Tag: Life

Real life is very different from those glossy advertisements.

Moving in to a new city or a new country can be an unnerving experience. Starting from scratch comes with uncertainties. If you are someone who’s been planning on studying, working or residing in a new country when the border is reopen, chances are you will meet with some surprises along the way. No one can predict what lies ahead. But with preparation and a good strategy in place, you can make the transition a lot smoother.

If you’re going to overseas, obviously, you don’t just show up at the airport with your suitcases and a dream. Psych yourself up, once you’ve arrived at the destination, you’re at the point of no return, at least for the duration of your intended stay.

Whether you land in a new country as an expat, an overseas student or an immigrant, below is a short list of things to look out for when choosing a new place to live:

1. If you are relative new to the city, it’s best if you choose a furnished apartment at first and make sure it’s close to public transport and shops.
2. If your family is staying with you, make sure you are there for each other and watch out for possible signs of mental health especially when things get tough.
3. If you are bringing kids along, time carefully. Make sure they don’t miss out on schooling for too long.

Having been living in Australia for over 30 years, I’ve seen many people come and go. Everyone is different and various factors can come into play. I have concluded 3 common deal breakers:

The number one deal breaker is: The language barrier.

It can make or break your chances of survival. If you come from a non-English speaking background, it’s so important to gain a working knowledge of the new language beforehand. To make your life easier in new surroundings, at least you need to know what to say when you shop.

The number two deal breaker is: Unemployment.

If you don’t have a regular source of income to rely on, you will feel the crunch. It’s important to give yourself a realistic expectation when it comes to landing a job. A good question to ask yourself is: Are you able to support yourself in the next 6 months under these circumstances? If the answer is No, then you will need to have a plan B or even a plan C.

The number three deal breaker is: Personal reasons.

Some new comers still feel out of place or displaced after a few years. I found this to be true particularly among the older generations. Perhaps they have problem adjusting to the weather, the lifestyle, the food or the culture.

All in all, moving in to a new country is like living a life in the fast lane. It can present many opportunities to you. But bear in mind, it’s not a one way ticket nor a one way road. Give yourself time. If it doesn’t work out for you at the end, know you have options. Feel free to change to the slower lane or make an u turn. You can start somewhere again…

On the surface, beating yourself up looks like a righteous thing to do, but beneath it, it’s all about judging yourself.

Before I finished my last post and published it, I’d wasted hours and days of my time on something totally unrelated to writing. For example, browsing through social media, watching some YouTube videos. It’s true that they kept me engaged and entertained, but after a while, a guilty pleasure turned into a guilty displeasure, soon I started to criticise myself for the earlier inaction.

Sure, cut me some slack, but to tell myself it’s OK when I don’t feel OK is not easy. I am not convinced. Perhaps it’s time for a new strategy, to take on a gentler, kinder approach that is.

So, I came up with this metaphor which I was hoping would stop me from being in a rut: Those time wasters are like a long warm-up session before a real workout begins.

OK, it may sound like I was justifying myself or looking for a way out of my procrastination. I get it. It probably didn’t make much sense, but the bottom line is I’ve got nothing to lose anyway.

And the verdict? It helped. I simply dived right in to my writing routine and the rest is history.

What’s the good of beating yourself up? None. Next time when you catch yourself doing it, tell yourself: Enough!

You’ve paid your dues, don’t beat yourself up. Now it’s time to make up for lost time…

Looking at the title of this post, if you say you are going to yawn, I won’t blame you.

Our day out at the beach was such a low-key affair that there is probably not much I can write about it.

Somehow, a narrative I keep coming up with is more or less along the lines of “simplicity”. I think it will be a good starting point to begin this post.

It’s easy to dismiss an ordinary day outright and believe there is nothing worth raving about. If something is too small to get noticed, we probably think it’s too trivial and insignificant, right? Think about fine print. Arguably, it’s small, hidden, tricky and not obvious to our eyes but when we read it, we discover something important in it.

I took my parents and my brother to this quiet beach for a reason – to get some fresh air, get our bodies moving, relax, and enjoy the view. This affluent seaside suburb surely lived up to its reputation allowing us to do just that.

With no crowd in sight on this day, just a few people scattered over the shore, it was indeed a safe haven from the outside world. No loud music, no big cheers, no large gatherings, just the sunshine, the sea breeze, the sand and the calm waves. Everyone simply “behaved themselves” and went about their own businesses – having a dip, building sand castles, going for a stroll or sunbathing. It’s simplicity that makes an ordinary day extraordinary.

Often it takes a significant event like the coronavirus pandemic to make us realize how precious an ordinary life is. While other parts of the world are still battling with a second wave of the outbreak, Sydney, our city continues to make good progress. We have seen daily new cases consistently stay in the low two-digit or single-digit range since July. As such, the government decided to ease restrictions and give residents a high degree of freedom. Counting our blessings, people can lead their lives and run their businesses as “normal” as possible.

How do we embrace our ordinary day and see something extraordinary in it?

For me, it requires slowing down, taking a step back and reviewing it from that angle and perspective. By writing this post, I suddenly realise, those so-called small things in life aren’t that small after all. They reason why they look small is because we haven’t given them enough our attention…

One is not a lonely number.

Some people are uncomfortable with solitude, fearing that if they have spent too much on their own, they will be predisposed to the feeling of loneliness.

Solitude is not about losing touch with someone or something on purpose or being disconnected from the outside world or the mainstream because of circumstances.

Solitude is a lifestyle choice. It is a practice of observing own body, mind and soul, and our relationship with nature around us, in a setting that is free of judgement and force.

Three things that I have learned from being in a state of solitude are:

1. Life evolves. I don’t need to be more or less than what I already am to go with it.
2. Sun rises, sun sets. The universe has always its own set of course and timing.
3. Mother nature is bigger than you. Show some respect.

I have also found that after a period of solitude, I have more new things to talk about and share with family and friends when I am back in civilization. Overall, it makes me an interesting guy to be around.

Remember, solitude doesn’t choose you, you choose solitude. And yes, I hear solitude loud and clear every time: One is not a lonely number. One is a lovely number…

If I have to name only one benefit coming out of this pandemic, then it would be this is the first time on a global scale that we have been forced to slow down – the opportunity to reflect on our lives.

What are things that mattered to you then but don’t really matter to you now?

Recently I’ve spent more time with my parents. To coincide with their physical levels, I intentionally chose the areas that require less strenuous efforts but are still stimulating enough for them to get up and keep active.

We took a walk across the bridge, then came back sat near the water, soaked up the sun and watched the day go by. What’s more, we had this cute goose family to keep us company. The simple pleasures…

Sometimes life’s a bitch. Yes, sometimes…

Much of how I plan my day is at the mercy of weather. After all, you want to be in tune with Mother Nature. If you don’t watch her temperaments carefully, she will turn your day into night, and your night into a very long night. Just don’t mess with her.

We saw gusty winds rampage through Sydney in the last few days. Coupled with the high level of pollen count, it would’ve aggravated my hay fever and made my nose sneeze and run like a tap.

Tempting weather is like tempting fate. Not the smartest idea. I told myself I’d better stay at home and be a good boy. So yes, I was a homebody. Well, it wasn’t all that bad.

In some parts of the world, staying home is not an option, it’s a law, it’s an order. 2020, to have become this way? Who would’ve thought? At least, I have a choice. There’s something to be grateful about every day.

A relief came on Sunday as winds finally died down, it was a golden opportunity to go out and about and soak up the sun.

I headed to my favourite beach to have some me time. Accompanied by sun, ocean and sand, I thought I had necessary ingredients to feeling on top of the world. Strong sea breeze felt particularly chilly on this side of the cliff where I was standing, soon I lost my enthusiasm for this spot. It was gone with the wind!

No doubt spring is in the air in the southern hemisphere but don’t get too excited yet. Never underestimate the tail of winter – it still lingers. What can I say? Be good to Mother Nature, always expect the unexpected.

Before I came up with a Plan B and went somewhere else, a short distance away, I saw two grey haired women in about their 60’s, sitting up straight, in a comfortable position, facing each other. The postures suggested they were doing some form of meditation. Noticeably undeterred by what was happening outside, a look of simple contentment and clam nature was written all over their faces – a direct contrast to the wild wild world out there.

The thing is, you don’t get to negotiate with Mother Nature, you don’t argue with her, you just respect that sometimes she has her moments, too.

Chances are we don’t often have a say in our circumstances, it is what it is. I guess my life is like a camera lens, I get what I focus on. Sometimes life’s a bitch, at the moment life’s a beach (as I’m writing)…

No touch, use hand sanitiser, social distancing, wearing a mask… We may be physically safe from harm, but let’s not forget, mentally, we need to stay engaged even when we are by ourselves.

Here is my favourite part of the beach – quiet and peaceful. This hidden gem has been my weekend escape for several years. But in recent months, I have seen an influx of people coming here to do some “touristy” things. How annoying!

Two weekends ago I was here again. As soon as I arrived, I was turned off by the crowd and their noises. After staying for around ten minutes, I lost interest. Before I was about to leave for somewhere else, I don’t know what it was, maybe some unknown force, I turned and took one last look.

There he was, a lone figure, sitting on the top of the cliff, I couldn’t take my eyes off this guy. He had what I call a cool rugged look – the man bun hairstyle, the stubble, sunglasses.

He was playing a guitar. With nature providing the beautiful backdrop – the sun, the blue sky, the ocean, the sea breeze and the bush, minus people – a sharp contrast of the irritating crowded scene earlier. I found myself gravitating towards his sole presence and the zen like serenity around him, I decided to climb up there and get a bit closer to him.

To ensure that I would not distract him and his music, I waited for a short while before plucking up the courage to approach him and say hi.

His name is Francesco from Argentina. I remember I asked him these ice breaker questions “Are you an artist? Were you playing a song that you wrote yourself?”. He smiled back and said: No, I was just practising some tunes from internet.

As he called it: Nature brought us together. We hit it off very quickly and found ourselves enjoying various topics such as life, nature, Tibetan Buddhism, meditation, my dog, a book entitled Four Agreements which he recommended, and the tattoos on his wrists – One was Surf, the other was Freedom.

He called himself a loner and he said it with full conviction. It struck me. I responded, I guess I am a loner, too but I don’t like the word loner and I don’t call myself a loner, there are too many negative connotations attached to it, I would rather call myself individual. I then added that my dog was a loner, too, that’s why we got along.

As the sun started to set and the temperature began to drop, it was nature’s way of hinting that it was time for us to go separate ways.

That night when I got home, I could not stop thinking about those words he said. Very inspiring!

The next day when I woke up in the morning, I decided outright, to be true to myself and call myself a loner…

Complacency is supposed to give us a peace of mind or some self satisfaction, but often there’re twists and turns behind unfinished business. Life never ceases to surprise us in its mysterious way. You’ll never know what’s around the corner.

It’s not done till it’s done.

Funnily enough, what comes to mind when I think of complacency is basketball games. Skills are important of course, there’s no argument about it. But that thing aside, at the end what separates a winner and a loser in the court is complacency.

Say, when a team is leading by a good margin 5 minutes before the game finishes, if they think it’s in the bag and begin to show sign of complacency. It’s a red flag. It can all go downhill from there. As long as their opponent perseveres unrelentingly till the last second, they can still turn the tables, and come out as a dark horse, a winner.

Lately, we’ve seen a massive second wave of coronavirus outbreak after an easing of pandemic restrictions in many parts of world. In the state of Victoria in Australia, it came as a big blow when a surge of people infected resurfaced in the last two weeks or so. At one point, the number of daily new cases even broke the record.

Evidently, the time we loosened up and acted carelessly, it was also the time when the coronavirus found the opportunity to slip through the cracks and launched a sudden attach. We don’t want our complacency to become a breeding ground for the coronavirus to regrow and wipe out our previous efforts that led to flattening the curve.

It’s safe to say, the worst is not over yet. We’re all in this together for the long haul. There’s really no place for complacency in any shape or form.

We can’t wait for life to return to normal again. When will it happen? It’s a big ask. No experts can tell you exactly. For now, rather than being complacent prematurely, let’s make efforts, every step of the way, till it’s done and dusted, ripe for celebration…

No, I didn’t get the job. I was one of the top 5 but wasn’t “good” enough to be in the top 2 for the final round. That’s life. C’est la vie.

What’s the point of posting this then? To win a sympathy vote from your readers?

I’m posting this because I wanted myself not to forget this experience – my humble beginnings. It may sound odd or silly but in a way I’m glad I didn’t succeed too quickly.

Think about it, failure is a nickname for success, a part of sustainable living! If you’ve failed 10 times, it means you’ve got back up again and again 10 times. Be proud of yourself.

Sure, a winner takes all, but a loser gives all. Yes, it’s about winning but more so, it’s about showing up and giving your 100%, more than once!

What now? It’s time to go back to the drawing board and start from a blank page afresh.

Rest assured, your past efforts aren’t wasted, they’re stored and reserved for improvement.

Make or break? It’s OK if you don’t make it, at least you break it – your own record, your personal best… That’s winning!

2020, let’s face it, the world is a mess.

Haven’t we seen enough of job loss, economic downturn, social instability and political unrest? It doesn’t just stop there. Encompassing everyday struggles and personal issues, no wonder people are stressed out.

When I walk down to the shops in my local area, there’s a strange vibe in the air. The atmosphere is markedly different now. While governments are gradually easing restrictions, returning to normal is still some distance away. These days people are wary and guarded everywhere they go. Hand sanitisers, social distancing and hygiene practice have become the new norm.

We’re all trying to remain sane and safe in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic. Sure, we’re only human, we can only take so much. We get anxious about the future, our job, our bank account and our health. Some have started to show abnormal reaction or over-reaction overtly or behind closed doors, it’s understandable. But under no circumstances, bad behaviour can be excused.

Why have I just said that?

Friday night. Done with my grocery shopping. As I was returning a shopping trolley to the trolley station near the entrance to the supermarket, all of sudden a guy from behind, pushed a trolley hard against my legs. It was a deliberate act, he did it on purpose. In no way it was an accident. The force was so big that it caused my left ankle to bruise immediately. I was screaming in pain.

Who the hell? I looked back. There he was – That idiot, a middle aged male with a grin on his face, showing zero remorse, giving no apology, acting like as if nothing had happened then walked off.

I was carrying 4 bags of grocery in my arms, feeling tired and hungry. I just wanted to go home. I had a decision to make – Either count myself unlucky, ignore him and leave or deal with it.

One witness who came forward was kind enough to ask if I’m OK. I said, I’m alright, fortunately, it’s not bleeding but it’s bruising. With his encouragement, I decided to pursue the matter further. I wasn’t going to let that idiot get away with it just like that.

Excuse me! I yelled as I was trying to call that idiot out. He noticed I wasn’t giving up, took a look at me and said a few words that I didn’t quite hear exactly but certainly it wasn’t a sorry I was hoping for. By the look of his face and body language, I could tell that he was not apologetic, worse yet, he was still wearing the same grin on his face.

Later, I went to speak to a couple of store staff about this incident. With my persistence, the matter was escalated to the store manager.

As I was explaining to the store manager about the incident, I was at the height of my emotion. I was reasonably calm and polite but very firm in my language. I demanded that idiot to be banned from their store. By then, that idiot was already at one of the self-serve check outs finalising his purchase.

The store manager was one fine gentleman, he exhibited a high degree of empathy towards me, apologised for what had happened, he even apologised on that idiot’s behalf.

I told him that as a store, they’re not responsible for an individual’s erratic behaviour as such but they do have responsibility to ensure safety and security of their shoppers while on the premises. I insisted that idiot should be stopped and spoken to. His wrongdoing, that kind of behaviour will not be accepted in their store and anywhere. The store manager promised he’ll speak with him. For my own safety, I agreed not to be present by his side and just let him deal with that idiot.

The next morning when I woke up, I felt there was still an unfinished business from the night before. So I decided to call the supermarket to find out if that idiot was spoken to. As the store manger was off duty till later in the evening, I ended up speaking with the second in charge – the duty manager. A long story short, he promised that he’ll personally follow up with the store manager, call me and let me know. He’ll also raise a safety issue in their next meeting and discuss about having a signage put up around the store.

Then, around 9:55 PM before the store shut their door at 10 PM, I got a call from the store manager. He assured to me that he did speak with that idiot about the incident. According to the store manager, that idiot had a bad day. He knew what he did was wrong, he was remorseful and apologetic for the harm he’d caused. It will not happen again.

Soon after the call ended, I felt a great sense of relief mixed with gratitude and achievement. Now that idiot took note of my loud-and-clear message: Bad behaviour will not be tolerated. For me, it was time to move on…