Tag: Writing

Before I started this blog, my dearest and harshest critic – myself, had already tried his hardest to talk down the idea.

Questions like: What made you qualify to write this stuff? Are you an expert in this field? Who’s going to read it anyway? For some silly reason, all these negative self-talks were fueled by unfounded insecurity. It could explain why I spent many years sitting on the sidelines and why I became such a latecomer on the writing front.

Ironically, human nature is like this: We sabotage ourselves. It is only when we want something so badly, so bad that we must get up and act. Because you’ve used up all the excuses. No longer do you have the luxury of a last resort. That’s exactly what it is in my case.

In my approach to better understanding the subject matter, I see myself as a student, a learner on the go. Coming from this humble place, it’s enabled me to lay out my writing from a more practical and hands-on standpoint.

As I’m not habitually a happy-go-lucky person or a naturally born hardcore optimistic, writing then provides an outlet for me to crystallize my thoughts in a way that is less biased, judgmental and more balanced and articulate. It complements my effort not to overact in real time.

While no two experiences are alike, it is my hope that my posts have something to offer to readers, perhaps something that resonates well with you, gives you some food for thought or adds a bit value to your day…

One of most frequently asked questions during an interview: What are your weaknesses? seems to have scared the hell out of many applicants. Some people would dread facing this type of question fearing that something they say or not say may jeopardize the chances of landing a job.

Typically, when the stakes are high, so is the stress level. And the stress comes from the need to be perceived a strong person to the outside world. It’s our ego does the talking.

When I last came across this question during the interview process in 2013, I gave a clear and concise answer: I don’t like talking about too many negative things. The interviewer smiled. I thought OK it could be a good sign.

Apparently, there were total 89 applications received, only 5 people were shortlisted according to the HR manager. After going to three interviews, each with a different panel of interviewers, plus one psychometric test, I got the job eventually. Yes, I did win hearts and minds, but not without a fight. A fight to look my best.

Now, more than six years later, I have gained a better perspective on weaknesses. No surprise, I found a close correlation between weaknesses and strengths. They’re an inseparable unit from the same family after all.

Of course, questions along these lines aren’t just about weaknesses alone, they are intended to get you talk about self-awareness. For example, you may be asked about what action you’d taken to address own shortcomings or steps you’d followed to improve the imperfections. More importantly, the bottom line – what the results were.

For long we’ve labelled weaknesses as a black mark or shameful personality traits. We even have a stigma attached to them. However, I’ve noticed that those people who didn’t shy away from talking about their weaknesses, exhibited a great deal of courage and confidence in themselves. If we look more closely, our strengths really lie in our weaknesses. It takes strength to be vulnerable. That’s why there’s a fine line between weaknesses and strengths. Sometimes both are interchangeable.

Well, when all is said and done, where do I go from here? If I can start by saying I need to improve my time management, my sleep and I’m working on it. Now everyone knows, should I go hiding somewhere? I’m proud of myself for having the guts to say it out loud. Now, over to you!

It’s true that people love talking about themselves. But only when they feel comfortable about it.

We each have our own set of rules when it comes to the level of comfort. How our comfort increases or decreases depends on the people, events, things and time we are surrounded with. Basically these four indicators: Who, Where, What and When are the determining factors.

If you feel obliged to attend a social event, then chances are when you get there, you’ll probably have to make an extra effort to enjoy yourself and others. If it’s something you’ve been looking forward to, then naturally you’ll act in a way that you want to be there and have a good time. People will see that and respond to it accordingly.

So, what does it take to break the ice?

Back in 2016, I was invited to a lavish Christmas party hosted by a corporate travel agent and their sponsors. Judging by the fancy flyer (an on line version) I received, I expected t would be something big, bold and beautiful.

And? It didn’t disappoint. The atmosphere/energy was amazing – full of gourmet food, heady drinks and hundreds of interesting people. It seemed that everyone had one common goal in mind – networking, networking, networking.

It was exciting yet slightly daunting for me when I was steering through the venue not seeing anybody I knew. Well, except three travel managers whom I normally had contacted with on the telephone but never met in person. So, top on my agenda was to find them and put their faces to names. Luckily, everyone was given a name tag to be pinned on the clothes, I didn’t anticipate it’d be a too difficult task.

I went to grab a drink, did a bit people watching, hovered around the venue a few times to see where the main action was. Getting accustomed to the surroundings, the vibes and the party theme were all part of a strategy to put my mind at ease, just like a good warm-up you do before a major activity that type of thing. Once your muscles are more relaxed, you just go out there and do what you’ve trained or practiced to do.

As soon as I started to feel more comfortable, I decided to make small talk with a few random people, just to test out how far a casual conversation would take me to. Funnily enough, and this is true in many cases, way before we start to talk, our body language has already sent out a signal to a room of people. Basically, it tells them one of these two things:

1. Hey, you look interesting. I want to connect with you.
2. Oh No, please stay away from me, just leave me alone.

My inner radar was quickly on the look out for some like-minded people and it turned out the person whom I spent the most time with also had many things in common with me.

As I discovered, these four magical ice breakers worked wonderfully for me on that night. I’ll explain why below:

1. Names: People love talking about their names. The history, the background, the culture and how their parents chose their names in the first place. They might even tell you, why they decided to change their names later.
2. Travel: People love talking about their holiday destinations and adventures etc, the past, the present and the future.
3. Languages: If you speak a foreign language, for example Spanish. When you come across any native Spanish speaker, a few Spanish words exchanged here and there (combined with your cute accent) will get you noticed and bring you both closer.
4. Pets: Who wouldn’t love talking about their dog(s) or cat(s)? No explanations required here.

Lastly, even to your best possible effort, the results may not always be what you expected. That can happen. When all else fails, what do you do? Stay low-eye. But as soon as the music starts to play, just get up and dance! You never know who might come and dance next to you…

This is intended to be a short and sweet message…

I could wait till the stats have gone up to hundreds or thousands, but I wanted to do this now when the numbers still look ridiculously low.

My gratitude and special thanks to readers who have followed, read, browsed, liked or commented on my blog. You know who you are!

Ted

Neighbours. Love them, like them, loathe them or hate them, they aren’t going to disappear into outer space.

Who are they? They can be people living upstairs/downstairs from you, next to you, opposite to you. They can also be your coworkers, fellow passengers or patrons sitting a few metres away from you in a restaurant or a food court. All in all, they can be either people you already know or complete strangers happen to be around you at a given time.

Neighbours. Good if they behave themselves. Bad if they don’t. It’s not an understatement to say they can turn your day into night and your night into a very long night. Sounds too familiar?! I won’t be surprised if you come up with a big list of bad experiences from somewhere.

Remember last time you travelled on a plane to overseas or other state? When you checked in, did you get to choose where you wanted to sit? Yes? Great! And? Did you get to choose who’d be sitting right next to you? No? Tough! That’s life!

We’ve heard time and time again that some idiots behaved erratically on a plane causing nuisance to other passengers. In some serious cases, cabin crew members or even security guards had to intervene to help resolve the issue. Those idiots are every traveller’s worst nightmare. We can only hope that we don’t come across any of them when we board a plane next time.

C’est la vie! You’re stuck with bad neighbours. Well, it doesn’t have to end there. What can you do about it? It really depends on your personal intolerance and the terms of effects and consequences that come along.

If you know it’s going to be a short term, a one off thing, meaning you won’t have to see them again tomorrow and in the future, you may as well save your breath, shrug it off, put on your headset and go about your own business. Or if possible, walk away from the situation and settle into to a quieter space to avoid any close contacts. All these can be easily done and are within your own control.

What if it’s a long term, an on-going thing? That is, neighbours whom you’ll likely see again and again on a regular basis. Perhaps it’s time to show some assertiveness, time to act and time to get your life back!

I remember how a year ago my parents’ quality of life was affected by the last neighbour living next door. The noise from many late night parties and the music instruments played during the day was insane. In fact, not just my parents, other residents on the whole street had also been affected by it. I didn’t know how bad it was till I was there to experience it myself a few times. Unfortunately, after making numerous complaints to the next door neighbour, still no signs of improvement.

Then on one weekend when I went to visit parents, it happened the next door was hosting another party that Saturday. We all rolled our eyes, gave a big sigh of disbelief and said: Here we go again… As time went by, when it passed midnight and even after 1 AM in the morning, the noise got louder and louder. No number of sealed windows and locked doors could’ve done enough to block out the “pollution”. Realised we’d done all we can (within our power) to stop it, that night I decided that’s it! I’m going to call the police and make a complaint.

I did. Some 30 minutes later, I heard one police car pulling over just outside near our garage driveway. Within a few minutes, the noise level from the next door dropped to almost zero. What a relief! We finally got our peace and quiet back.

Ever since, no more troublemakers, no more tensions, no more noise from the next door neighbour. A few months later, they moved out. Sweet! Now the new neighbour in the same dwelling has been so much easier to deal with.

I went to see my parents last week and already I could feel the marked difference in their quality of life. It’s got so much better.

No one wants to be on bad terms with their neighbours. But when some bad behaviours are crossing the line, becoming more like harassment or even bullying, then it’s a red flag. Enough is enough. You’ve exhausted your options within your power, you’ve taken matters into our own hands. Now what? Ask for help, call the number, and watch this space – your personal space…

These days everyone operates their life on social media like an open book. With many eye-catching photos and captivating stories shared on the platforms around the world, our moves are constantly on the spotlight. To keep up with the pace we’re now at, we have to be constantly on the go and update our whereabouts as they happen. It does feel like another full time job sometimes.

The success of some content creators has led more peeps to try to jump on the bandwagon, in a hope that they’ll one day make a name for themselves.

When popularity and fame are up for grabs, who wouldn’t want to present the best version of themselves to the universe? To pursue those images, some go to great lengths to look sharp, sound smart and do cool things. So much so, have we forgotten hey we’re only humans and we have flaws?

There’s a mundane side of life in which we live rarely gets reported. Maybe it’s not flashy or glamorous enough. But is it about time to strike a balance before our curated pictures strike a likable chord with our followers? The thing is we stuff up, we make boo boos, we make mistakes, we slip up, we take a wrong turn, we screw up, we fuck up, we relapse… All these describe one thing – humans make errors, lots! It’s normal. It’s only abnormal when we think it’s not normal to show it.

Want to try it out? What’ll happen if people go and reveal their imperfect self to audience or readers out there? You know, those things that have been airbrushed or kept under the carpet? Shortcomings, vulnerability, weaknesses and things that didn’t go according to plan or something that you tried and failed a couple of times!

Once the “secret” is out, everyone kind of knows. So what’s next? You aren’t seen as someone as perfectly portrayed before. Is it going to be the end of the world? Not quite!

In my case, you have no idea how many times after each posting, I thought: What have I done? What on earth?! Why did I want to tell everyone about that for? I felt silly expressing myself so openly but part of me still went along regardless. Over time, I could feel my skin is getting thicker and thicker. At least, I’ve been true to myself and to my word. The bottom line is simple: My wish is to inspire and to make a difference through “true” story telling.

Then just the other day I was at home watching a documentary film about an organic farmer and his field. Asked why he’s doing it the hard/organic way instead of the conventional/artificial way, he responded: Everyone needs to be a fool at least once in their life time. It’s stuck with me since! I could really understand a profound meaning behind that… Can you?

More more more, big big big. The more the better, the bigger the better. Don’t mind if some say the more you have, the more you have to maintain. Just give me more!

When do you know it’s enough? For me, I didn’t know when till I got my hands and feet dirty.

On this overcast Sunday, we came to this beautiful affluent beach suburb for a walk. Like before I was amazed by many large luxurious houses along the way. Looking at the sizes, I couldn’t help but wondered: Gee! How did they make it? Of course my amazement wasn’t unfounded or baseless. I’ve been paying my home loan for years, I know how hard it is to make ends meet.

Well, perhaps there’s nothing to envy. Didn’t they say: a big house, a big mortgage? But surely it doesn’t apply to everyone. I’m so intrigued. What do they do for living? Are they all doctors? accountants? lawyers or some CEOs of major players in town? Or are they a bunch of lucky people?

The funny thing is, even on a bright sunny day, I noticed most of those big houses had their blinds or curtains completely shut. What’s the point? Juts blocking the sunlight from the windows? Or something deeper is going on? Is it a case of the more you have, the more you feel insecure and the more you’re afraid to lose it?

Of course, we didn’t come here to watch people’s houses. The nearby by bush reserve is what we were after.

The weather changed quite rapidly from a cloudy morning to a rainy afternoon in a matter a few hours. When we were done with our walk, I was wet, full of dirt, sand and mud, so was my dog James. OK I admit I tempted fate but hey no regrets!

Looking at myself in that state, I didn’t really care about living in a big house with huge yards, a large garage, two grand bathrooms, a giant swimming pool etc. I was just happy to be back in my own doggy place, bathed my dog and had a comfy hot shower myself. Best of all, I finished the day with great comfort of knowing my little humble home is good enough (and big enough) for me…