That’s What Mothers Do

Just you and me! Mother-Son time.

That day I called my mum and asked her out for a walk. She said OK straight away, even without knowing where I was going to take her to. She doesn’t mind if I give her a moment notice. That’s what mothers do…

When we got there, she mentioned I’ve lost some weight since Jamie’s (my dog) passing. I could tell she was a bit teary behind the sunglasses. To get out of it, I quickly suggested that we take some photos.

Then, a typical perfectionist, a hard-to-please son, I was quite critical of my mum’s photography skills and trying to offer my “expert” advice, but judging by the results, it was totally unnecessary. I must say she did an excellent job…

Again, that’s what mothers do… No further narrative is required.

Ted

The Art Of Moving On

Ted, because nothing heals an old love like a new love does – These are the words form a former colleague of mine.

Asked how she’d jumped from her recent marriage breakdown to a fresh new romantic relationship at such a rapid speed, she shared this quick tip with me.

And she knew what she was up against. In an attempt to avoid controversy or possible overreactions from other peers, she carefully kept her voice down, almost like whispering. The truth of the matter is: We already knew. It was an open secret: She’d started dating again.

A few years later, they got married and had a beautiful child together.

Why is moving on so hard to do for some? Still clinging to the past – those good old times together? Let’s be fair. What about those bad ones that led to each going their separate ways? The thing is, moving on doesn’t make you a heartless person. In fact, it means giving your heart to where it really belongs to.

When you become single again, you’re a free agent. Of course, you can date a new man or a new woman you like. It’s none of anyone’s business.

Ever wondered why some people moved on so quickly? We can argue it was a rebound. Maybe, maybe not. But no one can deny the fact that our brain loves it – the excitement, novelty and hope that a new love brings along.

I can certainly share this kind of sentiment. Though my experience has nothing to do with a romantic relationship. It’s my damn job hunting!

Every time I have my heart set on a job I like, my vulnerability starts to creep in. In two cases where I actually discovered a wrong spelling only after I’d sent the application. It was intolerable. What about giving a dull answer to an interview question? It was even worse. I got that sinking feeling. The thought of I might’ve ruined my chances of getting hired could prove a bit too much to bear.

Then, there comes the magic, the next day or so, you see more new jobs pop up on the screen – whether it’s on LinkedIn or seek.com.au, you realize, wow there’re plenty more fish in the sea! They are a breath of fresh air, you become alive again. It’s a new day, you can learn from yesterday’s mistakes, improve and try again. You no longer hold on to the past – it’s well forgotten. You’ve moved on, effortlessly, sometimes you don’t even know you have.

It’s human nature. We’d like to think that everything we hold dear is one and only. It’s not replaceable. Perhaps. Losing it would be like the end of the world. We know it’s not true. If something is gone or taken away from us, maybe technically, it wasn’t suited in the first place or it has simply passed its expiry date!

Whatever you’re after a new love or a new job, the way to moving on is by moving forward. It’s all about embarking on a new chapter in your life, isn’t it? That says, if you’re no longer on the same page, what do you do? Turn to the next page!

Till next time, watch this space…

Why Absence Can Be An Expression Of Love

We’re all familiar with the saying: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Think about those moments when we were away from a lover, a family member, a close friend, for whatever reason we couldn’t be there with them, absence left an empty space inside us that no one else could fill.

Absence is a dirty word that comes with a negative connotation. For example, absence from work, from school, from family etc, it reminds us of those unpleasant memories in our lives. Contrary to absence, presence, on the other hand, has been highly praised. Is absence that unforgivable?

My niece was born on Valentine’s Day. She must’ve been destined for love. We were all overjoyed to have her as a first baby in the family.

We all know bonding is very important at the early stage of an infant’s life. As a first-time uncle, I certainly didn’t want to miss any opportunities to do just that. Being a notorious time-poor person, I even managed to lay out a weekly visit plan. Results so far? It all went smoothly until the second week. I hit a roadblock.

What happened? There’re times when things just don’t go according to plan. That’s life, isn’t it?

I caught a minor cold. Being unwell means I can’t go visiting her as often as I wanted to or I’d put her at risk. Pity I couldn’t be there to watch her grow from week to week, I had to be absent from her life for the time I wasn’t well.

Fortunately, we can rely on the modern technology. My brother continues to send photos of hers via Skype to keep me updated. It’s amazing how much she’s changed. Her skin just glows, her eyes sparkle. She looks radiant.

My absence from her life came from only one place – love. This sentiment has led me to think of my past experiences – some flashbacks of my loved ones when they couldn’t be there with me . They gave me all sorts of reasons I didn’t want to accept at those times. Now looking back, perhaps some of them if not all would’ve done it for love. That’s how I’d rather believe it anyway…

Love Me, Love My Dog

I love spoiling my dog.

Over the years I’ve accumulated quite a number of pet toys for him. So much so I’ve lost count.

Distinctively, one of them – a puppy-looking soft stuffed toy, is way beyond its heyday. To others, it’s probably just another piece of junk. But to Jamie (my dog’s name), it’s like his security blanket, giving him lots of warmth and comfort.

It’s his old-time favourite toy – the first thing he grabs out of the toy box when he wakes up in the morning. He wraps his arms around it, he sleeps next to it, he chews on it and he plays with it, sometimes he bites it like his winning prey.

Looking at it closely, the repair works can be easily seen everywhere. The stitches, the bite marks and general wear and tear are all over it. Despite all the flaws, it’s still deeply loved and treasured by him. Because of that, I’ve never attempted to throw it away.

In my dog’s eyes, things are very straight forward. Love is love. I get great pleasure from knowing that I’m loved by this fellow for just who I am, with no strings attached.

We often praise dog’s love for what it is – unconditional. But trust me, dogs are very selective when it comes to who they want to love. They have preferences.

What I’ve learned about love from my dog is: Love isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing, it needs to be suited to the situation, it needs to stay alive to survive. How?

For animals to survive in the wild, they will have to be adaptive to a constantly changing environment or they will be eaten alive! Shouldn’t love work the same way if it is to last?

Undeniably, people, things and circumstances do change over time. For love to work its magic and still fit the bill, it must stay responsive enough to different conditions and adapt accordingly, that way we can all love me, love my dog…

The Naked Truth About What Really Matters At The End Of The Day

A mutual friend of mine was between jobs a few years ago. With so much time on her hands, one afternoon she decided to head down to a sauna at her local gym for some relaxation.

In a steamy room she was facing a small group of senior residents or retirees maybe in their 70s. They all appeared to be regulars there – Sitting side by side, very likable, very approachable and very chatty.

While enjoying a quiet moment on her own, out of the blue, she went up to join them and started to make conversation. Out of many questions she asked, this one in particular was something they wouldn’t have expected from a stronger: So, what do you wish you had more of if you could turn back the o’clock?

Interestingly, no one mentioned anything about more money, more fame or more success etc. They all looked at each other, almost in unison and said: more time with their loved ones.

These are words of wisdom from people who’ve been there and done that! I totally buy it. Finally, I know what the naked truth means. But if you aren’t there yet, don’t be too hard on yourself, don’t beat yourself up, be patient, work on it, work at it, take it step by step. Whatever you do, just don’t throw in the towel…

Stop Looking For The One

Are you looking for love in all the wrong places? Is the one you are after? Does he/she even exist after all? Aren’t you tired of finding no one?

When I first saw this giant artwork – two matches: one intact, one burnt, over The Domain, near The Art Gallery of New South Wales in Sydney, it didn’t really grab much of my attention. I thought they were just two pieces of big wood standing in the middle of the field.

Interestingly, some weeks later, when I walked passed there again and saw it the second time, only then was I able to see the aesthetic side of it and interpret it as:

No matter how much you have been burnt, one day you will find a good match…

Very clever! It’s led me to think that in our quest for love or anything we desire, perhaps we should look out for a good match rather than the one.

After all it’s the match that gets you fired up…

When Love Wins, Who’s Going To Lose?

Love is love? Is love enough to make a law change? In very few cases Yes, in most cases No. At least it’s true in the context of marriage equality. Last count, there’re 28 nations in the world recognise same sex marriage. The latest one that has joined the ranks is Taiwan. Born and bred there, I cannot be more proud.

When a small player like Taiwan is seen on the news headlines, most of time it’s for the wrong reason. Oh No, not another round of diplomatic setback. The country’s lack of support from the international community is well known. But in the last two weeks. On 17 May 2019, when Taiwan became the first country in Asia to legalise same sex marriage, there was an outpouring of praises following it. This milestone sent shock waves across the world and make people take notice. To be politically correct or politically incorrect depending on where you stand, some news sites referenced Taiwan’s sovereignty very carefully. After all, who dares to upset Chinese communist party and their One China Principle? The first “place” in Asia to legalise same sex marriage is probably what has been written in the news. Don’t get me started or I’ll sound too political here. Anyway, moving forward, whether people agree or disagree, like it or not, the law has been passed. Yes, it’s done but doesn’t it mean it’s over?

The road to clear the final hurdle has been long and hard. Mr Chi Chia-Wei, unknown to the west, is a first openly gay man and a veteran gay rights activist in Taiwan. He’s now a 60-year-old man. Last time I saw him on TV, I was struck by how skinny he looked and how much grey hair he got. Stress must’ve done something to him. Back in 1986, some 33 years ago, he was the first person to step up to advocate gay rights. It was no doubt a brave thing to do after all people in the 80’s were far more conservative than people today.

When Chi Chia-Wei went to apply for a marriage certificate at the local council, he was refused by the authorities on the grounds that his partner wasn’t a she. From there, he wouldn’t have thought that it’d become decades of fight for marriage equality. In mid 2017, at last, there was a glimpse of hope. The matter was taken to the Taiwan’s constitutional court for interpretation. On the day when he was in the court room facing the constitutional judge, he looked frail. I can’t image what was going through his mind. Most believed it was the last resort and a do or die situation. Outside the court room, it was just as dramatic as the inside. Both sides of supporters for and against marriage equality had been waiting for this moment. When the verdict was read out, we heard a loud cheer from one side of the groups. Yes, the judge was in favour of marriage equality. It said to deny a same sex couple the right to marry is unconstitutional. Taiwan’s lawmakers must in two years make it a law or it’ll automatically become one on 24 May 2019.

The case was won for the LGBT community, but it was short-lived. Only a year later, the LGBT campaigners faced another uphill battle. They suffered a major blow from the referendum results in 2018. An overwhelming number of Taiwanese voters didn’t wish to see the marriage law changed. What it left with for the government was to find a middle ground between the judge’s verdict and the referendum outcome. But with the opposition groups gaining the upper hand from the No votes, there was a call/demand for the word “marriage” to be removed from the context and replacing it with something less significant to formalise their “partnership”, separate from the existing marriage law.

Following almost 2 years of inaction by the government, with the deadline fast approaching, the bill was finally drafted and sent to the Legislative Yuan for review. The word “marriage” was retained under the bill. It also gave same sex married couples similar rights as heterosexual married couples. The move angered the opposition groups calling it a disrespect for the referendum results.

Against the odds, the bill was passed without amendments. The anti same sex marriage sentiment from the opposition groups went from bad to worse. This time they vowed to overturn the law, punish those legislative members who voted yes on the bill, sack the constitutional judge and bring down the government in the next presidential election in 2020. Well, what can I say? It just got uglier every time I looked at it. Good luck to them.

The pen that was used by President Tsai Ing-Wen to sign marriage equality into law was given to Mr Chi Chia Wei as a gift for his contributions to the gay rights movement in Taiwan. It was a symbolic gesture and a good closure to a long battle lasted for decades and caused so much pain to the LGBT community. Now it’s time for healing. When a battle is over, there’re always winners and losers. When love wins, who’s going to lose? Calling on fears, hate, and prejudice out there, get your white flag ready! Get your loser’s speech prepared. Because you’re losing ground…

A Message To My 11 Month Old Niece

Do you know what it’s like to live a life of privilege? There’s nothing wrong with living life on a fast lane if you go out of your way to earn it. You work hard, play hard, day in, day out, sure you deserve it 100%. Self-righteous or not, privilege isn’t necessarily a dirty word. I’m a firm believer that privilege is something we earn, not something we own. But what if privilege is given to us without us doing the work?

My niece was born on Valentine’s Day 2018. For that reason, I call her little cupid. She’s now a healthy, active 11-month-old baby girl. The first time I saw her, she was only 2-day old and still at the hospital. From that moment on, I decided that I want to be a different type of uncle. An uncle like no others. I’ll be her friend, playmate, soulmate, coach and guidance. One day when she’s old enough to learn about this wild wild world we live in, I’ll be there to tell her the stories about our family – how we came to Australia and how we flourished in The Lucky Country. Oh man, so many things I want to pass down and instill in her but the one that sticks out from all others is the idea of taking nothing for granted. It’s a good virtue for anyone to have. Don’t you think?

Look around, there’s a sense of entitlement embedded in many of us these days which we often take for granted, be it the right to vote, to marry, to speak freely or to move into a new city or a different country etc. These so called human rights we were born with or grew up with did not come of their own accord but because a group of brave women and men before us, before our times, who had fought long and hard or risked their freedom or even lives to achieve equality and justice we now enjoy and regard as the norm. Over a year ago, I was fortunate enough to be part of the history – having a say in Australian Marriage Law. I’m proud of being one of the Yes voters in the postal survey conducted by ABS (Australian Bureau of Statistics). When the results were announced, the majority of Australians were overjoyed by an overwhelming, wide spread public support for marriage equality across all states and territories. What it led to was on the 7th of December 2017, Marriage Act was officially amended to include same sex couples. Right when the motion was passed in the federal parliament, Australia went to join the ranks of the other 25 nations to become the 26th country in the world to recognise same sex marriage. On that day, my niece wasn’t even born yet. This is just one of many examples. Things like Freedom of Information Act, multiculturalism, to name just a few. My niece like other babies around her age will grow up knowing her human rights are protected by law, largely thanks to those unsung heroes for their relentless work to fight against the old, unfair laws. Some taboos that were once thought to be sensitive, untouchable or even impossible, are now a way of life. Of course, there’re still more jobs to be done in all areas where discrimination may still be present. We can change the law but we can’t change people’s attitude overnight.

My little cupid, remember, you belong to nobody but yourself. Some day you’ll work your way up to discover a unique trait in yourself like no other, that’s your gift to the world. Give as if it’s a privilege but don’t ever allow anyone to take your goodness for granted. Somehow, I realize this is a message to uncle Ted, too…