Month: August 2019

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Live In The Moment Without Distractions

We capture various moments in life through lenses, then curate and edit them to look beautiful and flawless. Bingo! The job is done. A final version is ready. We can’t wait to showcase it to the world.

While we focus on documenting our latest movements in every step of the way, have we forgotten to live it instead? Now distractions are just about everywhere. People affected by it are on the rise. Many experts have said that social media is often to blame. But if we’re honest with ourselves, that’s just a scapegoat, it’s us made it that way.

When was the last time you ever sat down and had a proper meal without bowing to any other stimuli? Can you remember? Or does it feel like a distant memory already?

A couple of days ago I had a business lunch with a group of four associates in a nearby 5-star hotel. It was organised a month beforehand by the hotel’s Director of Sales and Marketing to show appreciation for my on-going support. Being invited to an event like this, I was very much looking forward to it.

We met up in the lobby first, then were taken to one of the reserved tables in the restaurant upstairs. When we got there, they kindly offered me to sit at the head of the table. I gratefully accepted it.

The waiter who came to serve us was gentle and polite. He pulled my chair out and let me sit comfortably. From that moment on, I felt like I was treated like a VIP. You don’t call it a 5 star hotel for nothing.

After we all sat down, I put my phone down on one side of the table roughly one elbow away from my eyesight. I think I was the only guy who had the phone in sight. All others had their phones tucked away somewhere.

At all times we were totally engaged in the conversation. None of us were distracted by other things around us except when the bright sunlight was streaming through the windows, hurting one of the guests’ eyes, only then we had to stop and ask the waiter to adjust the blinds to bring them down. Other than that, we were 100% present in our interaction.

Later when the waiter brought me the entrée and the main course I’d ordered, I was so impressed with the presentation. They looked too good to eat! No, wasn’t me. I’m not one of those Facebook users who’d be quick to reach for their phone and take a few photos. None of us was tempted. We just left our phones alone and carried on our talks and simply enjoyed the food. Must say it tasted very delicious. Just what I needed.

It was amazing how nearly 2 hours of lunch went by just like that. As they say, time flies when you’re having fun. Needless to say, I loved every minute of it, didn’t want it to stop. But hey some of us had to go back to work…

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Who Do You Think You Are?

There’s only one race, it’s called human race.

I still remember this powerful line from a community ad in Australia. It came right at the time when a newly elected parliament member was out to get some publicity. In her maiden speech, it was nothing but provoking an anti immigration sentiment, xenophobia and fears of foreign invasions. No surprise, one particular racial group – Asian was targeted. Yes, the media loved her and gave a plenty of coverage about her whereabouts. We saw the nation split between for and against groups but overall those who held an extreme view were never a majority.

True, Australia has long been known as a racist country due to its history of White Australia Policy. But that’s a thing of the past. Which country in the world doesn’t go on a day without carrying a dark past? Australia has moved on all because it did something to heal the past – including having anti discrimination act made into law and saying sorry to the stolen generations. Without these brave moves, the old wounds would’ve remained wide open and got passed down to the next generation and after.

Weeks ago a friend and I had a heated yet healthy debate over the issue of identity. Who am I? Not the stereotype most people think I am racially, ethnically or culturally. The thing is I don’t put myself into a particular basket or a specific category then act accordingly. I see myself as a global citizen. That’s all. I’m not a guy who lets other things like my backgrounds such as where I was born or where I grew up define my identity.

Who Do You Think You Are?

The Aussie series of “Who do you think you are?” were first aired 4 years ago on channel SBS. After watching a few episodes, it left me with a big question mark. I couldn’t help but wondered: Where did my ancestors come from?

So curious that I called my mum one night to find out more. We had a heartfelt conversation about my past, her generation and my grandparents’. Together I got some questions answered. It was nice to bring those things to light. Now I have a better understanding of my family tree and what’s in my blood. Again, my heritage is something I’m proud of but it’s not something that defines me.

Interestingly, a simple quest for my ancestors that night also got my dad talking about his past. From memories, never once had I seen my dad talking to his father (my grandfather). I don’t know what had happened between them two. Somehow, finding my roots also served as a long-awaited process for healing the past…

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Next Stop, The Unknown

Do you must know? Do you must have the answers to those questions, right here right now?

It’s a big ask, isn’t it?

Let’s face it. It’s not the future’s fault. It’s just doing its job – to be unknown. Stop bothering the future, leave it alone, leave it where it is. Take a small step one second, one minute, one hour and one day at a time, instead.

There you go. You get your hands dirty, you plant the crops to the best of your ability. You time well, you give your 100%, you do whatever humanly can. You have a wealth of knowledge and skills in the field. Still, there’s no guarantee. The rest is up to Mother Nature or Father Nature or whatever greater than you. You’re at her/his mercy in all sorts of conditions. You remain optimistic under any circumstances, hope for a bumper harvest in the coming season but you have NO say, NO control over the final outcome.

What on earth am I mentioning about growing crops here?

I still remember those job seeking days. When I was very unsure, farmers/growers are the group of people whom I drew inspirations from for dealing with my own uncertainty and insecurity. You just get up, live through the unknown, find a better way and try again. It was this mindset that helped me get through those tough times.

That was then in early 2013. I was at the career crossroads and in the midst of midlife crisis. The only thing that was known to me when I woke up every morning was nothing but the unknown. Then later I realised whatever I want to know about tomorrow, time will tell in a matter of 24 hours. It’s today that takes us there into tomorrow, the future. Isn’t it about time to give credit to today it so well deserves?

No matter what the future holds, I already have this experience under my belt. That’s all I know and that’s enough for me to know…

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Now Trending, A Frugal Lifestyle

A frugal lifestyle doesn’t have to be boring.

True, obligations and commitments tie me down. But it doesn’t necessarily means I’m stuck. These days playing by ear suits me better than conventional planning. In many cases, to live a life on the spur of the moment often is translated into to live a life in the fast lane. It leads to many discoveries.

I had no immediate plans of going interstate or overseas, so I decided to explore the local for a change. I came across this hidden treasure one Sunday afternoon when I was out and about with my sidekick Jamie. I knew then that I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

I don’t denying the fact that from time to time I do get that feeling – over it Sydney. Still, Sydney has never ceased to surprise me. A series of random encounters like this is the proof. Gone is the old me who used to wander around shopping malls hungry for the latest fashion and gadgets. It did the opposite – it consumed me instead.

For me, on the weekdays, it’s all about wearing multiple hats in the corporate world. But on the weekends, it’s all about letting my hair down in my own world. Most likely I can be seen outdoors somewhere in an old pair of Converse shoes…

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People Either Want Your Money Or Your Attention

No surprise. Coffee is the most traded commodity in the world. Perhaps it’s the aroma, the caffeine or the social aspect that comes with it that gets people hooked on it. Just a few dollars a cup, it’s affordable and it gives us the extra energy boost we need every morning. We spend money, we drink it. Simple as that. It doesn’t require much thinking. No one asks themselves should I or shouldn’t I unless it’s going to be their third or fourth cup in a day.

Well, I hope I’ve got your attention so far by talking about coffee right in the beginning. Of course, I used it in the opening for a reason. Now my question to you:

What are the most wanted commodities in the world? Take a minute to think about it…

Time is up. Yes, you. You’re the most wanted! Believe it or not, someone’s always on the lookout for either your money or your attention – two of your most indispensable commodities.

Where does your money go these days? Mortgage repayments, grocery bills, utility bills or retail therapy? Where do you mostly give your attention to? Your inner wisdom, intuition, critics or other people’s compliments, criticism, feedback etc.?

The catch is we’re just like another fish in the sea, everyone is. We decide if we want to take the bait, eat it and get hooked. If we aren’t careful about what we’re taking in, we can get more than what we bargained for. Devil is in the details. The message here is: Read the fine print. Think twice before you sign your money or attention away.

Speaking of money and attention, one word that comes to mind is “pay”. To state the obvious – we “pay” money, we “pay” attention. This suggests to me that our attention is like money, a valuable commodity and should be treated like one of our most important assets.

How do you cope with all the predators who are eyeballing your money or attention across the city jungle we live in? To ensure you don’t become one of their preys, it’s important to watch your major spending patterns before you open your wallet and take out your cash or credit card. Equally important is to watch your core thought patterns before someone or something has a chance to hack into your brain and dictate your behaviours.

Is it about time to learn how to say No again?

Walking around the streets of Sydney CBD, you’re bound to run into some charity fundraisers. When there’s a crowd, there’s their presence. You can hardly miss them. They’re charismatic, charitable and ultra-friendly. There you are, they see you coming, they’re smiling at you, they know how to melt your heart, they give you one of the biggest compliments you’ll ever hear. All these are for one thing – grabbing your attention. If you’re willing to stop and listen to what they have to say, be prepared. Charity groups need money to run, too. Ultimately, they want your money, your credit card details. It’s for good cause after all. So, if you do end up donating your hard-earned cash to them. Have a nice day! No hard feelings. But if you’re like me, who’s not interested in engaging in any small talk with them, just smile back, politely say No, look away, walk away. Then go about your business.

It’s amazing to see the number of temptations out there each day. Either on line or in person, some aim for our money, some aim for our attention. Anyone or anything without good intent is like a devil in disguise. They’ll make themselves appear/sound too good to be true right from the start, on purpose. It’s a signal – a red flag. Remember, you’re most wanted, you’re also most needed. Whatever you do, wherever you go, don’t be the person who raises the white flag…

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Who Cares?!

Who cares?! Perhaps not as many people as you thought. Trust me, it’s not such a bad thing.

I’ve been living in Sydney for more than half of my life. In my 20’s and 30’s, it was all about pursuing more success, more fame, more recognition and more external validation. The more the merrier that kind of thing. I was busy studying, chasing career goals, travelling a bit and trying to prove something that was worthwhile.

Tried and tested. Life never ceases to surprise me. In its subtle way, it’s led me to take many lessons, some big, some small, some repeated, again and again. There’s something for me to learn and there’s also something for me to unlearn. What can I say? I know the score damn well – I’ve failed the Relationship subject several times but hey at least I never once handed in a blank exam paper! No-show isn’t in my vocabulary.

Now, in my 40’s and soon well into 50’s. Gee! Where has the time gone? My priorities have changed. Put it simply it’s all about valuing those that money can’t buy. Also, my pride in my roots has grown dramatically in recent years. And now I can see it’s all part of puzzles. Piece by piece they form my identity.

Born and bred. MIT. Made in Taiwan. SIA. Settled in Australia.

Notably in 2010, out of somewhere I had this strong desire to re-connect with my old classmates (Class 615) from primary school in New Taipei City, Taiwan. Very slack of me! Only 4 years later, in June 2014 I finally got my act together. With a little effort, I managed to find 15 of them on Facebook.

Throughout the process, I was intrigued to see what each of us had turned out after almost 1/3 of a century passed. Some are happily married with a couple of kids, one is separated, one is divorced, some are still singe and others? I still have no idea up till this day. The truth is, none of us seems to care about anyone’s marital status or what one does as a profession or how much money we make or what sort of life we lead. What brought this bunch of older kids together again is the happy childhood we all share. In there, it is our beloved teacher who gave us tones of wonderful memories to talk about.

Who cares?! I do but only selectively…

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After All, Anxiety Just Needs A Dummy

Feed me! Feed me! Now! I mean N.O.W. now! Do you want me to spell it out?

Anxiety is throwing a tantrum at you like an unruly child. Oh No, not again! You become rather restless. You don’t know what to do. Meanwhile, anxiety is whispering in your ear: You are the worst parent in the world!

As the day progresses, that voice gets louder and louder, not to mention, those words that come out of its mouth also get nastier and nastier. Your heart is racing like a race car at Formula One or whatever the Grand Prix, your palms and armpits are sweating like Niagara Falls. Soon, you start to believe what anxiety has to say about you: You are a bad parent, a bad father, a bad mother, a bad boss, a bad colleague, a bad lover, a bad friend, even a bad loser. Everything except a badass! Way before the night sets in, you already feel as if it was the end of the world. Feeling helpless, you hide yourself in a little corner wondering: Could it get any worse than this?

Welcome to the prison cell of anxiety! Hello you, a jail bird, you’ve been hijacked and you’ve been sentenced to life. You start to act like a lost soul behind bar. Life sentence? It feels more like a death sentence in there. You can barely talk let alone walk, you’re dying inside, who gives a shit about writing a will. Your freedom is at anxiety’s mercy. You tell yourself you can’t function anymore. You look around thinking: Where is anxiety? Smile, you are on camera! It’s looking at you with a grin on the face: Sucker! Got you!

Your current situation is spiraling out of control. You feel stuck. Part of you is feeling sorry for yourself, another part of you is trying to find a way to distracting yourself from the side effects of anxiety. You start to perform those ridiculous OCD rituals just to get through the day and the night. Those so called bad habits also start to resurface wanting a piece of you – your health mostly. Come on! smoke, drink, get numb, it won’t hurt! You’re weak. You go ahead and do it like there’s no tomorrow.

Crazy! Crazy! What do you do? You do what you normally do. You get what you normally get out of. You call your best friends hoping to get some sympathetic/empathetic response. Haha, little do you know, when they see its your number on their phone screen, they decide not to answer it. Even if they do, they tell you they’re busy, not right now. For some silly reason, you begin to take things very personally. Feeling defected, you call your shrink or any health professionals you can find on your phone book. Surprise! Surprise! All you get is being put on a waiting list. At best, the next available appointment is some 2 months away. Before you have a chance to say goodbye, the receptionist has already hung up. Now you worry you’ll relapse into same old misery again. Perhaps you already have!

After all is said and done. You surrender. You give up fighting. You accept anxiety for what it is – nothing more, nothing less. Suck it up! You pluck up the courage, walk up to anxiety to see what it’s been up to. Suddenly…

You realise the reason why anxiety has been crying out loud. It’s dropped the damn dummy/pacifier on the floor! You pick it up, give it a rinse, then put it back into its mouth. Next, you realise anxiety has wet itself in bed. It’s time to change a diaper/nappy. It stinks like hell but you do it anyway. What’s to be afraid of? You’ve been to hell and back. It’s nothing compared to that. Before you know it, the tide is turning. Time is now on your side for a change. Anxiety is in its best behaviour – sleeping like a baby.

Finally, you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Relief is on the way. You have a quiet moment to yourself. You come to a realisation that all these years what you haven’t really done is – toilet train anxiety!

No doubt anxiety is powerful, overwhelming, nagging and desperate! It can minimise your rationality, belittle your every effort to get better, throw your plans into disarray. Despite it all, one thing that anxiety can’t do in any means is to take away your playful side – your ability to make fun of yourself, make fun of anxiety. When you laugh at yourself, laugh at anxiety, seriously, no one gets offended. If they do, you know it’s their problem.

Lastly, before I close this post, here’s a quick quote of mine to share with you:

When anxiety sucks, just give it a dummy…

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Fake It Won’t Make You Make It

Success looks like a high-end commodity. Everyone wants to have a piece of it. It’s up for grabs if you do the work required. So, what does it take to get there? Well, they say fake it till you make it. Is there such a thing?

Surely, no one likes to be called a fake. We can copy success but to fake success? It’s a No for me.

We know what’s behind a prestigious brand. The name says it all – world class craftsmanship that is second to none and of course an expensive price tag! If you can afford to buy a luxury item from their collection, you get what you pay for – quality plus a fancy label. As for fake stuff? You won’t go anywhere near it. It goes against everything you believe in – authenticity – the real, genuine, right stuff.

Back in November 2017 when I started my blogging journey as a first timer, I was super excited about my newfound identity. So much so I went to update my Facebook profile to say that I’m a blogger and a writer. Excitement aside, I must admit there was a bit of discomfort that came with it. Why? I didn’t believe I’d done enough to live up to the name. My self-proclaimed title felt more like a fantasy than a reality. While writing had never been a stranger to me, my harshest critic (aka myself) wasn’t so kind: Work at it, you aren’t there yet. I agreed. What’s the point of telling the world when you have nothing to brag about? A few days later I decided to take it down and leave it where it was before – a blank space.

Some 16 months in the making…

After having published several posts on my blog, I thought I had something to rave about my work, so I went back to update my Facebook profile again. Contrary to last time, this time I felt more in tune with the new identity – it has an actual substance in it.

These days anyone can call themselves anything they like, I’m an expert in this field or in that field. The thing is if you don’t have evidence to back it up, it’ll fall short very quickly. The notion of fake it till you make it may seem like a well-founded argument on the outside but once we unpack it, we’ll see there’s a hole in it.

Be a runner of your life…

An ex colleague of mine is a marathon runner. He doesn’t call himself one for nothing. He’s done hours of training and run several marathons here and abroad. It’s not always a fun game to play. There’s plenty of sweat. If you don’t have mental and physical toughness, don’t ever think about it. When the camera is rolling, all eyes are on who’s going to cross the finishing line first, you can’t simply fake it to make it.

If you want to know who a real runner is and who isn’t, just check the soles of his/her shoes. A pair of shoes that have been worn and run over hundreds of miles leaves a trace and evidence. You can’t erase it, you can’t fake it. No one can take away from it.

In life, we each run our own race. For me, being a mediocrity isn’t a problem. I see it as part of the process. It’s like a mid-point to success. Remember, if our paths cross or you see me half way, please say hi…

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Have No Time To Write? Think Small!

Have no time to write? Me too. Somehow, I doubled/tripled my output in July.

We all strive to have it all, live a rich, meaningful life, but in the process, certain obligations can take hold and become high priorities, as such we usually end up putting our dreams aside, leaving ourselves with no time to do those things that are equally fulfilling and rewarding. Funnily enough, we even consider them as a guilty pleasure.

When can time be finally on our side?

Lots of us have a full-time work commitment and/or a family commitment or a study commitment. Everyone is time-poor these days, who’s got a whole big block of time that can be set aside for writing or anything else?

Perhaps it’s a question of over commitment or maybe a lack of time management in our ability? But all I know for sure is if at the end of day, I haven’t done at least one thing I enjoy doing, it’d mean that day has been wasted. Of course, it may sound a bit exaggeration. After all, from a physics’ point of view, energy is created and transformed (but not “wasted”) to somewhere. It’s true even when we’re stationary. The challenge is where do we put energy to good use to, so it’ll serve us?

For me, it’s writing.

Having written 9 posts in a month is my new record. From the very beginning, I didn’t set out to achieve anything, nor did I have a number in mind, I just wanted to write as often as possible, whenever and wherever I could. Then just let the results speak for themselves.

So there I was in July. I wrote when I was standing, I wrote when I was sitting, while on the bus, during my lunch break, after work hours, at home between house chores. Even at times when I didn’t have a smart phone with me (like when I was in the bathroom), I still stayed relatively active in writing in my head. Word by word, paragraph by paragraph, little did I know, a post was then born out of a blank page. It was a great feeling.

Much has been said about work life balance. For me, it’s all about compromising and sacrificing. To inject writing into my already busy schedules requires a bit learning – how to make the most of my free time. Got only 5 or 10 minutes in between? Not a problem! It’s a matter of setting up smaller blocks of time here and there, then allocating writing to each time slot as you go along – So useful and practical, it’s set a good precedent for my writing ritual to continue this way going forward.

Enough said. Just crunch the numbers!

Amazingly, on any given day, on average I’ll have spare 2 to 3 hours to do just that – something I wouldn’t have thought possible. It’s quite astonishing to watch how little things can add up quickly to become a giant if done consistently and systematically, which has led me to think that if I could do it with writing, what else on the horizon can I also achieve?

Watch this blank space…