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Love Like It Has No Expiry Date

A grieving process is about learning to love someone all over again, except this time it’s in their absence… Ted Tsai

Exactly five months have passed. I’m still grieving for my dog Jamie. I miss him.

There’s a certain part of the day or night I found a bit difficult to get through. It may sound ultra-silly but I actually don’t want my sadness to go away.

Why not? Because when I feel the pain is also when I feel closest to him.

I have many regrets. I should’ve taken him out more often, I should’ve paid him more attention, I should’ve spent more time with him, I should’ve done more of this and more of that. I feel like a hypocrite. I often lectured myself and sometimes others on the idea of not taking anything for granted. Now looking back on it, I actually took my dog for granted when he was there.

Yesterday when I was checking the Memories section on my Facebook, I saw this old post of mine pop up. It instantly warmed my heart like no others. It was a message I wrote five years ago, about how much my dog meant to me. I read it again and again until I fully absorbed it. Right at the moment, the weight on my shoulders started to come off.

Without a formal qualification, no fancy psychology/psychiatry degree, all he does is eat, play, sleep and shit. But this fellow has changed my life completely and unreservedly… for better. I don’t need to wait till your birthday or any special days to tell you how much you mean to me. With you, every day is like a present. Most of all, you show me love is a verb, not a noun… lick lick xx

I continued to read the old comments beneath posted by my friends. Those words started to click suddenly. How come it’d taken me this long to get it? I must’ve been living on another planet!

I realised, since my dog’s passing, I’ve grown to relate to others on a deeper emotional level. It’s a gift!

Dogs teach us so much that no others can match. They’re still teaching us even when they’re gone…

Years ago before I had Jamie, I was a material boy. I used to hang around shopping centres every weekend, trying to feed my never-ending desire with reckless spending… Then I had him, on the very first day I took him home, my priorities changed, my care factor also changed. It’s continued to this date. Now, it’s nature that feeds me, my creativity and my spirituality.

Dogs have a very short life span compared to humans. On the eve of the 5 month anniversary of Jamie’s passing, I know one thing for sure: Here or not, their love will never expire…

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Complacency

Complacency is supposed to give us a peace of mind or some self satisfaction, but often there’re twists and turns behind unfinished business. Life never ceases to surprise us in its mysterious way. You’ll never know what’s around the corner.

It’s not done till it’s done.

Funnily enough, what comes to mind when I think of complacency is basketball games. Skills are important of course, there’s no argument about it. But that thing aside, at the end what separates a winner and a loser in the court is complacency.

Say, when a team is leading by a good margin 5 minutes before the game finishes, if they think it’s in the bag and begin to show sign of complacency. It’s a red flag. It can all go downhill from there. As long as their opponent perseveres unrelentingly till the last second, they can still turn the tables, and come out as a dark horse, a winner.

Lately, we’ve seen a massive second wave of coronavirus outbreak after an easing of pandemic restrictions in many parts of world. In the state of Victoria in Australia, it came as a big blow when a surge of people infected resurfaced in the last two weeks or so. At one point, the number of daily new cases even broke the record.

Evidently, the time we loosened up and acted carelessly, it was also the time when the coronavirus found the opportunity to slip through the cracks and launched a sudden attach. We don’t want our complacency to become a breeding ground for the coronavirus to regrow and wipe out our previous efforts that led to flattening the curve.

It’s safe to say, the worst is not over yet. We’re all in this together for the long haul. There’s really no place for complacency in any shape or form.

We can’t wait for life to return to normal again. When will it happen? It’s a big ask. No experts can tell you exactly. For now, rather than being complacent prematurely, let’s make efforts, every step of the way, till it’s done and dusted, ripe for celebration…

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Ted’s Photography 5

When Mother Nature is making a statement, we’d better stop and listen to what she has to say.

The swell was so rough and heavy yesterday that its mega long wavelengths stretched far and beyond, enough to deter the boldest adventurers. The normal accessible sandy beach was completely swallowed by the big waves, and it wasn’t even that time of day for high tide yet…

I used to one of those people would be there rain or shine. In other words, I would continue to do my own things, weather permitting or not, it doesn’t matter.

Recently, I’ve learnt to respect Mother Nature and work my schedules around it. When it rains, it’s time to stay low-key or stay at home. When it shines, it’s time to go out and about or do some laundry.

Never mind if Mother Nature gets a little cranky or becomes unpredictable when she sends out mixed messages. She just wants you humans to know: Don’t mess me up! I’m running the show… Ted Tsai

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Failing Like A Winner

No, I didn’t get the job. I was one of the top 5 but wasn’t “good” enough to be in the top 2 for the final round. That’s life. C’est la vie.

What’s the point of posting this then? To win a sympathy vote from your readers?

I’m posting this because I wanted myself not to forget this experience – my humble beginnings. It may sound odd or silly but in a way I’m glad I didn’t succeed too quickly.

Think about it, failure is a nickname for success, a part of sustainable living! If you’ve failed 10 times, it means you’ve got back up again and again 10 times. Be proud of yourself.

Sure, a winner takes all, but a loser gives all. Yes, it’s about winning but more so, it’s about showing up and giving your 100%, more than once!

What now? It’s time to go back to the drawing board and start from a blank page afresh.

Rest assured, your past efforts aren’t wasted, they’re stored and reserved for improvement.

Make or break? It’s OK if you don’t make it, at least you break it – your own record, your personal best… That’s winning!

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Writer’s Block

You don’t have to be right, you just need to write.

So be it, if it doesn’t make sense.

So be it, if no one is going to read it.

So be it, if no one is going to like it.

So what? If it’s mediocre.

It’s your voice. Write. Spell it out. One letter at a time, one word at a time, one sentence at a time, one paragraph at a time…

If you don’t know what to write, write: I don’t know what to write.

If you are struggling to come up with a creative idea, write: I’m struggling to come up with a creative idea.

If you are feeling insecure about your writing, write: I’m feeling insecure about my writing.

Before you realise it, you’ve written the first sentence.

What about the second sentence? Where do you go from there?

Write: I’m proud that I’ve written the first sentence.

What about the third sentence, the fourth sentence and so on?

If you keep going like this, do you fear that you’ll bore your readers to death?

Write, even if it doesn’t make sense.

Write, even if no one is going to read it.

Write, even if no one is going to like it.

Write, fill in the blanks, no BLOCK LETTERS necessary…

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On The Job Front

I haven’t gone back to my blog to write stuff for 9 days. Not that I’ve been lazy but I’ve been busy preparing for job interviews. Yes, job interviews. Lucky me!

It’s OK if you are not ready, as long as you are prepared.

Every time I go preparing for an interview, I often come up with something new I can talk about. It goes to show you can never be sure that you are ready for it. I’ve found that having a good preparation such as writing a few drafts beforehand, coupled with a simple breathing exercise or meditation practice, keeps my mind at ease. The rest, I’ll just leave it up to fate. Why fate? Too many factors are way outside my control.

Talking about control, the last thing you want is distractions. You never know what’s around the corner. Say if you’re selected to have a telephone interview tomorrow, what if one of your neighbours starts to mow the lawn or operate machinery or play loud music right when you’re speaking with an interviewer? Tough luck! Or if you’re having a video interview which has become increasingly popular these days, you may run into some annoying issue as mentioned above. Worst yet, if your internet cuts out or some unexpected event disrupts at the last minute. Your best bet is to shut all the doors and windows hoping you’ll have some peace and quiet moment.

This job I applied for 3 weeks ago, I was competing against other 200 plus candidates. Statistically, my chances of landing the job are less than 0.5%. Very slim indeed! Well, I was lucky enough to get shortlisted for the first round and the second round of interviews. What can I say? It’s been quite a journey! Words aren’t enough to describe it. The best way to put it is: It’s been an emotional roller coaster. Yes? No? Yes? No? Now, let the waiting game begin again!

If I can share with you one good tip about job searching, that is, working on a cover letter. Let’s face it, all resumes/CV’s are kind of boring to read. So, your cover letter is your way to showcasing “the other side of you” and adding your personal touch to your skills, experience and personality.

So far, my chances of getting a positive response are 1 in 8 in the past 2 months alone. I’m actually quite pleased with the results. Considering the job market, the unemployment rate and the economic climate affected by the coronavirus pandemic, I still got calls from companies wanting to have an interview with me, I can’t complain.

I guess I could wait till I’ve landed a job and start to rave about my success. But that’s not who I am and that’s not what success is all about. For me, each small win is a success in itself and by all means worth celebrating. For example, sending a job application is a small win, getting shortlisted for an interview is a small win. When you’ve accumulated enough small wins, you get to cross the finish line and arrive at the destination.

What now? I shall find out next week if I’ve been shortlisted for the final round of interview. I’m counting my blessings. It’s nice to see lots of my friends keep their fingers crossed for me. Whatever the outcome is, I will give myself a pat on the back for having come this far. I know if not this one, it’ll be the next one and the next one.

Don’t assume and don’t give up…

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Ted’s Photography 4

The Destination: Known.

The Journey: Unknown.

Sometimes you need to block all the noises that distract you and just follow your nose – the intuition – the inner radar.

A week ago I came back to Manly Dam to finish unfinished business – finding the waterfall. Forget about the Google Maps app, this adventure was all about trusting own instincts. Did I have fear of getting lost? You bet, but part of me, the silly stubborn side of me kept going without a slightest pause.

It was Christmas Day 2016 when I last ventured into this site with my dog Jamie. This time I was on my own with his ashes – my kindred spirit for life. With a bit perseverance, I voluntarily let my faint memories lead the way. And? There it was! The waterfall. Time for a photo opportunity… Ted Tsai

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Ted’s Photography 3

Interestingly, what was thought to be a mistake, it turned out to be a pleasant surprise. This is one of hidden gems I recovered by accident or after making a “wrong” turn. I guess a road less travelled has its payoff too… Ted Tsai

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Ted’s Photography 2

Who says you can’t have fun when you are on your own? I like the fact that I can jump into my car and go for a drive whenever possible, without having to make a prior arrangement with anyone or conform to their tight schedule.

It’s been several years since I went exploring Manly Dam last time. Around a week ago I came to this area for bush walking and to have some downtime with myself. Of course, I wasn’t entirely alone. I also carried Jamie’s ashes with me.

I often find inspiration for my creativity when I go out and about. Occasionally I do a bit people-watching. Most of the time I prefer some peace and quiet and just immerse myself in nature and try to live in the moment. I guess I can call it my way of meditation.

Before I knew it, it was time to wrap up the day. The sunset was truly beautiful. Luckily, I was quick enough to capture the tinniest moment before it went hiding behind the clouds on the horizon… Ted Tsai

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That’s What Mothers Do

Just you and me! Mother-Son time.

That day I called my mum and asked her out for a walk. She said OK straight away, even without knowing where I was going to take her to. She doesn’t mind if I give her a moment notice. That’s what mothers do…

When we got there, she mentioned I’ve lost some weight since Jamie’s (my dog) passing. I could tell she was a bit teary behind the sunglasses. To get out of it, I quickly suggested that we take some photos.

Then, a typical perfectionist, a hard-to-please son, I was quite critical of my mum’s photography skills and trying to offer my “expert” advice, but judging by the results, it was totally unnecessary. I must say she did an excellent job…

Again, that’s what mothers do… No further narrative is required.

Ted