Month: September 2019

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From Unemployed To Employed

 

Monday Monday, for many of us is about getting up, getting ready and going to work or school. This routine is so automatic, deep ingrained in our subconscious, we don’t even have to think.

What if you’re unemployed and it happened to you not by choice? Do you even bother springing out of bed in the morning to face a new day? What’s to look forward to and what’s the point?

If you’ve ever been made redundant or laid off or fired, then you surely can relate to the sentiment I’ve just described. For me, very lucky! Not only once but twice I’ve been made redundant. It’s a record I hope I don’t break again. But who knows what’s going to happen in the next 12 months.

Why losing a job sounds like a big deal? To state the obvious, the loss of income is enough to turn your world upside down. What’s coming? Time to tighten your belt, start budgeting, change your lifestyle or even living arrangement altogether. Can you handle it?

What we do for living forms part of our identity. When it’s taken away from us, we lose a sense of self. Depression, anxiety or other forms of mental health issue can pop up and take you down to a black hole you feel like you can’t get out of. It’s a very scary stuff.

In my case, back in the summer of 2011, as I was bracing myself for a new identity – unemployed, I wasn’t all that dead-serious in the very beginning. I spent my first month like I was having a holiday. However, those good times don’t last. When the reality sets in, you start to see the full scope of despair. The following 6 months hit me so hard that I felt I was stuck in a rut forever, just couldn’t see light at the end of tunnel.

Fortunately, I didn’t let myself go. I still went to bed at a reasonable hour and got up at a reasonable time. Sounds reasonable, right? Little did I know, stress had taken its toll on me.

Life goes on as they say. Just because you’re in this situation, doesn’t mean you can be excused from your duties and responsibilities – Bills still need to be paid, a mouth needs to be fed, a mortgage still needs to be paid. Most importantly, you still need to take care of yourself and those who live with you.

While I was in the midst of this “personal crisis”, I kept myself busy by looking ways of reinventing my career and trying to put myself out there, but I overlooked something far more important – my attitude.

Inevitably, attitude showed in everything I did – from how I prepared for job applications to how I presented myself during the telephone or face-to-face interviews. Believe it or not, attitude has a strong side effect on your body language. It even affects the way you breath!

For many times I was so close but I just couldn’t clear that final hurdle to land a job I wanted. Feeling rather defeated, one day I summoned up the courage to ask a friend for advice. She had a background in HR and likewise was doing job hunting around that time. I was mostly intrigued by how she kept on getting job offers one after another. To be honest, I was very jealous. Why does she have that I don’t have? Put my ego aside, I thought there must’ve been something in her that I could learn from.

Unreservedly, she revealed her secret weapon to me: a winning attitude. Own it! You walk in there like you’ve won the hearts and minds of people in the panel even before they speak. You say to yourself: I’m here to knock their socks off! Even their pants off if necessary!

Through some trial and error, I began to work on my mindset along with my skill set. It was amazing how quickly things started to look up and the rest is history. Several years later, I’m still employed and hold a steady position I’m thankful for. Looking back, what served as a catalyst for change then was no doubt a winning attitude, a game changer…

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How To Have A Miserable Day

What am I on about? How to have a miserable day? No way! Get lost!

Don’t be too quick to judge me yet…

Well, you’ve worked hard, followed expert advice or some gurus’ tips on how to succeed, get rich, become popular and so on. Why are you still feeling frustrated? Why are you still feeling like not getting anywhere?

Let’s face it, sometimes life is a treadmill, full of the daily grind and mundane tasks we all try to avoid. If it’s not taking you to where you want to be – greener pastures you’ve been dreaming about, perhaps now it’s time for a change.

Are you willing to hear the complete opposite from me?

Somehow, I believe there’s a teenage rebel in every one of us. If you aren’t careful, he/she will come out and take charge. Like it or not, he/she is your boss.

Does this sound familiar? Things we know we should be doing, we aren’t doing it at all. Why is it the case? Well, because that 15-year-old rebellious self just doesn’t like to obey rules. It’s as simple as that.

Remember those times when your parents or teachers or any authority figures asked you to do something? And? Did you give a shit? No, you did not. Instead, you turned around and said: Later. Of course too often that “later” later became a never. Always tomorrow! You did exact the opposite of what you were told to do.

How to have a miserable day? Funnily enough, it doesn’t require any skills. Zero. None. Everyone can be a master in their own misery. Come check out my top 10 list. Unhappiness guaranteed!

  1. Say Yes to everything and to everyone
  2. Say No to everything and to everyone
  3. Try to make everyone happy
  4. Try to make everyone like you or accept you
  5. Look for 100% perfection in everything you do
  6. See mistakes as failure rather than as ways of improvement
  7. Complain about anything that doesn’t go well in your life at the moment
  8. Take things and people for granted
  9. Don’t let go or stop forgiving
  10. Compare yourself with others

The list can go on and on but I’m happy to stop right there.

Well well well, when all else fails, what do you do? Use reverse psychology! Now, you’ve read my list, do yourself a favour. Go and have a miserable day! But hey smart you, don’t get me wrong, this is me talking to your 15-year-old rebellious self…

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You Just Can’t Choose Your Neighbours

Neighbours. Love them, like them, loathe them or hate them, they aren’t going to disappear into outer space.

Who are they? They can be people living upstairs/downstairs from you, next to you, opposite to you. They can also be your coworkers, fellow passengers or patrons sitting a few metres away from you in a restaurant or a food court. All in all, they can be either people you already know or complete strangers happen to be around you at a given time.

Neighbours. Good if they behave themselves. Bad if they don’t. It’s not an understatement to say they can turn your day into night and your night into a very long night. Sounds too familiar?! I won’t be surprised if you come up with a big list of bad experiences from somewhere.

Remember last time you travelled on a plane to overseas or other state? When you checked in, did you get to choose where you wanted to sit? Yes? Great! And? Did you get to choose who’d be sitting right next to you? No? Tough! That’s life!

We’ve heard time and time again that some idiots behaved erratically on a plane causing nuisance to other passengers. In some serious cases, cabin crew members or even security guards had to intervene to help resolve the issue. Those idiots are every traveller’s worst nightmare. We can only hope that we don’t come across any of them when we board a plane next time.

C’est la vie! You’re stuck with bad neighbours. Well, it doesn’t have to end there. What can you do about it? It really depends on your personal intolerance and the terms of effects and consequences that come along.

If you know it’s going to be a short term, a one off thing, meaning you won’t have to see them again tomorrow and in the future, you may as well save your breath, shrug it off, put on your headset and go about your own business. Or if possible, walk away from the situation and settle into to a quieter space to avoid any close contacts. All these can be easily done and are within your own control.

What if it’s a long term, an on-going thing? That is, neighbours whom you’ll likely see again and again on a regular basis. Perhaps it’s time to show some assertiveness, time to act and time to get your life back!

I remember how a year ago my parents’ quality of life was affected by the last neighbour living next door. The noise from many late night parties and the music instruments played during the day was insane. In fact, not just my parents, other residents on the whole street had also been affected by it. I didn’t know how bad it was till I was there to experience it myself a few times. Unfortunately, after making numerous complaints to the next door neighbour, still no signs of improvement.

Then on one weekend when I went to visit parents, it happened the next door was hosting another party that Saturday. We all rolled our eyes, gave a big sigh of disbelief and said: Here we go again… As time went by, when it passed midnight and even after 1 AM in the morning, the noise got louder and louder. No number of sealed windows and locked doors could’ve done enough to block out the “pollution”. Realised we’d done all we can (within our power) to stop it, that night I decided that’s it! I’m going to call the police and make a complaint.

I did. Some 30 minutes later, I heard one police car pulling over just outside near our garage driveway. Within a few minutes, the noise level from the next door dropped to almost zero. What a relief! We finally got our peace and quiet back.

Ever since, no more troublemakers, no more tensions, no more noise from the next door neighbour. A few months later, they moved out. Sweet! Now the new neighbour in the same dwelling has been so much easier to deal with.

I went to see my parents last week and already I could feel the marked difference in their quality of life. It’s got so much better.

No one wants to be on bad terms with their neighbours. But when some bad behaviours are crossing the line, becoming more like harassment or even bullying, then it’s a red flag. Enough is enough. You’ve exhausted your options within your power, you’ve taken matters into our own hands. Now what? Ask for help, call the number, and watch this space – your personal space…

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The Importance Of Having A Side Hustle

What’s your Plan B? What’s your fallback plan? This is a type of questions you need to ask yourself if you don’t want to fall victim to life’s ups and downs. Don’t have one yet? Maybe it’s time to consider having one.

We know the possible consequences of putting all eggs in one basket. You risk losing them all. From an investment point of view, you should never place yourself in that high-risk position.

Game on! Remember last time you were in a casino playing Roulette? With a handful of chips in your possession, you weighted up your chances of winning, carefully put them on the table. Were they spread across different numbers? Don’t tell me you had a pile of them all sitting on one number! Anyway, I guess this is a terrible example as I’m not a gambler myself and in no way I’m promoting it, but hey you get the point of what I’m trying to say.

The idea of side hustle came up the other day when I was listening to a radio program on internet and later a podcast on YouTube as well (Funny they all go hand in hand. When you find one thing, the next thing along the same lines then pops up magically). A side hustle as the name suggests, is a second job you do outside the main job. It allows you to earn a secondary income while you earn a regular income from the main job.

Why is a side hustle important? Because it’s like your backup system or safety net when things go wrong. If your “Plan A” goes pear shaped, a side hustle is like your Plan B. You won’t left high and dry, with nothing to spare.

What about you? Do you know someone who has a side hustle? How did they start from zero to one? Or even better how did they go from zero to hero? Share with me and my readers if you do. For now though, I’ll share with you someone I know first.

Ian is a colleague of mine working part time over three days a week from Wednesday to Friday. The other two days Monday and Tuesday or the weekend, you won’t see him sitting at home doing nothing. He’s got a gardening business to keep him busy. Of course, he also earns money from it.

So, how did his side hustle take off? To my surprise, it was Direct Mail Marketing he ran locally. He started by personally delivering his advertising materials into the letter boxes in the neighbourhood areas. Yes! As simple as that! The rest? Is history. It’s estimated 90% of business come from the nearby residents some blocks away. How good is that?! Even though Ian is 65, getting closer to an official retirement age, he’s still keeping his mind and body active, while remaining engaged in the community through his business. It’s a win win.

They say don’t give up your day job. I agree. In this day and age, when job security no longer exists, you just never know when your day job will become a thing of the past. A side hustle is like a second skill, a second hobby you develop, it may one day become your number 1 sidekick when you need it most…

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Too Much Information?

These days everyone operates their life on social media like an open book. With many eye-catching photos and captivating stories shared on the platforms around the world, our moves are constantly on the spotlight. To keep up with the pace we’re now at, we have to be constantly on the go and update our whereabouts as they happen. It does feel like another full time job sometimes.

The success of some content creators has led more peeps to try to jump on the bandwagon, in a hope that they’ll one day make a name for themselves.

When popularity and fame are up for grabs, who wouldn’t want to present the best version of themselves to the universe? To pursue those images, some go to great lengths to look sharp, sound smart and do cool things. So much so, have we forgotten hey we’re only humans and we have flaws?

There’s a mundane side of life in which we live rarely gets reported. Maybe it’s not flashy or glamorous enough. But is it about time to strike a balance before our curated pictures strike a likable chord with our followers? The thing is we stuff up, we make boo boos, we make mistakes, we slip up, we take a wrong turn, we screw up, we fuck up, we relapse… All these describe one thing – humans make errors, lots! It’s normal. It’s only abnormal when we think it’s not normal to show it.

Want to try it out? What’ll happen if people go and reveal their imperfect self to audience or readers out there? You know, those things that have been airbrushed or kept under the carpet? Shortcomings, vulnerability, weaknesses and things that didn’t go according to plan or something that you tried and failed a couple of times!

Once the “secret” is out, everyone kind of knows. So what’s next? You aren’t seen as someone as perfectly portrayed before. Is it going to be the end of the world? Not quite!

In my case, you have no idea how many times after each posting, I thought: What have I done? What on earth?! Why did I want to tell everyone about that for? I felt silly expressing myself so openly but part of me still went along regardless. Over time, I could feel my skin is getting thicker and thicker. At least, I’ve been true to myself and to my word. The bottom line is simple: My wish is to inspire and to make a difference through “true” story telling.

Then just the other day I was at home watching a documentary film about an organic farmer and his field. Asked why he’s doing it the hard/organic way instead of the conventional/artificial way, he responded: Everyone needs to be a fool at least once in their life time. It’s stuck with me since! I could really understand a profound meaning behind that… Can you?

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Is Enough Good Enough?

More more more, big big big. The more the better, the bigger the better. Don’t mind if some say the more you have, the more you have to maintain. Just give me more!

When do you know it’s enough? For me, I didn’t know when till I got my hands and feet dirty.

On this overcast Sunday, we came to this beautiful affluent beach suburb for a walk. Like before I was amazed by many large luxurious houses along the way. Looking at the sizes, I couldn’t help but wondered: Gee! How did they make it? Of course my amazement wasn’t unfounded or baseless. I’ve been paying my home loan for years, I know how hard it is to make ends meet.

Well, perhaps there’s nothing to envy. Didn’t they say: a big house, a big mortgage? But surely it doesn’t apply to everyone. I’m so intrigued. What do they do for living? Are they all doctors? accountants? lawyers or some CEOs of major players in town? Or are they a bunch of lucky people?

The funny thing is, even on a bright sunny day, I noticed most of those big houses had their blinds or curtains completely shut. What’s the point? Juts blocking the sunlight from the windows? Or something deeper is going on? Is it a case of the more you have, the more you feel insecure and the more you’re afraid to lose it?

Of course, we didn’t come here to watch people’s houses. The nearby by bush reserve is what we were after.

The weather changed quite rapidly from a cloudy morning to a rainy afternoon in a matter a few hours. When we were done with our walk, I was wet, full of dirt, sand and mud, so was my dog James. OK I admit I tempted fate but hey no regrets!

Looking at myself in that state, I didn’t really care about living in a big house with huge yards, a large garage, two grand bathrooms, a giant swimming pool etc. I was just happy to be back in my own doggy place, bathed my dog and had a comfy hot shower myself. Best of all, I finished the day with great comfort of knowing my little humble home is good enough (and big enough) for me…

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We All Have Some Form Of OCD

OCD is a mental health condition I’ve been battling for years. It has plagued my life and had a huge impact on my last relationship.

I used to hate people joking about my OCD. I kind of laughed it off and hoped they’d drop the subject or simply go away. Now? I have an urge to educate people about what OCD really is.

In their eyes, I have this strange ritual that I perform seems ridiculous to them. Little do they know it’s just my coping mechanism. Trust me! Everyone has some form of OCD. Most are minor, few are major. The difference is only in degree but we’re all in this together, we’re all in the same boat.

Here’s an interesting question. Where did my OCD come from? I guess I was born with it. It’s no secret, no big deal and probably nothing new to people who know me well. Gratefully, they accept the way I am. Whatever, I’m living with it and prefer to deal with it privately. All in all, I’m not ashamed of it.

Now I know why there’s only a very fine line between strength and weakness. Neither is more or less important than the other. It’s up to you how you want to see OCD and use it to your advantage. I totally get it and I’m saying this in an orderly fashion!

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Money Has Two Faces

Money has two faces. So do people who want it badly.

Let’s set the record straight. Money isn’t a dirty word. Who doesn’t like money? If you don’t, my next question is: What’s wrong with you?

Money is only dirty if we “make” it dirty.

Look around, people are more exposed than ever. If we don’t watch our back, we can easily become a soft target for scammers out there.

Where do those scammers come from? They can be someone who sends you an unsolicited SMS message or email, a stranger who calls you up for personal/company financial information or simply a random person on a street stopping you for cash. As their tactics are getting more and more sophisticated, it’s hard to pin down exactly their true motives. But a good rule of thumb is, anything that requires you to open your wallet, think twice!

Among all suspicious people I’ve come across and dealt with, I must say below is one of the standouts.

When I was walking on my way back to the office today 4 years ago, then coming from an opposite direction, this stranger, speaking with a foreign accent and wearing an ethnic-looking costume stopped me right in a middle of the street. He quickly pointed his finger at me and to my forehead and said “Good luck will come to you next month”.

I was a bit stunned by his action, thinking what the hell… I forced a smile but remained very cautious. Not letting me go, he carried himself like a sales person. I could tell he must’ve done this many times. Quite oddly, he claimed himself a holy man and a fortune teller. “Show me your palm” he said, I did but kept a safe distance and ensured no hand touching. In a matter of few seconds he wrote something down in a tiny piece of paper, squashed it and made it into a pea sized ball then passed it on to me. “Hold it but don’t open it” he insisted. I found myself becoming more intrigued and my curiosity taking over my initial resistance.

In the midst of confusion, he asked me 2 questions: what my favourite colour is and what my favourite number is. Feeling somewhat skeptical, I kept the answers to myself while holding this small squashed paper in my hand. “Now blow it and open it” he said. I thought this is getting a bit bizarre… Don’t know why but I did what I was told. Then I saw the right answers in front of my face. Admittedly, I was impressed but not overly so.

He went on to analyse my life saying that I have a smiley face outside, but inside I’m an unhappy man. I work hard but feel under-appreciated, I have two bad habits that I need to break (note: this is the most part I was interested in) and a love of my life will come to me next month etc. Lastly, the highlight: he opened his little note book, looked me in the eye and said in a firm voice tone “Now put your money there!”. Surprised and not surprised, I told him I don’t have any money with me. “I don’t believe you” he responded as if his mask had just dropped. I repeated ” I don’t have money” then quickly ran away…

Looking back, it’s kind of laughable now. Well, he got those 2 easy questions right but not the money part. Want my money? Out of the question!

To me, some of his words still lingered but I wasn’t taking it too seriously. Believe or not, there were 2 scammers in that week. Enough…

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Put Up Or Shut Up?

I’m a man of contradictions. Sometimes I can even hold it against myself. Sounds weird huh?

I don’t like any types of confrontation. So uncomfortable that I’d avoid it if I could. However, when a situation warrants it and requires me to act or speak out, I don’t hesitate. I guess this is one of contradictions that I can call upon myself all the time.

This unparalleled courage often just comes through effortlessly. I don’t need to summon it up or make an extra effort to bring it all out. What drives me is my intuition, a natural instinct. I wish I could switch it off just like that. But too bad! I was born with it. I won the genetic lottery. I hit the jackpot. It’s in my DNA. But I came out the womb this way for a reason.

Years ago Dad told me that an unwillingness to disguise my feelings is a major downfall and will seriously hinder my chances of success in life. In retrospect, maybe he got a point. But back then I thought he was too old school, so I never listened to him or bought into his theory, purely out of stubbornness. Admittedly, it was my ego speaking most of time. Now older and wiser, I’m supposed to be that all rounder person right? Haha, far cry from it. I wonder if I’ll ever grow up one day.

I’m still that person who wears his heart on his sleeve. Perhaps it’s not always a smart thing to do – let your feelings show. All emotional intelligence experts would possibly agree and tell you the ability to manage your emotions is your ticket to many good things in life, like gaining a job promotion or building an intimate relationship. I’m convinced!

In politics, they often say: just put up or shut up. For me, I say: stand up! The ability to get back up again after a fall or speak your mind and have your voice heard or write about your journey and share it with the world audience would really be what I call a success in life, in my book that is…

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Nothing Usual About Business As Usual

Lately I’ve heard the phrase business as usual a lot. Is it trending right now?

Think uncertainty. It’s become the norm for many of us. In a business sense, the job we have today can be gone tomorrow, in a flash. We’ve seen time and time again people lose their jobs at a short notice or a shop on your street close down without a warning. While some may have that “not in my back yard” mentality, none of us is immune to change. We’re all in the same boat.

What’s around the corner? We may never know beforehand. What hasn’t changed is change itself. Many say expect the unexpected. Nice try! Psychologically, it gives us some “normality” to look forward to. At least we can still expect something – even though it’s unpredictability we’re talking about. Who’s got that crystal ball? Give it to me!

If someone says to you: Business as usual. Before you hurry to buy into it, wait a second and ask yourself: Is it what it seems to be or have they got something to hide? I guess it depends on the context but if it’s something that may affect you, you have a good reason to doubt their word.

The message is: You shouldn’t be worried, but you should be wary.

Just a couple of weeks ago, my company held a 3-day conference in Sydney. Fun fun fun. When you have everyone sitting around the table in the same room, you can be sure your word will be under scrutiny and under the watchful eye of many.

In the opening and introduction, no surprise, what took centre stage was the business outlook in the next 12 months. There were words of wisdom and words of encouragement coming out of my CEO. Overall, he was very blunt and much direct to the point about our situation, foreseeable.

What situation? The talk of merger had been going on for a while. Finally, we were given a green light by ACCC (Australian Competition and Consumer Commission) right on the open day of our conference. The timing couldn’t have been more suitable.

No sugar-coating that kind of stuff we wanted from our CEO, just facts we were interested in. No disappointments. He delivered just that. One thing that’s stuck in my head since and left me with something to chew on was – Beware, uncertainty ahead. Speaking of uncertainty, coincidentally, the night before I went publishing a post on my blog entitled Next Stop, The Unknown (https://tsaited.com/2019/08/22/next-stop-the-unknown/). Could I have seen the sign already? Go check it out if you’ve got 3 to 5 minutes.

To be told business as usual is just cold comfort. It’s a quick tactic to buy time and perhaps some stability in the current climate. People don’t need to hear happy talk or sweet talk, they prefer facts. Truth will out. If there’ll be challenges coming their way, be honest, tell them so. People would appreciate it more. The last thing they want to deal with is anything that may later turn out as a big surprise. No one likes to be misled.

Ironically, there’s nothing usual about business as usual. It’s a dog eat dog world. In any competition, there’ll be winners and losers. Our best bet is to increase our chances for success. Even though we have little control over the future, we love clinging to the outcome that’s human nature. The undeniable yet uncomfortable truth is only time will tell, not a fortunate teller. No need to be overly optimistic or pessimistic about the unknown. As pointed out by the guest speaker who came to talk to us about resilience on the last day of the conference, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a glass half full person or half empty person, the more important thing is make sure the glass is refillable…