Tag: Writing

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Feel The Pain, Heal The Pain

Pain, no one likes it, we all try to avoid it. It’s only natural. We’re all humans. But is pain that bad? Does pain hurt us so much that it deserves no place in our lives? When we feel the pain, what is it trying to tell us? Is there anything else other than the discomfort that it inflicts on us?

Last week I finally surrendered to my thumping headache. After 2 days of enduring pain, I decided enough is enough. So, I dragged myself to the local supermarket and buy a mini pack of Panadol (paracetamol). It was the first time in many years (possibly more than 15 years) that I went to buy an over the counter (OTC) medicine to treat a pain related symptom. Judging by my poor track record, I don’t think any pharmaceutical companies would like me as a consumer. Why wouldn’t they? I’m just not one of those guys who would reach for a painkiller as soon as I experience some physical pain. It may sound strange or weird but I’d like to test out my tolerance level for pain and give my body a chance to fight and respond before I resort to the medicine option. Of course, provided the pain is not serious, urgent or life-threatening. Luckily, I haven’t been in a situation where I needed to seek an immediate medical attention. Just for the record, I’m not against medicine but I’m a firm believer that my body needs time to settle the pain, understand why it’s hurting, then go into a right channel of healing.

In my recent case, taking medication was certainly a wise decision to make. I started to function like my normal self very quickly. Going through a work day not affected by my headache was a bless. Thanks to the magical power of paracetamol. However, deep down I knew it’d only be temporary. 6 to 8 hours passed, the effect began to wane, the pain came back in no time. It was as clear as it started. A pain medicine is never intended for long term use anyway. If we read the label carefully, it says: provide fast, effective temporary relief of pain. So, after having popped a total of 6 pills into my system in a matter of 2 days, I thought it was time to confront my pain head on, literally. It wasn’t hard to see why my headache was only a symptom. The real cause lied in my weakening immune system due to a lack of sleep. All it took was one wild chilly wind blow, then bingo! I caught a nasty cold.

To treat the cause rather than the symptom, I consciously made time throughout the day to allow myself to rest and slow things down a bit. It was amazing how fast my body recovered from it. I woke up feeling rejuvenated. The headache was gone by itself without drugs. Right there and then, I knew I’d treated my body right.

None of us is a machine. We do need to recharge our batteries every once a while. Walking away from the rat race for a few hours or even for a day for a health-benefit reason won’t set us back both in the short and long runs. If it does, we’ll have to question if it’s all worth it. When we put a highest priority on health, we’re in front in a game. Other less important things can wait. When our bodies start to send a signal to our brains that something is up in the form of pain, it’s a red flag. My experience has taught me that an effective coping mechanism for pain is fundamentally about giving what the body needs, not wants – it may be painstaking but is worth taking…

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Are Rules To Be Followed Or Broken?

Are you someone who does almost everything by the book? Is there a rulebook in your life that you’ve been following but never questioned if it’s still serving you? Is that rulebook written by yourself or someone else? Do you believe in rules are to be followed or broken? 

The world-famous Taiwanese sculptor Ju Ming once said in one of rare TV interviews a few years back: If you look around nature, things come in all shapes and sizes, but nothing in perfectly square. It was such a profound statement. I literally sat in front of my laptop re-playing it in my head and trying to digest every word that came out of it. So powerful that it’s stuck with me ever since. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. I guess I can call it a light bulb moment. In case you don’t know who Ju Ming is, of course you can Google him and find more information about his life on Wikipedia or his website. The reason why I reference him here is because it gives me a good starting point to argue that rules aren’t born out of nature, they are predominately man-made, crafted and created by individuals for specific purposes – like law and order.

Of course in our society, there’re regulations to be obeyed to, protocol to be followed though. No exceptions. All people are expected to be law-abiding citizens in all circumstances or they’ll face the consequences. Anything that is still unfair, unjust, unequal, it takes laws to change laws. We know the process can take years and in many cases, failures, setbacks, frustrations are not uncommon. It can be a whole new set of topic to discuss but for now, to a much smaller scale, I want to talk about what do we do about those rules in our personal lives. Are they helpful? Are they stretching you or limiting you? Ju Ming said, as a beginner you can acquire as many skills as you like when you’re learning. But in a creation process, you need to unlearn, stop thinking, throw away all the things you’ve been taught by others, do nothing but simply executing the work.

Researching on the topic has been a rewarding experience for me. I’m absolutely captivated by Jun Ming’s artworks and his philosophy of life. Even though you don’t consider yourself as an arty type of person, will find his artworks full of life and engaging to watch. I first heard of him when I was only a child but who would’ve thought two to three decades later I’d write a post inspired by him. So, back to the question of: Are rules to be followed or broken? Before I started to write this post, I thought I had a “right” answer based on my own presumption but after I’ve done more study of this subject, I’m going to surprise myself and say: I think it’s both.

If you’re an artist or someone who wants to pursue a mastery in your field, rules are to be followed when you first learn the basic techniques. Over time they will help you lay a solid foundation before you take your skillset to the next level. As you progress, rules are to be bent so they adapt to your unique personal style unlike and unmatched by others. Finally, when you execute your work, rules are to be broken or let go, so you aren’t bound by any preset concepts, thoughts or ideas, that’s when you produce something, a masterpiece truly your own. Sounds like an art? I think it is…

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Wanted. Desperately Seeking Attention

Believe it or not, the moment you open your eyes, get out of the bed in the morning, get ready for a new day, you are already a wanted person, even though you don’t feel like it. Guess which part of you is the most sought after by the world? Your attention that is – the invisible but super highly valuable asset you’ve ever had. Look around, it’s not hard to understand why. You step out the door, go to places, watch for the traffic lights, the road signs, the cars. When driving or crossing the streets, your close attention on the traffic conditions keeps you safe and sound. Meanwhile, there’re tons of distractions from all corners of the world are also fighting for your attention. Somehow, within your conscious mind, you decide to block them all and only focus on one thing that matters most – the road safety. However, as soon as you arrive at your destination, you check your phone or other mobile devices, read your Facebook feeds or new emails, before you know it, another round of battle for your attention has already begun. Day in and day out, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, even when you sleep. The world wants your attention badly. If your attention isn’t your most important asset, then what is?

To conceptualize the idea of attention, a good way to start is looking at its closest cousins – thoughts. Much has been said about our thoughts and how important it is to watch what we’re thinking in our heads as it can lead to how we speak to ourselves and others, how we act and react to circumstances we are in. Ever wondering how many thoughts do we have a day? Let’s Google it and see. And? What are the numbers? Thousands! I’m amazed by just how those neuroscientists or researchers came to their conclusions. Assuming those numbers they came up with are right, it goes to show how complicated and thoughtful creatures we as human beings really are. To me, thoughts alone aren’t enough to make or break our days. It’s thoughts that we pay attention to make or break our days. Furthermore, since we can only hold one thought at one time, then the quality of our output all depend on choices we make consciously and subconsciously.

Like it or not, the world is a biased place. It has favuoritism towards positivity. Our attention can go through the roof, work their way to sabotage us if we spend too much time dwelling on negativity. I don’t think negative thinking is that big deal but it’ll become one if we give more weight than it deserves and let it expand out of control. Take my recent experience as an example, the other day I found myself getting more passive aggressive at work. The trigger? I didn’t feel appreciated. It sounds like a silly reason, doesn’t it? I’m sure no one likes to feel underappreciated or underrated especially when someone fails to show appreciation in a way we expected. The question is: Should we be the ones pay the price for it? In my case, I kept hanging on the same thought- not feeling appreciated and the moment I captured myself falling into the deep trap, I started asking myself: Why am I still paying attention to something that clearly doesn’t serve me? How should I stop it? Paradoxically, the harder I tried to stop it, the more emphasis I placed on it, the more attention it got from me and the deeper I got stuck in it.

Later that day when I got home, I no longer got hung up by my earlier thought as there were more important things in my place for me to focus on. I realized: to shift our attention, it’s not about getting an old thought out of our heads or de-focusing. It’s about letting a new thought into our heads and re-focusing. Do you agree? If you’ve read this post up to this point, I thank you for your attention…

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Say Bye Bye to Mortgage Years Earlier

If I can do it, you can do it, too – Sounds easy but is it really? Don’t you love to hate this line? Let’s not kid ourselves. Things like losing that spare tire on your body or becoming a guru or master in your chosen field are never quick and easy. They require a long-term commitment, relentless efforts and possibly lots of swearing (physically and verbally) before you can cross that finishing line. What about paying off a mortgage? It’s even more painful! Don’t despair yet, there’s a way even for a non-risk taker, an average income earner like myself. It’s hard but achievable.

I won’t bore you with too many numbers here. Basically, I took out a 30-year standard variable home loan back in 2006. It’s been 12 years since but fingers crossed this time next year, I’ll have saved up enough funds to pay off my mortgage – 17 years faster than the loan term. OK, I admit it’s only a prediction so anything can happen in the next 12 months. Who knows if the world market will be hit by another Global Financial Crisis (GFC) like the one in 2008 which led to a severe economic downturn, bankruptcies and unemployment everywhere. Been there, done that and survived the financial storm. If GFC in 2008 was the worst thing that has ever happened to us in the last decade, what’s to fear in the future? Here I’m in 2018, 10 years down the road, I’m well ahead on the mortgage repayments and moving closer to clearing the final hurdle. Sounds like a sweet victory in waiting but if anyone asks me what does it take to get there? I’ll say it without hesitation: Sacrifice and lots of it. Wait! Don’t get turned off by it and throw in the towel that quickly. Things do get better.

What are the key measures that I’ve taken (or sacrifices that I’ve made) to help pay off my mortgage faster?

  • Eat two meals instead of three per day every day. Have breakfast, dinner only and no lunch in between. Initially, I did this out of pure laziness as I couldn’t be bothered preparing all the lunches at home. Changing my daily meal routine to such a way wasn’t something I had to adjust or get used to, it just fit my lifestyle perfectly. So, overall it wasn’t a hard thing to do. Also, I avoid buying take-away foods or eating out. Over time the cost can add up very quickly.
  • Take public transport to work. From the start, I chose to catch train (as opposed to bus) because it was the most economical. In recent years, I’ve switched to bus as it’s more timesaving.
  • Holidays at home. Over the years I’ve spent my downtime discovering some hidden gems in the city (Sydney) I live in and all of them are within an hour drive from home. Cheap and cheerful I would say.

Life is full of uncertainties and surprises. Despite the fact I was made redundant twice, out of job for 12 months since the start of my mortgage, as a single person with one single income, I still came out OK, managed to pay private health insurance, all household and car bills on time and stay on top of my mortgage repayments. So, allow me to say this: If I can do it, you can do it, too (but only if you want to)…

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Bring A Blind Spot To Light

They say we are our own worst enemy. 100%! When it comes to giving advice to others, we act and sound like experts. But when it comes to following our own advice, we become paralysed and lose our way very quickly. At times, we even sabotage ourselves for that matter. It’s like everything we’ve learned about how to tackle life issues, big, small or ugly, all goes out of the window in a flash. But why is it the case?

In the first five month of my blogging experience, I talked about many great lessons and inspirations that came to my life. When I wrote, I often had this thing in mind: I want to walk readers through my journey and give them the leverage to deal with their own challenges in similar situations. Yes, on paper, I did just that. But then one day when I ran into a bump in the road, The irony? I found myself not coping well. The positive stuff I’d been advocating all went down the drain. I felt like a fraud. At that point I decided to cancel my website altogether. It may sound a bit over the top or too dramatic in my reaction but my then-sentiment was that if I can’t be a testament to the things I pitch about, then it’ll probably be useless and meaningless for me to keep on doing this. So, I went ahead and shut down my first website completely and permanently.

Surprised and not surprised, I came back a few weeks later, launched a new website and started blogging again.

Strangely, in the last few days, I kept going back to the idea of “blind spot”. We know in the context of driving a car, there’s an area we can’t see. Therefore, checking our blind spot is essential if we want to stay safe on the road. Using this as an analogy, it’s fair to say that in life we also have a blind spot somewhere – an area for improvement we can’t see ourselves. Now as I look back on those times why I failed to put knowledge into action, in part if not all might’ve had something to do my blind spot. To that effect, it may well explain the reason why it’s harder to take our own advice when a blind spot gets in a way.

So, where can we start to reduce our blind spot and make way for action taking? Perhaps it’s a matter of:

  • Learning to give advice to yourself like you do to others
  • Learning to see the subject from a third party’s standpoint
  • Learning to view things from a different angle or corner
  • Learning to appreciate the whole reflection in the mirror

The list can go on and on if I dive in deeper and deeper. That’s the beauty of taking a personal development journey – there’s often something new and profound to explore and expand. For now though I’ll just take one step at a time, look before I change to the fast lane…

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Waste A Day, Waste A Week

When it comes to prioritizing, do you do what’s urgent or what’s important or whatever is in front of you? Do you spend your time firefighting rather than making any progress? What are the time wasters in your life that get in the way?

Time management. Some experts have argued that there’s no such a thing. I get that. Time constantly flows by and never stands still, it really can not be captured by any humankind in any given moment. Looking at its own unique character and a particular role it plays in our lives, time has been and will always be the most irresistible and irreplaceable resource in the planet. No matter where we come from or what our status is, everyone gets a fair share. Fair enough! But think about it, no one has time forever. How do we see the value of time? In my case, a reality check was what I needed to go back to basics and re-examine my time-poor lifestyle. Here’s the story.

My recent wake up to reality was like a slap in the face moment. Where it happened was quite interesting. A veterinary clinic! Early this year I took my dog to a vet for an annual vaccination and a routine health check-up. While we were in a surgical room waiting for the vet, I thought I’d kill a few minutes reading some pet care information on the walls. Immediately, a poster containing a dog year chart caught my attention. Out of curiosity, I went over to check which age group my dog would belong to. And? In human years, my dog was around 65, categorized as an old dog near the tip of the chart. Standing there, my heart started to sink. It was an awakening moment I needed. In retrospect, often I got so caught up in day-to-day things, petty stuff in life, that many more important things ended up slipping out of my mind. So, right there and then, I came to the realization that it could only be a few more years left for my dog’s time on Earth. It sucked. Big time! Of course it was hard to take, but when I took a step back and thought it through again, it really opened me up and served a big purpose for me to live by – seize the day before it’s too late. Imagine, every time a person wastes one day of his life, that one day is the equivalent of a week in a dog’s life. Reality bites. You bet!

To draw a close to this post, an old saying comes straight to my mind: Time and tide wait for no man. But it feels like something is missing. So I think I’ll extend it to: time and tide wait for no man and no dog…

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From Head Space To Outer Space

Feeling stuck in a rut? They say it’s all in your head. It sounds too familiar, doesn’t it? I don’t disagree with it. If we accept this statement is true, what does it leave us? What’s next? What do you do if a thought no longer serves you? If we can’t end the struggle for once and all, can we at least interrupt the thought pattern? Let’s dive in…

I admit sometimes I have the tendency to think the problems I’m dealing with are bigger than anyone else’s in the world. Of course, usually they are not but it just feels like that at times. It’s particularly true when I’m not in the right head space. What about you? I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Knowing thoughts can be distorted, exaggerated or dramatized, is there any technique we can adopt to help us break through what seems to be “just imaginable”? When a set of irrational beliefs spirals out of control, the challenge seems to become bigger. How do we find a way to keep things in perspective so that we don’t get sucked into a deep black hole. What’s the trick? Check this one out…

So near yet so far away. Only last week was my first time visiting Sydney Observatory, a delightful small gem hidden away from the Sydney CBD. What took me so long? Good question! I don’t think I can be excused for not doing it sooner considering I’ve been living in this city for more than 28 years. Anyway, even astronomy isn’t really your thing, it’s still worth paying a visit to this historical building (admission is free) or just exploring the surrounds. The hill behind the building offers some amazing views as you can see in this picture.

Shortly after I took some photos from there, I went back in the observatory. Immediately I was greeted by what appeared to be the only staff working that day. She was so friendly and bubbly that without a doubt gave the place a good feel to it. Following a brief induction, I walked into the first exhibition room on the right-hand side. A giant full-length poster inside a display window instantly grabbed my attention. It captured countless small stars in the universe through lenses of a telescope. Many of them just looked like white tiny dots to me. Standing in front of it for I can’t remember how long, suddenly, my outlook on so-called problems just shifted. Right there and then those huge problems or shitty stuff in life started to lose their strong hold over me.

From head space to outer space, it looks million miles away but my recent visit to Sydney Observatory has helped bridge the gap and allowed me to see things the “sizes” they are – No distortion, no exaggeration, no dramatization. It was an unexpected find in my own little universe…

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Got A Problem? Face It Before You Forget It

Move on!

I hear people say this all the times. Nice try but easier said than done!

Is there such a thing as you can just snap out of it and jump into the next chapter of your life without sweat? It surely sounds unbelievable to me. What’s with carrying through an old painful memory till time passes and heals you over? What can be done to shorten the process of getting over it and getting back on your feet again? If it’s been a treadmill day in and day out just to forget your problems and you haven’t seen any tangible results, isn’t it about time to gain a new perspective and redeem yourself? What does it take to get you there? Let’s explore it…

I remember how one troubled mind rested heavily on my shoulders a few years ago. So much so that it felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Determined to give it a kick up the arse, I took my dog out to a beautiful hidden gem (pictured) that I discovered a few weeks prior. It was located in a lovely neighbourhood surrounded by leafy trees, an inner harbour and friendly locals. The walk proved to be a pleasant one but with a surprise twist.

How it started was, on my way back, I happened to meet an elderly lady who was standing in her front yard chatting away with a middle-aged man who was probably half of her age. They looked related so I just assumed they were a mother and a son. She gave me a smile as we were getting closer to the footpath near her, then she asked: What is the name of your dog? Jamie and he’s a boy, I responded. For another minute or two, I continued to stay up there and listen to her talking fondly about her grandchild living in Melbourne. Right then, just when I thought: Done with socialising, I should be heading off soon, she unexpectedly came around and asked me the same things again and again – the same questions about my dog’s name and all that. By that time, I got a pretty good idea about her condition. She was someone living with dementia.

It was such a sobering moment that I became a bit speechless, almost ashamed of myself for acting out my depressed feeling that way at the start of the day.

Ironically, the whole day I was trying the hardest to get this shit out of my head, then met this elderly lady who couldn’t even remember the most basic things just being said a few minutes earlier. In such vast contrast, it was more than enough to wake me up from my inner demons and insanity I was struggling with – I realized: I have choices and I have options.

If I want to, I can choose what I forget (or forgive for that matter). For some people who are battling with dementia, they don’t have that luxury. Interestingly, now I look back, I can’t pinpoint exactly what that troubled mind was all about then. It seems like a distant memory that’s not worth my time revisiting it. Funny how I thought by forgetting it, it would create a magic bullet for easing my troubled mind, in fact at the end it was the act of facing the problem that made a difference…

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Be Visible To Sell Yourself

Intentionally or not, we all sell ourselves at some point in our lives. Whether it’s in a boardroom presenting our ideas to a group of executives or sitting in a meeting room being interviewed by a panel of hiring managers for a new job you really want or having an annual performance appraisal or bonus review with your boss, it’s inevitable we need to take the role of the salesperson and showcase what we’re good at. Ultimately, the goal is to persuade a decision maker to buy what we’re selling – ourselves.

Where do we begin? A good place to start is to ask ourselves this question: Are we visible enough to be counted for? I guess not everyone is comfortable with self-promoting or putting themselves forward but when the stakes are high, no one can afford to take a back seat or hide in a corner waiting to be discovered. The good news is: The world seems to have its own rewarding system. The bad news is: It rightfully operates outside our comfort zone.

Here’s an interesting example. The other day I was chatting with a café owner downstairs from the same building where I work, I noticed he had a box of friands (small almond cakes), uncovered, sitting on top of a food display cabinet instead of inside like the rest of patisseries. Not that he ran out of space. I was very curious so I went to ask him what it was all about. Wouldn’t they go stale very soon? I asked. He was very quick to respond: because they sell fast this way. I immediately got it. Yes, he had his point. Those friands looked fabulously delicious and mouth-watering. They were right in a prime position beside a cash register counter, perfectly on the eye level for any discerning customers. Who wouldn’t be tempted to grab a piece or two while there? Understanding the psychology behind it and marketing it in such a fashion, the café owner was indeed very clever at playing with visual effects which can work wonderfully like a hook that captures the consumer mind. It’s a lure that attracts buyers attention. The rest? It is a matter of letting the product speaking for itself: Hey! Look at me, I’m hot, I’m the best seller, buy me and eat me, now.

Although visibility doesn’t guarantee success, essentially, it’s a key ingredient to getting your foot in the door. Next time when you have an opportunity to sell yourself, how would you like to position yourself to increase your visibility? Think of those yummy friands. FYI, they were sold out…

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Broken Into But Not Broken

Gone are the days when burglars would smash a window or break a door to get into a house and take away people’s precious belongings. Nowadays, crimes in this nature are committed in cyberspace without even leaving a trace in the physical world. Cybercrime has become so sophisticated that cybercriminals like hackers can literally steal your hard-earned money or valuable personal data without showing up on your doorstep. They can just sit quietly behind a desk, tap away at a computer and watch your every move in secret. One click is all it takes for them to gain access to your network. The next thing you know, your security is in tatters and your privacy is in the hands of the wrong people.

The truth is no one is 100% immune from being a target for cybercriminals. As a blogger or a social media account user like Facebook, when you put yourself out there, the information posted online or shared in public can be collected and studied by cybercriminals. Their premeditated attacks are aimed at stealing your money and/or identity. The stakes are so high that we cannot afford to take chances and only deal with it when it happens.

The reason for writing this post is to educate and remind readers about the dangers of hacking and serious damage hackers can do to you once they gain an unlawful entry to your computer devices. Why do I care so much about this issue? Because it happened to me a couple of years ago. Knowing how bad it was, I don’t wish anyone to go through a similar experience like mine. So, how it started is one day I received an unsolicited email that looked seemingly legitimate. Although I remained a bit guarded and skeptical about it at first, I was fooled to click the malicious link that gave a hacker an indefinite remote access to the computer I was using. The following few days I began to notice something fishy was going on particularly when I was doing some online transactions. For example, my mouse wasn’t moving as freely as usual. By the time I reported this incident, damage had already been done. The length I had to go through to clean up the computer and repair the disease infected by hacking was astonishing. Because it was so badly damaged, at the end I had no choice but to give up the computer altogether.

What I learnt from this experience is:

  1. Hackers don’t just contact you out of blue, they do their homework and study your online behavioral patterns way before they send you an invitation.
  2. Hackers will lure you with a bait and ask you to click a link to view more details. That’s a red flag.

We live in the digital age that there’s a tone of information coming to us from all different corners of the world at any give time. It’s natural that we don’t want to miss out on anything important or valuable. But not everything is as pure and innocent as they claim themselves to be. As we conduct more and more businesses on line and share our personal lives unreservedly in cyberspace, cybercriminals will always look for opportunities to launch their attacks. Make sure we exercise caution and stay vigilant. If need be, press “Delete” button first before hackers have a chance to press your buttons…