Tag: Life

This is one of the reasons why I don’t make plans for the future, not even tomorrow or the weekend.

After only 1 week of employment, I have resigned as Office Manager.

The truth of the matter is I met lots of nice people there. I mean they are really friendly. They made me feel welcome and included. But unfortunately, one toxic person in the team is enough to ruin your day. So, wait no more. I decided it’s time for damage control and to tell them hasta la vista baby, I won’t be back!

Why so soon? Well, I say: Why not! If you can do it right now, why let days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, before it becomes too little too late?

Do you want Money or Sanity? Which one would you choose? Sure, money talks, it may even walk. But only sanity helps you sleep better at night. For me, the answer is clear and simple. I didn’t have to think. I love money but I love sanity even more.

If the worst comes to the worst, one day when I run out of money, I can always sell my stuff, my car, my home but I will never sell my soul.

I left the office around noon yesterday. As I stepped out of the building, I felt free and alive, a weight off my shoulders. Before I got home, I went to spend a few good hours at a local park, just soaking up in the sun and enjoying a free time the first time in a long time. Gee, I really missed being in the sun.

I am a bit over all the anti-bacterial chemical stuff I put on my skin lately. Getting the natural sunshine all over my body works far better for me – the best germ and virus killer.

What now? Crunch time! No doubt some uncertainty, difficulties and challenges ahead of course. But often at a time like this, that’s when my real strengths start to shine through. I am going straight back to job hunting again. I will also continue to do what I love – writing and some creative projects.

Since Jamie passed away on the 6th of March 2020, I have lost about 5 kilos, that’s more than half of his body weight. I also found myself not wanting to smile or smiling less and less. But after I handed in my resignation yesterday, I noticed I have started to smile at least once again…

Ted 🙂

I don’t know what’s wrong with me but it was just one of those spur of the moment decisions. Yesterday morning right before I got out of bed, I decided: I don’t need a lot of stuff to be happy anymore.

So, without too much thinking, I opened the closet and the clothes drawers in my bedroom, selected 10 ties and 7 shirts from a range of many, I thought it was about time to give them away to charity.

Long story short. The clothing bin at Vinnies near my place was full, so I ended up going further to the Salvos instead. It didn’t appear there was any permanent clothing bin outside the church, so I went in to enquiry about it. The lady in the entrance was kind enough to tell me that I could simply leave my to-be-donated clothes on the floor in one of the rooms further down the corridor. So I did.

Just when I was about to go, that same lady came to me and said: Hey, would you like to join us? I said: No thanks. I am not a church goer. She acknowledged it with a smile. I don’t know why I stayed but I told her that I’m very upset, my dog has passed away. She expressed her sorry then asked if I have a picture of my puppy. I said: Yes, but I can’t talk about him at the moment. Next, she asked me if OK to pray for me. I said: OK.

I must say I was quite moved by the words she said. She prayed to God to bring me hope. She even thanked God for bringing me there. At last, she told me don’t throw away Jamie’s toys and don’t be in a hurry to get another dog, when time is right a new dog will come to me.

How would she know? No idea. I am certainly not planing on getting a new dog now and in the future. But it’s just nice to have someone like her in our community, a total stranger who’s wiling to give you some words of comfort and warmth during tough time, even there is nothing in it for them…

If you could use one word to sum up your whole year 2019, what would it be?

Let the story unfold…

Our office Christmas party 2019 was held on the 13th of December. On that day just one hour before we headed to the venue, all the staff got together in the office to listen to a pep talk given by our CEO. In this pre-party speech, presenting in his usual open and candid style, he described 2019 as a year of bitch. Soon after he’d said that, I heard a few laughs around the room. Well, he wasn’t exaggerating. We all shared his sentiment, 2019 has been a tough year for our business.

Given we are in the agribusiness industry, our financial performance is dependent on and directly affected by the crops. In saying that, we’re at the mercy of mother nature – weather. The record drought situation in Australia has taken a big toll on many growers and businesses relied on the harvest. Well, the rain just doesn’t want to come no matter what, what can you do?

So, bitch is the word of the year 2019 for our CEO. But regardless the bad news, a downturn in the business and a loss of revenue, we still aimed at finishing the year on a good note – Party time! You work hard, you play hard, right?

For me personally, this is a perfect time to reflect on many areas in my life last year – things that went well and things that went poorly. Here’s a line to draw – Those that are within my control, such as sleep hygiene and mental health, I need to find better ways of improvement, those that are beyond my control, such as human nature and people’s behaviours, I need to learn better ways of managing own expectations and letting go. I’ve got the next 12 months to work on this project.

So, what is my word of the year 2019? Mine is Try. Yes, try, that’s it. Try hard, try soft, try big, try small, try this, try that, try try try… What a year of non-stop trying times!

What are the top 5 things I tried to do last year? Here they are:

• I tried to write as many posts as possible on my blog
• I tried to be a good daddy/carer to my dog
• I tried to step out of my comfort zone and face my fears
• I tried to confront the health scare and do those check-ups my doctor asked me to do
• I tried to stop worrying too much about what others think of me

Let’s face it, shit happens, but if we stop trying and do nothing, shit will continue to happen twofold, threefold, fourfold etc. All I can say is: Fair enough, life isn’t a piece of cake but it doesn’t need to be a piece of shit either. I think you get my point.

Now, over to you, back to my opening question in the beginning, what is your word of the year 2019 and why? Shhh… Keep it to yourself if you wish.

Till next time. As always, watch this space!

Where were you in 1977? Perhaps you weren’t even born yet.

Around four years ago, I was fortunate enough to talk to two strangers – a healthy elderly Chinese couple – husband 89, wife 80 at Woolloomooloo (if you’re new to Sydney Australia, I’d recommend come to Woolloomooloo for half of a day to enjoy what it has to offer day and night – beautiful harbour views, the city skyline, trendy bars and restaurants along the wharf and more).

I was chatting with them in my broken Cantonese mixed with some simple English. Even with a little language barrier, I learnt beyond words about their secret of happiness, and longevity. I felt ultra humble in front of them. The smiles on their faces were infectious. They were just like everyone’s grandpa and grandma.

What was so big deal about 1977? Well, that was the year they set foot on Australian soil for the first time – the taste of freedom. Before that, they’d lived a life of displaced people in other foreign lands – Thailand and Vietnam for a number of years since fleeing their home country China.

2020 is here, another new year, a beginning of a new decade, to most people is about setting new goals and making new year’s resolutions. But before we get too excited about starting off everything new and fresh, it’s important to look back at the past years to see how far we’ve come.

Whether we failed or succeeded at the end, every turn of new year is like a second chance given to us for free. In saying that, I assume you and I live in a free country, that means we have a free will to make decisions, to try and try again, to give as many shots as possible till we hit the target.

Today, the first day of 2020. What to celebrate?

Freedom! Let’s celebrate freedom! The freedom to learn, to unlearn, to marry, to divorce, to make mistakes, to make amends, to succeed, to fail, to write, to re-write, to speak, to not speak and so on. All these entitlements are just a way of life we’ve taken for granted.

Here’s to my readers, happy 2020! Thanks for being part of the journey. Remember, time always stands still when you have a story to tell. Watch this space!

I tried, I really did but I still came back empty handed.

A couple of days before Christmas, I was in the Sydney CBD exploring some retail stores. Despite the best efforts, I still couldn’t find anything to buy for myself. The next day, I went out to do it again. Not surprisingly, I got the same result. After two failed attempts, I realized, I actually don’t need anything for Christmas.

Don’t get me wrong. I love shopping. I’m not against consumerism. Who am I to preach to people about what to buy or what not to buy. It’s a personal choice. It’s a free country. But when we buy stuff only for the sake of buying and noting else, then it’s a total different matter.

It’s interesting. For our office Kris Kringle this year, as an organiser, I got to know one of the most popular and sought after gift ideas is gift cards. Gone are the days we see some small and big gift boxes sitting under a Christmas tree, now we see more and more of slim cards instead. It goes to show many of us would prefer to choose our own gift at a time that’s suited for us.

If you’ve been given a gift card as a Christmas gift, you can literally use it to buy yourself a Christmas gift in January or February or even later if you want to. In Australia, gift cards now a life span of three years, anytime before they expire is a good time.

For me, because I didn’t need anything for Christmas this year, there were no expectations, hence no disappointments. On Christmas day, it was all about spending quality time with my family – good food plus good company. My wish came true as soon as it hit the 25th.

Today, Boxing Day, the extravaganza, my smart phone has been bombarded by tonnes of emails and text messages promoting some amazing Boxing Day specials. It’s a fantastic time to buy stuff if you need anything. But if you don’t and you still go for it, then brace yourself for the guilty feeling afterwards.

What can I say? We’re only humans. We don’t like to miss out. FOMO – Fear of missing out sounds too familiar? We all want to have the cake and eat it too. But hey you, before you take out your credit card, think again, think twice. Don’t forget: The reality bites too… 

I’ve been a try-hard. That’s the thing. After a long shot, you come to realise that you’ve barked up the wrong tree or the timing just wasn’t right, it was working against you.

What else do you do? Keep trying? What about letting your hair down a bit and doing something different?

This is when the power of walk comes in.

I started taking bush walks and coastal walks around 10 years ago. I’ve literally done hundreds of them since. It’s a great way to rejuvenate and recharge batteries when life sucks.

In the very beginning, I used it as a therapy to heal my heartache from the breakdown of my last relationship. Over time it became my weekend ritual. It automatically ingrained in my sub conscience, without effort – I don’t have to plan, I don’t have to think. Sundays, when housework is done. I’m out and about.

Manly beach, one of the most famous beaches in Sydney, was my top choice that Sunday afternoon. The sea breeze provided an instant comfort while we were walking on the way to Shelley beach –  a smaller, quieter beach.

Once got there, I was so drawn to the catchy music near by. I went a little further to find out what was going on.

There I was, at a park adjacent to the beach, I saw a young female DJ. I decided to walk up to her.

“Hey, nice music, makes me wanna dance” I said. “Thank you, this is my kinda music, come and join us if you like” she responded. I hesitated… then I saw a couple of guys in their group waving at me, I thought why not so I went over. Straight away I sensed a good vibe around them – friendly & welcoming.

DJ, new friends, sun, beach, music and dance all in one place, this is definitely my kinda thing…

There’ll come a time when giving your 100% won’t necessarily mean you’ll receive 100% back. Count yourself lucky if you get any. For me, walking away from “trying too hard” and going back to basics before going back to civilization is a good way to finding clarity. This is something I often have to remind myself of…

I remember a fantastic episode of a science program Catalyst on ABC five years ago. It was one of those well-made TV documentaries – entertaining and educational, once you watch it, it’ll stick with you for a long time.

According to the report’s findings, the number of friends we have is determined by our DNA…

What?! Wait! DNA?! Really?! Seriously?!

Well, no joke. Since it was born out of scientific studies, not some kind of fiction or opinion, I had no reasons for doubting it.

On reflection, my own SMALL circle of friends. What can I say? It hasn’t changed much if anything at all in the last five years or so. Should I try a bit harder? Perhaps not. Am I comfortable with the number of friends I have? Absolutely.

Let’s face it, in this date and age, having more friends equates more fame and more popularity. Who wouldn’t want more of them? The fact is, friends come friends go, whether we like it or not.

Two weeks ago, it was one of those days I felt the need to spring clean my life. Again, easier said than done. Where should I start?

To get the ball rolling, I went to check the stuff in my closet, hesitated. Just give it a break – I mumbled. I already gave away a few clothes to charity the other day. I wasn’t too keen on doing more of it. Then somewhere along the line, on the spur of the moment, I don’t know where I got it from but I heard a voice in my head saying: What about tidying up the friend list on my Facebook account?

Part of me protested. No, I need them there to make my numbers look good. No, they don’t bother me. No, what would they think if I removed them?

Just do it! Sweet Heart. Just freaking do it. Dear.

I did. I took ten friends off the list.

Then there came the infamous break up line: It’s not you, it’s me. Whether it’s that or the other way around. It doesn’t matter. No one cares. Even if they do, they’ll move on very quickly.

After saying sayonara, ciao, bye bye and adios to those friends whom I no longer connect with, there’s been zero impact on my life, at least on the social media front.

If you also buy into the idea of “the number of friends we have is determined by our DNA”, then you’ll find easy to let go of:

• The need to be liked or accepted by someone
• The need to please people

Most importantly, you’ll be totally OK with:

• Being who you are

Time to crunch the numbers: friends, old friends, new friends, no more, no less…

They say: Fight fire with fire. Well, try to apply it to negative people, it may fuel them even more and backfire. The point is? Don’t feed the monster!

A friend of mine once said to me: Negative people are like bad smell, better stay away from them fast. I laughed in agreement.

Since then I have been paying close attention to what’s around me – the environment, the people, even the words I say, to ensure I don’t become a minus. The point is? Negativity is contagious.

Not surprisingly, this has led me to discover something interesting about human nature – the loudest is often the weakest. One important thing to note here is eyes never lie…

So, don’t believe those things they say about a sensitive person. We aren’t all nothing but a drama queen. The truth is: When putting our sensitivity to good use, we can easily detect all kinds of smell AND be the first to exercise the power of walking away!

The point is? Sniff sniff before they make you sneeze sneeze…

As a writer, like you, sometimes I have a good day, sometimes I have a bad day.

On a good day, I walk the walk. I do all the legwork required to get things done. A day like this just flows.

On a bad day, I talk the talk. I pay lip service to myself, ignore the writing bug. Only later do I find myself feeling lifeless, worse than the day started.

On a typical day – consisting of both a good day AND a bad day, I write the write. Whatever it means. It’s the day I embrace my larger than life character and write as if the whole world is reading it.

A writer’s life is not a life in a fast lane as many have envisioned. It goes deeper and further than that. A writer’s life is a life creating a fast lane.

On becoming a good writer, one may ask, what’s the difference between an average writer and a badass writer? I can boldly say the difference is in the “day”:

An average writer writes like there’s a tomorrow.

A badass writer writes like there’s NO tomorrow.

Before you set out to reach your writing goals, it’s important to know what makes up a good writer’s mind. In order of priority:

To just write comes first, to be right comes second, to feel right comes third…

A good day, a bad day, a typical day, whatever day it pans out, there’ll never be a right day to write. Might as well just write, right now…

Ted Tsai

Taking a dog out means sometimes we’re restricted to several public places. No hard feelings, I understand.

On a very rare occasion both Jamie (my dog) and I were allowed in an audience area, but we were at popular dog friendly Manly (Sydney) beach anyway.

We enjoyed watching Cheerleading Championships with family on Sunday afternoon exactly 3 years ago. These young people were truly amazing. To push the body beyond its limits like that, they must’ve done lots of hard work behind scenes.

What struck me most is a good mix of male and female competitors among the groups. It was a refreshing change. After all, cheerleading had been one of the female dominated sports for as long as I could remember. Of course, to this day, it’s still the case.

Wait! Before I go on any further, have I just heard someone say cheerleading isn’t a sport?

Well, my position is anything that’ll help break male stereotypes, count me in!

It’s funny, way before we were born, we had already been conditioned to and moulded into some certain types by our carers. They included the colours of clothing chosen by our parents, the kinds of toys we were given to play with and the roles we were expected to grow into in the family, at school, at work and in the society in later years.

Generation after generation, stereotypes about people were formed and passed down. Ideas about gender were generalised and portrayed in the media, in our head and in all corners of the world.

Under this framework, spoken or unspoken, written or unwritten, if you are someone who fits in with a particular group, you are welcome as part of the tribe, but if you are someone who doesn’t fit in with the group, you are seen as a black sheep at best or at worst as an outcast. Whichever happens, it can be a very lonely place to be.

The question is, how do you to break stereotypes and free yourself from it?

To bring the under-represented self to the table, my take is: It’s your niche, keep on doing what you’ve been doing.

If you’re someone who loves cooking and you want to be a master chief instead of a doctor as perceived by others, go and put on your favourite apron, keep on polishing your signature dishes and learning new skills required to be a top cook like no others.

If you’re someone who loves playing a musical instrument and you want to be a music producer instead of an engineer as perceived by others, go and practice, practice and practice necessary skills required to be at the helm and write as many musical notes as possible to shout out the noises, gossips and critics from the outside world.

Others can form as many stereotypes about you as they like, but realistically you don’t have time to break them all. So, don’t waste your time on that.

Conversely, do not stereotype stereotypes. It may sound a bit abstract, but I think you get the idea. Fight fire with fire may backfire. When a stereotype is created out of the norm, it’s an indication we simply don’t know any better at a given time.

One last thing to note, breaking stereotypes is about proving yourself right, not about proving others wrong. Now, that’s my type…