Category: Life

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Who Do You Think You Are?

There’s only one race, it’s called human race.

I still remember this powerful line from a community ad in Australia. It came right at the time when a newly elected parliament member was out to get some publicity. In her maiden speech, it was nothing but provoking an anti immigration sentiment, xenophobia and fears of foreign invasions. No surprise, one particular racial group – Asian was targeted. Yes, the media loved her and gave a plenty of coverage about her whereabouts. We saw the nation split between for and against groups but overall those who held an extreme view were never a majority.

True, Australia has long been known as a racist country due to its history of White Australia Policy. But that’s a thing of the past. Which country in the world doesn’t go on a day without carrying a dark past? Australia has moved on all because it did something to heal the past – including having anti discrimination act made into law and saying sorry to the stolen generations. Without these brave moves, the old wounds would’ve remained wide open and got passed down to the next generation and after.

Weeks ago a friend and I had a heated yet healthy debate over the issue of identity. Who am I? Not the stereotype most people think I am racially, ethnically or culturally. The thing is I don’t put myself into a particular basket or a specific category then act accordingly. I see myself as a global citizen. That’s all. I’m not a guy who lets other things like my backgrounds such as where I was born or where I grew up define my identity.

Who Do You Think You Are?

The Aussie series of “Who do you think you are?” were first aired 4 years ago on channel SBS. After watching a few episodes, it left me with a big question mark. I couldn’t help but wondered: Where did my ancestors come from?

So curious that I called my mum one night to find out more. We had a heartfelt conversation about my past, her generation and my grandparents’. Together I got some questions answered. It was nice to bring those things to light. Now I have a better understanding of my family tree and what’s in my blood. Again, my heritage is something I’m proud of but it’s not something that defines me.

Interestingly, a simple quest for my ancestors that night also got my dad talking about his past. From memories, never once had I seen my dad talking to his father (my grandfather). I don’t know what had happened between them two. Somehow, finding my roots also served as a long-awaited process for healing the past…

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Next Stop, The Unknown

Do you must know? Do you must have the answers to those questions, right here right now?

It’s a big ask, isn’t it?

Let’s face it. It’s not the future’s fault. It’s just doing its job – to be unknown. Stop bothering the future, leave it alone, leave it where it is. Take a small step one second, one minute, one hour and one day at a time, instead.

There you go. You get your hands dirty, you plant the crops to the best of your ability. You time well, you give your 100%, you do whatever humanly can. You have a wealth of knowledge and skills in the field. Still, there’s no guarantee. The rest is up to Mother Nature or Father Nature or whatever greater than you. You’re at her/his mercy in all sorts of conditions. You remain optimistic under any circumstances, hope for a bumper harvest in the coming season but you have NO say, NO control over the final outcome.

What on earth am I mentioning about growing crops here?

I still remember those job seeking days. When I was very unsure, farmers/growers are the group of people whom I drew inspirations from for dealing with my own uncertainty and insecurity. You just get up, live through the unknown, find a better way and try again. It was this mindset that helped me get through those tough times.

That was then in early 2013. I was at the career crossroads and in the midst of midlife crisis. The only thing that was known to me when I woke up every morning was nothing but the unknown. Then later I realised whatever I want to know about tomorrow, time will tell in a matter of 24 hours. It’s today that takes us there into tomorrow, the future. Isn’t it about time to give credit to today it so well deserves?

No matter what the future holds, I already have this experience under my belt. That’s all I know and that’s enough for me to know…

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Now Trending, A Frugal Lifestyle

A frugal lifestyle doesn’t have to be boring.

True, obligations and commitments tie me down. But it doesn’t necessarily means I’m stuck. These days playing by ear suits me better than conventional planning. In many cases, to live a life on the spur of the moment often is translated into to live a life in the fast lane. It leads to many discoveries.

I had no immediate plans of going interstate or overseas, so I decided to explore the local for a change. I came across this hidden treasure one Sunday afternoon when I was out and about with my sidekick Jamie. I knew then that I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

I don’t denying the fact that from time to time I do get that feeling – over it Sydney. Still, Sydney has never ceased to surprise me. A series of random encounters like this is the proof. Gone is the old me who used to wander around shopping malls hungry for the latest fashion and gadgets. It did the opposite – it consumed me instead.

For me, on the weekdays, it’s all about wearing multiple hats in the corporate world. But on the weekends, it’s all about letting my hair down in my own world. Most likely I can be seen outdoors somewhere in an old pair of Converse shoes…

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People Either Want Your Money Or Your Attention

No surprise. Coffee is the most traded commodity in the world. Perhaps it’s the aroma, the caffeine or the social aspect that comes with it that gets people hooked on it. Just a few dollars a cup, it’s affordable and it gives us the extra energy boost we need every morning. We spend money, we drink it. Simple as that. It doesn’t require much thinking. No one asks themselves should I or shouldn’t I unless it’s going to be their third or fourth cup in a day.

Well, I hope I’ve got your attention so far by talking about coffee right in the beginning. Of course, I used it in the opening for a reason. Now my question to you:

What are the most wanted commodities in the world? Take a minute to think about it…

Time is up. Yes, you. You’re the most wanted! Believe it or not, someone’s always on the lookout for either your money or your attention – two of your most indispensable commodities.

Where does your money go these days? Mortgage repayments, grocery bills, utility bills or retail therapy? Where do you mostly give your attention to? Your inner wisdom, intuition, critics or other people’s compliments, criticism, feedback etc.?

The catch is we’re just like another fish in the sea, everyone is. We decide if we want to take the bait, eat it and get hooked. If we aren’t careful about what we’re taking in, we can get more than what we bargained for. Devil is in the details. The message here is: Read the fine print. Think twice before you sign your money or attention away.

Speaking of money and attention, one word that comes to mind is “pay”. To state the obvious – we “pay” money, we “pay” attention. This suggests to me that our attention is like money, a valuable commodity and should be treated like one of our most important assets.

How do you cope with all the predators who are eyeballing your money or attention across the city jungle we live in? To ensure you don’t become one of their preys, it’s important to watch your major spending patterns before you open your wallet and take out your cash or credit card. Equally important is to watch your core thought patterns before someone or something has a chance to hack into your brain and dictate your behaviours.

Is it about time to learn how to say No again?

Walking around the streets of Sydney CBD, you’re bound to run into some charity fundraisers. When there’s a crowd, there’s their presence. You can hardly miss them. They’re charismatic, charitable and ultra-friendly. There you are, they see you coming, they’re smiling at you, they know how to melt your heart, they give you one of the biggest compliments you’ll ever hear. All these are for one thing – grabbing your attention. If you’re willing to stop and listen to what they have to say, be prepared. Charity groups need money to run, too. Ultimately, they want your money, your credit card details. It’s for good cause after all. So, if you do end up donating your hard-earned cash to them. Have a nice day! No hard feelings. But if you’re like me, who’s not interested in engaging in any small talk with them, just smile back, politely say No, look away, walk away. Then go about your business.

It’s amazing to see the number of temptations out there each day. Either on line or in person, some aim for our money, some aim for our attention. Anyone or anything without good intent is like a devil in disguise. They’ll make themselves appear/sound too good to be true right from the start, on purpose. It’s a signal – a red flag. Remember, you’re most wanted, you’re also most needed. Whatever you do, wherever you go, don’t be the person who raises the white flag…

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Who Cares?!

Who cares?! Perhaps not as many people as you thought. Trust me, it’s not such a bad thing.

I’ve been living in Sydney for more than half of my life. In my 20’s and 30’s, it was all about pursuing more success, more fame, more recognition and more external validation. The more the merrier that kind of thing. I was busy studying, chasing career goals, travelling a bit and trying to prove something that was worthwhile.

Tried and tested. Life never ceases to surprise me. In its subtle way, it’s led me to take many lessons, some big, some small, some repeated, again and again. There’s something for me to learn and there’s also something for me to unlearn. What can I say? I know the score damn well – I’ve failed the Relationship subject several times but hey at least I never once handed in a blank exam paper! No-show isn’t in my vocabulary.

Now, in my 40’s and soon well into 50’s. Gee! Where has the time gone? My priorities have changed. Put it simply it’s all about valuing those that money can’t buy. Also, my pride in my roots has grown dramatically in recent years. And now I can see it’s all part of puzzles. Piece by piece they form my identity.

Born and bred. MIT. Made in Taiwan. SIA. Settled in Australia.

Notably in 2010, out of somewhere I had this strong desire to re-connect with my old classmates (Class 615) from primary school in New Taipei City, Taiwan. Very slack of me! Only 4 years later, in June 2014 I finally got my act together. With a little effort, I managed to find 15 of them on Facebook.

Throughout the process, I was intrigued to see what each of us had turned out after almost 1/3 of a century passed. Some are happily married with a couple of kids, one is separated, one is divorced, some are still singe and others? I still have no idea up till this day. The truth is, none of us seems to care about anyone’s marital status or what one does as a profession or how much money we make or what sort of life we lead. What brought this bunch of older kids together again is the happy childhood we all share. In there, it is our beloved teacher who gave us tones of wonderful memories to talk about.

Who cares?! I do but only selectively…

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Fake It Won’t Make You Make It

Success looks like a high-end commodity. Everyone wants to have a piece of it. It’s up for grabs if you do the work required. So, what does it take to get there? Well, they say fake it till you make it. Is there such a thing?

Surely, no one likes to be called a fake. We can copy success but to fake success? It’s a No for me.

We know what’s behind a prestigious brand. The name says it all – world class craftsmanship that is second to none and of course an expensive price tag! If you can afford to buy a luxury item from their collection, you get what you pay for – quality plus a fancy label. As for fake stuff? You won’t go anywhere near it. It goes against everything you believe in – authenticity – the real, genuine, right stuff.

Back in November 2017 when I started my blogging journey as a first timer, I was super excited about my newfound identity. So much so I went to update my Facebook profile to say that I’m a blogger and a writer. Excitement aside, I must admit there was a bit of discomfort that came with it. Why? I didn’t believe I’d done enough to live up to the name. My self-proclaimed title felt more like a fantasy than a reality. While writing had never been a stranger to me, my harshest critic (aka myself) wasn’t so kind: Work at it, you aren’t there yet. I agreed. What’s the point of telling the world when you have nothing to brag about? A few days later I decided to take it down and leave it where it was before – a blank space.

Some 16 months in the making…

After having published several posts on my blog, I thought I had something to rave about my work, so I went back to update my Facebook profile again. Contrary to last time, this time I felt more in tune with the new identity – it has an actual substance in it.

These days anyone can call themselves anything they like, I’m an expert in this field or in that field. The thing is if you don’t have evidence to back it up, it’ll fall short very quickly. The notion of fake it till you make it may seem like a well-founded argument on the outside but once we unpack it, we’ll see there’s a hole in it.

Be a runner of your life…

An ex colleague of mine is a marathon runner. He doesn’t call himself one for nothing. He’s done hours of training and run several marathons here and abroad. It’s not always a fun game to play. There’s plenty of sweat. If you don’t have mental and physical toughness, don’t ever think about it. When the camera is rolling, all eyes are on who’s going to cross the finishing line first, you can’t simply fake it to make it.

If you want to know who a real runner is and who isn’t, just check the soles of his/her shoes. A pair of shoes that have been worn and run over hundreds of miles leaves a trace and evidence. You can’t erase it, you can’t fake it. No one can take away from it.

In life, we each run our own race. For me, being a mediocrity isn’t a problem. I see it as part of the process. It’s like a mid-point to success. Remember, if our paths cross or you see me half way, please say hi…

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Have No Time To Write? Think Small!

Have no time to write? Me too. Somehow, I doubled/tripled my output in July.

We all strive to have it all, live a rich, meaningful life, but in the process, certain obligations can take hold and become high priorities, as such we usually end up putting our dreams aside, leaving ourselves with no time to do those things that are equally fulfilling and rewarding. Funnily enough, we even consider them as a guilty pleasure.

When can time be finally on our side?

Lots of us have a full-time work commitment and/or a family commitment or a study commitment. Everyone is time-poor these days, who’s got a whole big block of time that can be set aside for writing or anything else?

Perhaps it’s a question of over commitment or maybe a lack of time management in our ability? But all I know for sure is if at the end of day, I haven’t done at least one thing I enjoy doing, it’d mean that day has been wasted. Of course, it may sound a bit exaggeration. After all, from a physics’ point of view, energy is created and transformed (but not “wasted”) to somewhere. It’s true even when we’re stationary. The challenge is where do we put energy to good use to, so it’ll serve us?

For me, it’s writing.

Having written 9 posts in a month is my new record. From the very beginning, I didn’t set out to achieve anything, nor did I have a number in mind, I just wanted to write as often as possible, whenever and wherever I could. Then just let the results speak for themselves.

So there I was in July. I wrote when I was standing, I wrote when I was sitting, while on the bus, during my lunch break, after work hours, at home between house chores. Even at times when I didn’t have a smart phone with me (like when I was in the bathroom), I still stayed relatively active in writing in my head. Word by word, paragraph by paragraph, little did I know, a post was then born out of a blank page. It was a great feeling.

Much has been said about work life balance. For me, it’s all about compromising and sacrificing. To inject writing into my already busy schedules requires a bit learning – how to make the most of my free time. Got only 5 or 10 minutes in between? Not a problem! It’s a matter of setting up smaller blocks of time here and there, then allocating writing to each time slot as you go along – So useful and practical, it’s set a good precedent for my writing ritual to continue this way going forward.

Enough said. Just crunch the numbers!

Amazingly, on any given day, on average I’ll have spare 2 to 3 hours to do just that – something I wouldn’t have thought possible. It’s quite astonishing to watch how little things can add up quickly to become a giant if done consistently and systematically, which has led me to think that if I could do it with writing, what else on the horizon can I also achieve?

Watch this blank space…

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Rejection, A Setback Or A Favour?

Rejection is surely hard to take. It sucks and it hurts big time!

We all face rejection at different stages of life. No one is immune to it. As much as we don’t want to accept it or deal with it, rejection is a fact of life. There’s no shortage of it. It’s here to stay and won’t go away anytime soon.

The ability to handle rejection is an essential part of building life skills. The earlier we learn, the better we’re equipped. In my case, if the school curriculum had included rejection back when I was a student, I would’ve been in a better position to cope with rejection and saved myself many years of unnecessary headaches and heartaches. But wait! As young, rebellious Ted, I doubt I would’ve had the same capability, maturity and wisdom to take it all in, like I do now. Well into my adult years, I learned it the hard way. I have no regrets. That’s life’s way of teaching me a lesson and how I got my fair share of tough love. In a post-mortem, it’s about reflection and improvement going forward, there’s no point of beating myself up or sabotaging myself. The truth is I simply didn’t know any better at that time for whatever reason. It’s OK… Let me repeat, it’s OK…

How do you describe your experience of rejection? For me, rejection is very much in your face. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth for a long time, no question about it. But, behind its ugly veil, can it possibly hide a true beauty we’re yet to see? Like any other important lessons in life, it’s only in hindsight we’re able to grasp the idea fully and realise oh things aren’t always what they seem. Rejection may have a negative connotation attached to it, but if we give it some time and some space, it’ll give back us that aha moment of wow! It’s really a blessing in disguise.

My growing pain… I used to be that person who thought rejection was more a setback, a personal failure. Now older and wiser, I’ve started to see rejection in a completely different light. Believe or not, getting rejection can mean a whole new world out there waiting for you. Think about it, it may not be your loss after all.

In love, getting rejected is common. How many times have you been rejected by people you thought could be your potential partners?

In career, getting rejected is common. How many times have you been rejected by companies you thought could be your potential employers?

Just when you thought you were the best suited man or woman, then, things start to turn ugly. They break the news: Sorry you’re just not my type. It’s me, not you. Sorry, you’re not a right fit for our company. Sounds too familiar?

Even rejection is done carefully with a hint of political correctness or diplomacy, it still sucks! It’s easy for others to say don’t take it too personally. How can you not to?! Well, unless you’re willing to look at it from another angle.

When you get rejected by someone, take a step back, look at a bigger picture, don’t rush to judge it too quickly. Ask yourself these questions:

  • Would I rather get rejected on the spot than spend months or years of my life on a strained relationship then get told sorry it’s not working out?
  • Would I rather get rejected straight away than go through a three to six month probation period in an ill-suited career path then get told sorry I’m not wanted anymore?

It’s a trial and error thing I get it but if an early sign suggests there’re no long-term prospects. Save your tears, save your time, there’s a lot of fish in the sea!

We don’t have to like rejection, we can even hate it if we wish. But we need to learn to live with it. If right now your life is in a better place, it’s because you’ve overcome a series of rejection and moved on to greener pastures. Rejection doesn’t keep you in a limbo. It’s not a bad thing.

Finally, remember rejection is a two-way street.

Someday somewhere, sooner or later it’ll be your turn to call the shots. By then, don’t be afraid that you’ll hurt their feelings or offend them in any way. Your conscience is clear. That’s enough. When you decide to close the door on them. Remember, you might be doing them a big favour…

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Is Silence Our Ally Or Enemy?

Are you not on speaking terms with anyone? And? How long has this Cold War been going on for? Any hope that it’ll end soon? While you’re still in the midst of it, who’s suffering from it?

Chances are we’ve all done it before. I guess we’re all guilty of it too. Like it or not, sometimes we can get a bit passive aggressive in our behaviour – whether it’s in a verbal or non-verbal form.

Our interactions with other fellow human beings are as complicated as ever. Parents, partners, friends, relatives, bosses, co-workers, customers or strangers etc, we don’t always agree with them, neither do they with us. Conflict does occur from time to time. Even to our best effort and ability, some people simply don’t (want to) change. Well, to be fair, they may think the same about us, too. So, what do we do? Silence?

Before I go on. Shhh… Please stay quiet! Silence in progress!

Silence is like a secret weapon. Perhaps it’s our last resort! It’s subtle yet overt. We use it to teach people a lesson. But has anyone learned from it? Is it serving anyone?

With no words exchanged, what does it leave with us? It may seem peaceful on the outside but on the inside, it may not be as simple as the outside appears to be, the storm is wreaking havoc on us. Are we really getting things resolved by an act of pure silence?

In fact, silence is another form of communication. At its core, it’s manipulative. To state the obvious, deep down, we want to control the outcome, except this time round we do it from a different standpoint – we watch from the sidelines. We care but act like we don’t care. We don’t talk but we do lots of mind reading.

Is it true that silence is golden? Some practice silence like a virtue we should worship and follow. For me, silence has always got some negative connotation to it.

Here’s a bizarre case of silence I’d like to share with you. It dates back to 2003 when I was joining in a new team. I remember that morning my manager took me aside and said: Ted, don’t take it personally if Charlie doesn’t want to talk to you. Looking slightly confused, my instant reaction was: Are you serious? Really? Why is he like that?

So yes, in the office open space, Charlie sat merely a metre away from me. He’d refused to talk to me about anything since day one: no morning or afternoon greetings, no work stuff discussions, not acknowledging my existence, just nothing. Zero, none.

The situation continued like this for the next 2 years. It was awkward, uncomfortable to be there. The silence slowly worked its way to erode my confidence and affect me to the point that I felt like:

  • I was just an outsider
  • I was just a number
  • I was just part of the furniture
  • I didn’t fit in or belong

Then what? One day out of blue, like magic, over a team member’s farewell dinner, he pulled his chair closer to mine and started talking to me as if he’d known me for years – I’d been so used to his silence treatment that a token of his new gesture like this really took me by surprise. I literally had to look left and right and make sure he was talking to no one else but me. I was left feeling speechless and joyful, but at the same puzzled… I wondered why he suddenly decided to break his silence and connect with me. Perhaps I’d passed his character test?

The next day I went to tell my manager about it. He was very happy for me but sounded a bit sarcastic in his reply. He said: Well done Ted. Congratulations! It took me a bit longer. 3 years!

The moral of the story? Silence doesn’t build bridges, it burns bridges.

Don’t get me wrong about silence. A temporary silence such as doing meditation or just having a quiet moment alone can give us a leverage to gain clarity and calmness inside. But the long-standing silence that’s deliberately plotted and done in such a way over an extended period, with a hidden agenda, may prove to be more disastrous and counter-productive than helpful.

As you can see, when it comes to silence, there’s so much to explore – its depth, its causes and effects. I can’t be silent on the topic of silence. Very ironic!

Overall, silence does play a part in our lives. It’s not going away, nor can we escape from it. To capitalise on its impacts, it really depends on our intentions. With bad intentions, silence is like the clam before the storm, its detrimental side effects may not be apparent at first but can later make things go from bad to worse, worse to the worst. With good intentions, silence can buy us time and space, pave a way to better understanding ourselves and others, create a win-win situation for both sides.

If silence is your department, what does your silence “say” about you?

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A Confession Of A Gatekeeper

Gone are the days when businesses could afford to sit and wait for customers to arrive at their doorstep and buy their stuff. These days you need to go out there and get them. If an opportunity doesn’t present itself sooner enough, what do you to? You go and create one yourself.

Don’t expect it to be an easy ride. Why not? There’re many good sales people around, and they all want the same thing – a big piece of the pie, more customers and more profits. If you’re a sales person, you may think you have a brilliant idea, fantastic products and services. And next? How do you stand out from the crowd? How do you find your customers?

If advertising and marketing campaigns don’t do you justice, you may want to try out something more direct and proactive – cold calling (telemarketing) or door knocking (door-to-door sales). That’s not a bad idea. But, beware! What you’ll likely face is a big Great Wall of China in front of you – gatekeepers! Who are they? They can be someone who answers your phone call or the door first. You surely want to please these people and make good lasting impressions when you turn up abruptly; however, you don’t want to appear too eager or desperate in your approach, or you’ll scare them off and end up having your call hung up or the door slammed right in your face. All in all, you are a sale person but you don’t want to sound like a sales person too much, or your sales pitch will soon fall on deaf ears, be forgotten in no time.

In my day job, I get to wear different hats. On any given day, I’m one of those gatekeepers who screens unsolicited phone calls and strangers/visitors in the office. My position as office manager is to decide who gets the opportunities and who doesn’t. It’s not all fun and games but someone has to do it.

It’s no surprise that over the years the number of offers I’ve turned down outweighs the number of offers I’ve accepted. After all I’m here to protect my company interest. Not all invitations are welcome unfortunately. From my perspectives, those who didn’t get the nod from me were someone who:

  • Were very ambiguous about the nature of the call when asked.
  • Called from overseas and weren’t familiar with our industry or geography.
  • Didn’t introduce themselves properly, their name, the company they were representing.
  • Were very persistent and overbearing in their approach, didn’t take No for an answer. Even sounded rude or behaved aggressively when I said I’m not interested.
  • Products and services weren’t relevant to our industry or suited our needs at that time.

On a positive note, one person that got the nod from me was a sales executive from an office supplies company. Here’s the reason why:

  • He was polite and professional to deal with. On his first visit, he took time to explain his products and services well and how they could save us time and money. Before I closed the door, he left me with their product catalogue and his business card for the future reference. I remember I said No to him on two occasions. But on his third visit, it also came a time when I was sick and tired of getting office supplies (including reams of copy paper) myself from downstairs, so I decided to give him a try and order online. Since then, he’d come back visiting me in person, bringing along their new product catalogues or some free samples to try. It wasn’t always about business, sometimes we’d just have a quick catch up over coffee talking about life in general. He not only won my business but also friendship.

There you go, a confession of a gatekeeper – no more Mr Nice guy or Yes man. At the end of the day, it’s all about knowing what makes gatekeepers tick, before you have a chance to get your foot in the door. Agree?

Good luck!