Tag: Life

Bad luck. The bad news is: It happens to everyone. It’s part of life. The good news is: It has an expiry date. It doesn’t last.

I recently had a talk with my mentor Steve about a string of unfortunate events that’d happened to me. I attributed them all to one thing: Bad luck. Instead of going along with it, he simply said: No, I don’t think it’s bad luck, that’s life!

It got it.

Generally we describe bad luck as something happens in a wrong place at a wrong time. For the sake of argument, any place can be a wrong place and any time can be a wrong time. Bad luck is so random that no one can say conclusively it follows a particular format or formula.

Some say everything happens for a reason. But more often than not we have doubts about what constitutes a good reason. Even we have a good reason to believe it, it doesn’t necessarily take away or lessen the pain.

2020 it sucks, big time. As the year draws to a close, let’s hope we all finish on a good note. The other day I felt a bit hopeless when I was having flashbacks to those sagas in my life. You can’t help but wonder: OK, bad luck comes in threes, now one out of way, what’s next?

Perhaps it’s not all the doom and gloom. Everyone has that fighting spirit they can call on. The moment I started to feel hopeful is when I faced up to the reality and did something about it. Actually, there’s a bunch of people who will lend you a helping hand if you ask. I must also stress: Don’t use shortcuts to solve your problem. Do it properly. Even if it means going the extra mile, you do it once and for all. You’ll thank yourself for it later.

Friends and family can give us a sympathetic ear in our hour of need, but they can only take so much. For matters that are trickier or more technical, it’s better if we consult with professionals for their expertise and pay them for their services.

Bad luck isn’t the be-all and end-all. When you take the bad with the good and when you take a bold step to deal with a mess it leaves behind, you’ll discover strengths and patience that you didn’t know you had. And that’s your secret weapon…

Your voice may have a far-reaching effect than you realize.

Should I or shouldn’t I? When we can’t make up our minds, we normally turn to our family or friends for advice. Sometimes they express their views based on own preferences or biases, which may not serve our best interest. Other times they’re just like us, have no clue themselves. Wat do you do in this instance? Where would you seek a second opinion? Well, that’s when Google search engine comes in.

One day last week I woke up having this compulsion. I felt an overwhelming urge to buy one of those Samsung new tablets on the market. I’d done my research, I’d watched those product reviews on YouTube, I’d been thinking about it for days and I could afford it. What am I waiting for? Well, I only had one last hurdle to cross – To convince myself that I really need one.

Before I got too carried away, I thought I’d better check on Google to see if anyone had written anything about it. So, on the search box I typed in a sentence: Do I need to buy a tablet? Within seconds, a whole range of related sites popped up in front of me. As I was scrolling, I found a post written in 2018 to be very helpful.

Even though it was published a while ago, the information in the article is still relevant to today. The writer presented both sides of the argument for and against with the bold headings: Reasons to buy and Reasons not to buy.

After reading through some key points, I decided: I don’t need one, I’m not going to buy one.

The writer of this post is what I call a real influencer. I bet he wouldn’t have thought of that.

Let’s face it, what we’ve written on social media or in our blogs are short-lived. Because it comes and goes, it’s easy to think that it may not have an impact on others in any way, shape or form. Think again! Two weeks or two months or two years from now, some random readers out there may come across your writing and find it super useful and valuable.

Want to become a real influencer? A real influencer is here for the long-haul. The curve will certainly go up and down but you never know how far your writing will travel to and how many lives it’ll touch…

A couple of recent incidents got me thinking about The Law of Attraction.

While we all want to attract good fortunes to our lives, sometimes we inadvertently “invite” opposites to ourselves, too.

To write a post about this topic while I’m still living through the aftermath of the events is not easy. But as I found out many times in the past, writing is healing. So, I’m going to hold on one more time.

How did it all begin? Let me set the scene first. Last Sunday was a scorching hot day reaching 40 degrees ℃. On top of that, the wild gusty winds only intensified and made it worse.

It’d be no fun to engage in any outdoor activities under these conditions. Given the soaring heat might do some damage to the wheels of my car, I decided to postpone my beach day till Tuesday when the forecast said it was going to be mild.

When Tuesday came, I did exactly that – driving to a beach! After only 5 minutes on the road, I noticed a driver in the next lane wanting to tell me something. I opened the window and heard him saying: You’ve got a flat tyre at the back. At first, I thought he was joking as I hadn’t felt any difference. But later I started to feel a bit funny, so I decided to turn back and check what was going on. And? Yes, he was right. I’ve got a flat tyre! The last thing I needed. First things first, I quickly called roadside assistance for help.

OK, it was bad luck. But I should also factor in another thing – I took a different route, instead of an usual route to avoid a traffic jam.

The whole thing led me to think: Do we attract to what we try to avoid?

The incident ruined my plan, it was inconvenient and annoying. But later that day I asked myself this question: Can I take the bad with the good?

Yes, I was grateful for the driver in the next lane, I almost ignored him. If not for him, I could’ve been in a worse situation – a car accident or something. I was also thankful for the guy from roadside assistance who came to my aid. He changed the flat tyre and replaced it with a spare tyre I had in the back of my car. While waiting for him to do the job, there was a raging storm happening. I remember he said at least we are inside the car park, not outside getting wet!

I finished the day on a positive note.

Just when I thought I’d got my fair share of bad luck, another incident soon followed two days later. It was spooky but a long story short. To comply with a scheduled clean of the garage area, I needed to remove my car from the parking lot and leave it on the street unattended. I thought I was already out, why not stopping by a tyre shop to get the flat tyre repaired.

For the sake of easy parking and some better Google reviews, I picked this tyre shop in a less busier street, instead of the one next to the highway.

While there, I was told to park my car in the designated service area. To do that, I’d have to reverse a little and then make a left turn towards it. Within seconds, I heard a big bang. My heart sank when I realized my car had hit their front gate.

It was way more than I’d bargained for. I was meant to go there to solve a small problem – a flat tyre, now I got myself a bigger problem – a smashed car. More money will go out the window. I was in disbelief.

What can I say? Or more importantly, what can I learn from these? Don’t tempt fate? Don’t try to get things done in a rush or at your convenience? Don’t open the floodgates to mishaps? Better leave nothing to chance?

Things I tried to avoid, ended up happening in succession. Perhaps avoidance is another form of reinforcement.

I’m still upset over the latest episode. Part of me wants to figure everything out, but another part me wants to let it go. At the end of the day, it’s only a car. As time goes by, I feel I’m leaning more towards to forgiving myself. And I will not try to avoid it this time…

Real life is very different from those glossy advertisements.

Moving in to a new city or a new country can be an unnerving experience. Starting from scratch comes with uncertainties. If you are someone who’s been planning on studying, working or residing in a new country when the border is reopen, chances are you will meet with some surprises along the way. No one can predict what lies ahead. But with preparation and a good strategy in place, you can make the transition a lot smoother.

If you’re going to overseas, obviously, you don’t just show up at the airport with your suitcases and a dream. Psych yourself up, once you’ve arrived at the destination, you’re at the point of no return, at least for the duration of your intended stay.

Whether you land in a new country as an expat, an overseas student or an immigrant, below is a short list of things to look out for when choosing a new place to live:

1. If you are relative new to the city, it’s best if you choose a furnished apartment at first and make sure it’s close to public transport and shops.
2. If your family is staying with you, make sure you are there for each other and watch out for possible signs of mental health especially when things get tough.
3. If you are bringing kids along, time carefully. Make sure they don’t miss out on schooling for too long.

Having been living in Australia for over 30 years, I’ve seen many people come and go. Everyone is different and various factors can come into play. I have concluded 3 common deal breakers:

The number one deal breaker is: The language barrier.

It can make or break your chances of survival. If you come from a non-English speaking background, it’s so important to gain a working knowledge of the new language beforehand. To make your life easier in new surroundings, at least you need to know what to say when you shop.

The number two deal breaker is: Unemployment.

If you don’t have a regular source of income to rely on, you will feel the crunch. It’s important to give yourself a realistic expectation when it comes to landing a job. A good question to ask yourself is: Are you able to support yourself in the next 6 months under these circumstances? If the answer is No, then you will need to have a plan B or even a plan C.

The number three deal breaker is: Personal reasons.

Some new comers still feel out of place or displaced after a few years. I found this to be true particularly among the older generations. Perhaps they have problem adjusting to the weather, the lifestyle, the food or the culture.

All in all, moving in to a new country is like living a life in the fast lane. It can present many opportunities to you. But bear in mind, it’s not a one way ticket nor a one way road. Give yourself time. If it doesn’t work out for you at the end, know you have options. Feel free to change to the slower lane or make an u turn. You can start somewhere again…

On the surface, beating yourself up looks like a righteous thing to do, but beneath it, it’s all about judging yourself.

Before I finished my last post and published it, I’d wasted hours and days of my time on something totally unrelated to writing. For example, browsing through social media, watching some YouTube videos. It’s true that they kept me engaged and entertained, but after a while, a guilty pleasure turned into a guilty displeasure, soon I started to criticise myself for the earlier inaction.

Sure, cut me some slack, but to tell myself it’s OK when I don’t feel OK is not easy. I am not convinced. Perhaps it’s time for a new strategy, to take on a gentler, kinder approach that is.

So, I came up with this metaphor which I was hoping would stop me from being in a rut: Those time wasters are like a long warm-up session before a real workout begins.

OK, it may sound like I was justifying myself or looking for a way out of my procrastination. I get it. It probably didn’t make much sense, but the bottom line is I’ve got nothing to lose anyway.

And the verdict? It helped. I simply dived right in to my writing routine and the rest is history.

What’s the good of beating yourself up? None. Next time when you catch yourself doing it, tell yourself: Enough!

You’ve paid your dues, don’t beat yourself up. Now it’s time to make up for lost time…

Looking at the title of this post, if you say you are going to yawn, I won’t blame you.

Our day out at the beach was such a low-key affair that there is probably not much I can write about it.

Somehow, a narrative I keep coming up with is more or less along the lines of “simplicity”. I think it will be a good starting point to begin this post.

It’s easy to dismiss an ordinary day outright and believe there is nothing worth raving about. If something is too small to get noticed, we probably think it’s too trivial and insignificant, right? Think about fine print. Arguably, it’s small, hidden, tricky and not obvious to our eyes but when we read it, we discover something important in it.

I took my parents and my brother to this quiet beach for a reason – to get some fresh air, get our bodies moving, relax, and enjoy the view. This affluent seaside suburb surely lived up to its reputation allowing us to do just that.

With no crowd in sight on this day, just a few people scattered over the shore, it was indeed a safe haven from the outside world. No loud music, no big cheers, no large gatherings, just the sunshine, the sea breeze, the sand and the calm waves. Everyone simply “behaved themselves” and went about their own businesses – having a dip, building sand castles, going for a stroll or sunbathing. It’s simplicity that makes an ordinary day extraordinary.

Often it takes a significant event like the coronavirus pandemic to make us realize how precious an ordinary life is. While other parts of the world are still battling with a second wave of the outbreak, Sydney, our city continues to make good progress. We have seen daily new cases consistently stay in the low two-digit or single-digit range since July. As such, the government decided to ease restrictions and give residents a high degree of freedom. Counting our blessings, people can lead their lives and run their businesses as “normal” as possible.

How do we embrace our ordinary day and see something extraordinary in it?

For me, it requires slowing down, taking a step back and reviewing it from that angle and perspective. By writing this post, I suddenly realise, those so-called small things in life aren’t that small after all. They reason why they look small is because we haven’t given them enough our attention…

One is not a lonely number.

Some people are uncomfortable with solitude, fearing that if they have spent too much on their own, they will be predisposed to the feeling of loneliness.

Solitude is not about losing touch with someone or something on purpose or being disconnected from the outside world or the mainstream because of circumstances.

Solitude is a lifestyle choice. It is a practice of observing own body, mind and soul, and our relationship with nature around us, in a setting that is free of judgement and force.

Three things that I have learned from being in a state of solitude are:

1. Life evolves. I don’t need to be more or less than what I already am to go with it.
2. Sun rises, sun sets. The universe has always its own set of course and timing.
3. Mother nature is bigger than you. Show some respect.

I have also found that after a period of solitude, I have more new things to talk about and share with family and friends when I am back in civilization. Overall, it makes me an interesting guy to be around.

Remember, solitude doesn’t choose you, you choose solitude. And yes, I hear solitude loud and clear every time: One is not a lonely number. One is a lovely number…

If I have to name only one benefit coming out of this pandemic, then it would be this is the first time on a global scale that we have been forced to slow down – the opportunity to reflect on our lives.

What are things that mattered to you then but don’t really matter to you now?

Recently I’ve spent more time with my parents. To coincide with their physical levels, I intentionally chose the areas that require less strenuous efforts but are still stimulating enough for them to get up and keep active.

We took a walk across the bridge, then came back sat near the water, soaked up the sun and watched the day go by. What’s more, we had this cute goose family to keep us company. The simple pleasures…

Sometimes life’s a bitch. Yes, sometimes…

Much of how I plan my day is at the mercy of weather. After all, you want to be in tune with Mother Nature. If you don’t watch her temperaments carefully, she will turn your day into night, and your night into a very long night. Just don’t mess with her.

We saw gusty winds rampage through Sydney in the last few days. Coupled with the high level of pollen count, it would’ve aggravated my hay fever and made my nose sneeze and run like a tap.

Tempting weather is like tempting fate. Not the smartest idea. I told myself I’d better stay at home and be a good boy. So yes, I was a homebody. Well, it wasn’t all that bad.

In some parts of the world, staying home is not an option, it’s a law, it’s an order. 2020, to have become this way? Who would’ve thought? At least, I have a choice. There’s something to be grateful about every day.

A relief came on Sunday as winds finally died down, it was a golden opportunity to go out and about and soak up the sun.

I headed to my favourite beach to have some me time. Accompanied by sun, ocean and sand, I thought I had necessary ingredients to feeling on top of the world. Strong sea breeze felt particularly chilly on this side of the cliff where I was standing, soon I lost my enthusiasm for this spot. It was gone with the wind!

No doubt spring is in the air in the southern hemisphere but don’t get too excited yet. Never underestimate the tail of winter – it still lingers. What can I say? Be good to Mother Nature, always expect the unexpected.

Before I came up with a Plan B and went somewhere else, a short distance away, I saw two grey haired women in about their 60’s, sitting up straight, in a comfortable position, facing each other. The postures suggested they were doing some form of meditation. Noticeably undeterred by what was happening outside, a look of simple contentment and clam nature was written all over their faces – a direct contrast to the wild wild world out there.

The thing is, you don’t get to negotiate with Mother Nature, you don’t argue with her, you just respect that sometimes she has her moments, too.

Chances are we don’t often have a say in our circumstances, it is what it is. I guess my life is like a camera lens, I get what I focus on. Sometimes life’s a bitch, at the moment life’s a beach (as I’m writing)…

No touch, use hand sanitiser, social distancing, wearing a mask… We may be physically safe from harm, but let’s not forget, mentally, we need to stay engaged even when we are by ourselves.

Here is my favourite part of the beach – quiet and peaceful. This hidden gem has been my weekend escape for several years. But in recent months, I have seen an influx of people coming here to do some “touristy” things. How annoying!

Two weekends ago I was here again. As soon as I arrived, I was turned off by the crowd and their noises. After staying for around ten minutes, I lost interest. Before I was about to leave for somewhere else, I don’t know what it was, maybe some unknown force, I turned and took one last look.

There he was, a lone figure, sitting on the top of the cliff, I couldn’t take my eyes off this guy. He had what I call a cool rugged look – the man bun hairstyle, the stubble, sunglasses.

He was playing a guitar. With nature providing the beautiful backdrop – the sun, the blue sky, the ocean, the sea breeze and the bush, minus people – a sharp contrast of the irritating crowded scene earlier. I found myself gravitating towards his sole presence and the zen like serenity around him, I decided to climb up there and get a bit closer to him.

To ensure that I would not distract him and his music, I waited for a short while before plucking up the courage to approach him and say hi.

His name is Francesco from Argentina. I remember I asked him these ice breaker questions “Are you an artist? Were you playing a song that you wrote yourself?”. He smiled back and said: No, I was just practising some tunes from internet.

As he called it: Nature brought us together. We hit it off very quickly and found ourselves enjoying various topics such as life, nature, Tibetan Buddhism, meditation, my dog, a book entitled Four Agreements which he recommended, and the tattoos on his wrists – One was Surf, the other was Freedom.

He called himself a loner and he said it with full conviction. It struck me. I responded, I guess I am a loner, too but I don’t like the word loner and I don’t call myself a loner, there are too many negative connotations attached to it, I would rather call myself individual. I then added that my dog was a loner, too, that’s why we got along.

As the sun started to set and the temperature began to drop, it was nature’s way of hinting that it was time for us to go separate ways.

That night when I got home, I could not stop thinking about those words he said. Very inspiring!

The next day when I woke up in the morning, I decided outright, to be true to myself and call myself a loner…