded a bit sarcastic in his reply. He said: Well done Ted. Congratulations! It took me a bit longer. 3 years!

The moral of the story? Silence doesn’t build bridges, it burns bridges.

Don’t get me wrong about silence. A temporary silence such as doing meditation or just having a quiet moment alone can give us a leverage to gain clarity and calmness inside. But the long-standing silence that’s deliberately plotted and done in such a way over an extended period, with a hidden agenda, may prove to be more disastrous and counter-productive than helpful.

As you can see, when it comes to silence, there’s so much to explore – its depth, its causes and effects. I can’t be silent on the topic of silence. Very ironic!

Overall, silence does play a part in our lives. It’s not going away, nor can we escape from it. To capitalise on its impacts, it really depends on our intentions. With bad intentions, silence is like the clam before the storm, its detrimental side effects may not be apparent at first but can later make things go from bad to worse, worse to the worst. With good intentions, silence can buy us time and space, pave a way to better understanding ourselves and others, create a win-win situation for both sides.

If silence is your department, what does your silence “say” about you?

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A Confession Of A Gatekeeper

Gone are the days when businesses could afford to sit and wait for customers to arrive at their doorstep and buy their stuff. These days you need to go out there and get them. If an opportunity doesn’t present itself sooner enough, what do you to? You go and create one yourself.

Don’t expect it to be an easy ride. Why not? There’re many good sales people around, and they all want the same thing – a big piece of the pie, more customers and more profits. If you’re a sales person, you may think you have a brilliant idea, fantastic products and services. And next? How do you stand out from the crowd? How do you find your customers?

If advertising and marketing campaigns don’t do you justice, you may want to try out something more direct and proactive – cold calling (telemarketing) or door knocking (door-to-door sales). That’s not a bad idea. But, beware! What you’ll likely face is a big Great Wall of China in front of you – gatekeepers! Who are they? They can be someone who answers your phone call or the door first. You surely want to please these people and make good lasting impressions when you turn up abruptly; however, you don’t want to appear too eager or desperate in your approach, or you’ll scare them off and end up having your call hung up or the door slammed right in your face. All in all, you are a sale person but you don’t want to sound like a sales person too much, or your sales pitch will soon fall on deaf ears, be forgotten in no time.

In my day job, I get to wear different hats. On any given day, I’m one of those gatekeepers who screens unsolicited phone calls and strangers/visitors in the office. My position as office manager is to decide who gets the opportunities and who doesn’t. It’s not all fun and games but someone has to do it.

It’s no surprise that over the years the number of offers I’ve turned down outweighs the number of offers I’ve accepted. After all I’m here to protect my company interest. Not all invitations are welcome unfortunately. From my perspectives, those who didn’t get the nod from me were someone who:

  • Were very ambiguous about the nature of the call when asked.
  • Called from overseas and weren’t familiar with our industry or geography.
  • Didn’t introduce themselves properly, their name, the company they were representing.
  • Were very persistent and overbearing in their approach, didn’t take No for an answer. Even sounded rude or behaved aggressively when I said I’m not interested.
  • Products and services weren’t relevant to our industry or suited our needs at that time.

On a positive note, one person that got the nod from me was a sales executive from an office supplies company. Here’s the reason why:

  • He was polite and professional to deal with. On his first visit, he took time to explain his products and services well and how they could save us time and money. Before I closed the door, he left me with their product catalogue and his business card for the future reference. I remember I said No to him on two occasions. But on his third visit, it also came a time when I was sick and tired of getting office supplies (including reams of copy paper) myself from downstairs, so I decided to give him a try and order online. Since then, he’d come back visiting me in person, bringing along their new product catalogues or some free samples to try. It wasn’t always about business, sometimes we’d just have a quick catch up over coffee talking about life in general. He not only won my business but also friendship.

There you go, a confession of a gatekeeper – no more Mr Nice guy or Yes man. At the end of the day, it’s all about knowing what makes gatekeepers tick, before you have a chance to get your foot in the door. Agree?

Good luck!

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My Quick Guide To Paying Off Mortgage Years Faster

You love money, who doesn’t?! but how do you make money love you back? Money money must be funny? Well, only when you have enough to live by. When you don’t, it’s not so much a laughing matter. Money, love it or hate it, we still work for it, none of us wants to live a day without it. Almost everything we do depends on it. Even charities need money to run and do their good deeds.

Is money a devil or an angel? Maybe both? Money may have two faces but money itself isn’t a problem. It’s our money habits that determine whether money will work for us or against us.

The concept of one dollar saved is one dollar earned still rings true for me to this date. It’s old school like a grandma’s advice but it’s stood the test of time and proved to be a steady way to getting money in shape. In my experience, it’s helped me get through those tough days when I was a bit low in cash.

What do you do with your money? If buying a home is on the cards, you can be sure that it’ll be one of the biggest investments you’ll ever have in your life. Unless you’re self-funded, that is, using your own money, otherwise it’s a whole new board game waiting for you to play. And? You want to play to win!

Buying a home isn’t for the fainthearted. The first challenge most new home buyers face is to save enough funds for a deposit. To achieve that, it means the spending habits will need to be modified, if their finance isn’t already in good shape. Of course, you don’t want to squeeze yourself too much or it’ll feel like you’re suffocating. When it comes to money savings, a little goes a long way. It’s doable even if you’re someone who gets regular pay cheque every fortnight/month, with no other source of income. Start saving today and you’ll see your money tree grow bigger beyond your imagination. I’d say a realistic time frame to give yourself is 2 to 5 years if you’re a newcomer.

So, what are things you can save on? Try small things first and bigger ones later.

  • Coffees: If you buy coffees 5 times a week, try to reduce it to 2 or 3 times a week.
  • Grocery Shopping: Buy in bulk and put those essential items in your trolley only when they’re on special.
  • Transport: If getting off the bus one stop earlier means you can save $1.00 each time. Do it. It’ll make a great work out. Win win!

To get more serious about savings, the following 3 saving tips aren’t negotiable:

  • Eating out: Cutting down on restaurant bills and do more home cooking. Cheap and cheerful.
  • Holidays: Take day trips in your city that don’t require overnight accommodation. I’ve always preferred my own pillows.
  • Entertainment: Do those fun and free activities instead of those that require you to spend money on. I’m not sure if the best things in life are free, but the funniest things definitely are.

Once you’ve got your hard-earned money saved up for a deposit (ideally 20%), it’s important to talk to a reputable home mortgage provider first (personally, I’m conservative, I prefer banks) to see how much you can borrow from there, before you begin your home hunt. That way, it’ll give you a good idea of what the house price range you can afford to buy. It’ll also give you a quick snapshot of what repayments would look like should you decide to take up the loan.

When you got your mortgage account set up, congrats! All the paper work and nitty gritty stuff is behind you. What you’ll see in your first bank statement for the first time is tonnes of money, a big number – in negative! Welcome! You’ve signed your life away! Mortgage, it’s daunting to just look at it, let alone paying it off. Have I scared you off already?

In Australia, the average loan size is $384,700.00 in 2018 according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS). That’s one hell of a debt to carry. The number is even bigger in Sydney, $462,100 to be precise. Imagine, you’ll have it on your shoulders for the next 25 years or 30 years. How old will you be when you finally get it down to zero? If not careful with money, you’ll soon feel stuck in a rut and be miserable for a long time.

The bottom line is you want to get out of debt as quickly as you can. Let your income work harder for you by having it in an offset account to reduce the loan interest. Beware! Not everyone wants you to be debt free sooner, especially your bank. Our love-hate relationship with banks is here to stay. On one hand, they lend you money so you can buy a home, on the other, they have an eye on their self-interest – interest on your loan, so to speak. When it comes to money, it’s very point-blank, very much black and white (or red). Either you have it or you don’t. If you do, sweet! Be my guest. If you don’t, you’re a stranger, they don’t want to know you. Simple as that.

So, here it is. My Quick Guide To Paying Off Home Mortgage Years Faster. Sounds fancy! I know it’s a bit basic and raw… Huh? Have I just heard someone say… Who do you think you are Ted?! What makes you qualified to speak on this topic? Hmmm… Not bragging here but I’ve followed own advice and paid off my mortgage in 13 years as opposed to 30 years – the life of the loan. That’s 17 years faster! I guess I must’ve done something right, right?

Please also check out my previous blog post: https://tsaited.com/2018/10/29/say-bye-bye-to-mortgage-years-earlier/

I hope you’ll find it helpful.

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We’ve Got 4 Letters To Save Lives

Everyone can do it, it all starts with one simple and sincere question: R U OK?

R U OK? is a suicide prevention charity in Australia. Their mission is “to inspire and empower everyone to meaningfully connect with people around them and support anyone struggling with life.”

Following R U OK? Day on 12 September 2014, I came up with this crazy idea: to reach out to strangers and give away those spare R U OK? Biscuits from our office kitchen table.

So, time to walk the walk! During my lunch time that day, I ventured into Sydney’s Botanic Gardens to start off the “promotion”. It was quite a brave move as I’d never done things like that before. Putting my nervousness aside, I thought: Oh well, there’ll always be a first time anyway. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. So what?! If they reject me. They aren’t monsters, they aren’t going to eat me alive.

First, I approached to a gardener who was on a small gardening transport. When he stopped in front of me, I got the opportunity to ask him if he’d like to have a pack of biscuits. He smiled and accepted it. I thought Wow that wasn’t too hard. Feeling rather confident, next I walked up to a lovely middle-aged couple and asked them the same question. They were pleasantly surprised by my random acts of kindness. Yes, they also smiled and accepted it. I thought great, my lucky day, it’s been well received. Time to challenge myself. Shortly after that, I deliberately selected some “hard targets”. What did I get out of it? A few “No, thanks” friendly responses.

As my lunch time was about to run out, I still had 2 packs of biscuits left in my hand. I decided to keep them to myself as a small reward for stepping out my comfort zone.

The next day, I posted this story on my Facebook and said:

I just wanted to spread a bit kindness. 3 people received mine today. If each of them does the same. By next Friday, in just seven days, 3+9+27+81+243+729+2187=3279 people will have received someone’s kindness. It is not hard to make our world a better place!

So, R U OK?

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Revenge Is A Dish Best Not Served…

Huh? Yes, you’ve heard it right.

Revenge is a dish best not served…

Hungry for the payback time? Perhaps someone somewhere is using tactics to lure you into over-reacting or some wrongdoing, then when least expected, they’ll catch you in the act! Backstabbing, calculated sabotage, how worse could it get?

It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. Not that I don’t want to spread the message of love here, but on my journey to building life skills, I’ve been for many times confronted with the dark side of human nature. It’d defeat the purpose of creating this website, if I didn’t allow myself to explore every facet of human DNA and the complexity of characters we later developed throughout various stages of our lives – the good, the beautiful, the bad and the ugly. When it comes to human nature, I simply can’t go passed one that I love to hate and hate to love – revenge.

If you have a tit for tat on your plate, chances are you already put yourself in a victim category. The thing is when people try anything they can to get even, odds are stacked against them. It may sound like it’s a play on words here, but history and experiences have shown us AND taught us that revenge in any shape or form if not done “rightfully” tends to backfire and inflict more pains on ourselves.

There’s a clear distinction between revenge and seeking justice. Revenge is about returning the same level of harm to an offender. It’s done normally through (but not limited to) “taking the matters into your own hands” or “the back door”, whereas seeking justice is about bringing fairness and appropriate punishments to an offender. It’s achieved normally through law or other “public” channels. Each to their own.

We often associate revenge with war. Look around, the world has no shortage of wars. War inevitably causes severe casualties and hardship for any countries involved. What’s more, the side effects continue to haunt the people and economy even in the aftermath of war. We certainly don’t need another war if we can avoid it altogether. More peaceful means like economic/trade sanctions that don’t require the use of arms and deployment of troops are just as effective.

In June, just last month, the world could’ve seen a new war between US and Iran following the incidence when an US surveillance drone was shot down by Iran over the Strait of Hormuz. To retaliate, an air strike was ordered by US President Mr Trump but was only cancelled at the last 10 minutes before the strike was due to be carried out. His change of mind came when he learned that the number of Iranians killed could hit 150.

On a much smaller scale and on a personal level, none of us is a complete angle. If we’re honest to ourselves, we all own a few vices. For me, because of my competitive nature, I’m this stubborn person who’d fight the hardest to have the last word in any argument or debate, especially when I believe that I’m right about it. If I get my own way, sweet! I’d feel like a winner, if I don’t get my own way, bitter! I’d feel like a loser. In such a case, I’d seek out the next opportunities to reclaim the lead. Childish me! But writing this post has been quite a self-discovery roller coaster, it’s led me to see – it’s just my ego talking. Ego gets in the way.

My love-hate relationship with revenge shines through in this blog post. It’s contradictory, perhaps controversial even. I admit, in some cases, I’m totally against revenge, but in other cases, I’m 100% for it. Bitter or sweet, in my book, revenge is a double-edged sword, there’s no one way or the other whichever way I look at it. Given the circumstances, at the end of the day, I’d rather win life than merely win a moment. With this in mind, it’ll help me pick my battles more carefully. For now, revenge is a dish best not served…

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Last Night I Tried To Break Up With My Anxiety

My anxiety has a life of his own. Often, he’s very opinionated, and he doesn’t always listen to me. But guess what?! The tables are about to turn.

Now, he’s devastated. After I decided to break up with him, he’s anxious and worried. Well, he should’ve known better. This is just a little taste of how I felt all those times. Already I can see he’s not coping. Sweet!

He thought he’d have me for life. I thought that too. But last night, I wanted to end a decades-long relationship with him for good. To make the process less complicated, I didn’t even bother telling him what I was planning to do – leaving him.

As clingy as usual, he’s begging me to stay. He says he deserves a second chance. I say, “Sure, fat chance! That’s all you’ll get from me.” Tonight, I’m on my own. Hasta la vista, baby!

Isn’t it funny?! My anxiety gets anxious too. The moment I stop giving a shit about him and what he’s done to me, he starts to freak out like there’s no tomorrow. “Are you threatening to walk out on my life?” You bet, honey.

Anxiety, over the years, has given me nothing but…

  • The worst-case scenarios
  • The black-and-white thought pattern
  • The all-or-nothing mindset
  • False alarms
  • The distorted belief system

It’s so laughable, now he’s giving himself what he’s given me. As much as I’d like to, he won’t get a sympathy vote from me. He’s created a monster himself; now he can deal with it.

In all seriousness, after many lessons learned, I’m now older and wiser. I’m going to be strategic about the existence of anxiety. I won’t waste my breath telling him to fuck off. He won’t leave just because I say so. There’s no competition between myself and my anxiety, only misunderstanding.

I doubt anxiety will ever want to leave me alone. Judging by his track record, he’ll arrive unannounced and knock on my door again when least expected. Rest assured, I won’t kick him out just like that. As I said, the key word here is strategic.

Next time he comes visiting me in his usual signature move, I’ll be around. We’ll play games and have fun together. I’ve got a playhouse for anxiety. Come on in! I’ll be the host, and he’ll be my guest. Coffee or tea, anyone?

Anxiety, I’ve known him long enough to know how he operates. Many people who have gone through their own anxiety attacks and come out of them okay all say one thing that helped them overcome anxiety is acceptance. I totally agree. That’s why I’m not giving my anxiety the convenience (and benefits) of fighting against him. I’ll say it loud and clear: I accept my anxiety without an asterisk mark. No strings attached. No small print.

Anxiety is everywhere. He exists for a reason, but he’s only useful for the “right” reason. Deep down, anxiety is like a security blanket, a comfort zone, trying to protect us from harm even when there’s no visible sign of danger near or far. He’s very judgmental and demanding. But most of all, he just doesn’t know any better.

So, last night I tried to break up with my anxiety. It wasn’t easy for him. After a bit of role-playing, we’ve begun to understand each other better – that’s a step further in the right direction.

After all, he’s just another voice in the head that creates a whirlwind of turmoil inside. That voice is not to be muted but to be listened to and guided back to what is in the present…

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What I Have Learned From Taking The Cold Shower Challenge

Tom Bilyeu was on a podcast talking about one of his daily rituals – having a cold shower. He said it’s helped him reduce his anxiety, a mental illness he’s battled with all his life. Hearing that was like having a light-bulb moment, I thought great! I’m going to give it shot and see what it’ll do to me.

Feeling inspired, I set out this secret goal. I didn’t intend to tell anyone. If I failed or succeeded, no one will know anyway. What’s to lose?

When all is said, what’s next? It all comes down to action, right? When can I start? Hmmm… Maybe tomorrow!

Forget tomorrow! This nagging voice inside kept talking louder and louder like a nuisance: If not now, then when? It’s never. Try it once at least. If I didn’t like it, I can always stop. Deal? Deal! So I agreed. I said to myself: OK, I’m up for it.

Here I was in late March in the Southern Hemisphere. We still had reasonably warm weather (in low 20s Celsius) across Sydney Australia. Autumn in this city is pleasant day and night. But having a cold shower? A crazy idea! It can be too much for this time of the year, don’t you know? – I was in this funny situation, part of me wanting to do it, another part of me trying to talk me out of it.

That’s the thing about getting ready – you will never feel ready. Never ever.

The thought of standing in the shower, having icy cold water all over my body, began to creep into my mind. Do I really want to do it? What am I trying to prove and who am I trying to prove to?

Day One. No grand opening!

It was just like another other day. How do I put it? Undressed, unplanned, unprepared! It’s not an exotic tale. There I was in the middle of the shower space, that one second decision was all it took. I turned on the cold water tap to the full strength. The next thing I knew was the cold water coming down on my body, I stood there, counted from 1 to 10, felt the chill and the excitement, wasn’t thinking anything else. Then I turned it off, towel tried myself. Got the job doe. That was it!

The next day and after, I repeated. As days and weeks went by, I gradually increased my cold shower time from 10 seconds to 1 minute and to full 4 minutes straight! It was insane.

The hardest part? Only the first 3 seconds. There were some swearing words coming out!

To echo the same sentiment felt by Tom Bilyeu’s: It doesn’t get easier every time.

The biggest surprise? I was amazed at just how quickly my body adapted to the changing temperature.

How long will this challenge go on for? As long as it takes. Until I can’t take it anymore.

Approximately 6  weeks later after practicing a consistent day to day cold shower ritual, I got a cold… No matter how much I wanted to continue, my body was telling me, it’s got to stop. So I did.

I realised for my emotional being, I can be as strong and tough as I want to be, but for my physical being, I’m a fragile and vulnerable human being. I should be allowed to be this way, period, no buts. None of us is made of steel. We’re subject to harms and hazards in the environment and everything in there including people (this can be a whole new blog post!). It’s my job to protect my body and give it the best care.

In summary, taking this cold shower challenge was a necessary step for me. It was the homework I had to do before I could proceed to the next level. I just wanted to prove to myself that I can do it, too. It’s no fun putting yourself through an uncomfortable situation but the point is once you come out of it (fears, pains, nerves or whatever) OK, you’ve won the game and gained the new freedom – something no amount of antidepressants or chill pills can give to you.

If I have to reference it to anxiety, then the best way to describe it is the moment right before I turned on the cold water tap, I was always 2 steps away from the shower head, feeling a string of nerves going through my veins. But once the cold water started running, I went tossing away the hesitation, taking 2 steps forward, the nerves disappeared instantly. Then I thought: Is that it? That wasn’t too bad! Half of the time I felt like I was just torturing myself but I must admit it also felt great at the same time. It was weird to have these mixed feelings about it but the truth is I did look forward to my next cold shower experience again and again.

Now my cold is gone, the winter season is here to stay for another 2 months or so. I feel very grateful to have hot water at home whenever I need it. But wait! It’s not over yet. I shall resume my cold shower habit when days get a lot warmer in summer time. By then, I won’t call it a challenge, I’ll call it an enjoyment…

Take care!