Category: Life

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Dancing Like Someone Is Recording

After having written a post on a heavy subject last time, I thought I’d try something a little lighter this time. For me, life can be a bit fun and games sometimes and needn’t be taken too seriously in all cases. I just think life experience comes from all different corners, even a leisure moment has its place and we can benefit from it just as much.

On this post, the topic I’ll touch on is dancing. What’s prompted me to write this is that I recently got my hands on a video showing my hip hop dance moves, which was recorded on a conference night back in March 2017. For my own amusement and entertainment, I thought I’d share it on my Facebook and see what’d happen. To my surprise, it went viral. They say dance like no one is watching, I say dance also like someone is recording. To me, it’s about putting your best foot forward like there’s a hidden camera somewhere focusing on your every move. You never know when your most memorable moment will be captured by someone.

I love dancing and have been told good at it. As much as I’d like to do it more often, life has been super busy. Gone are the days when I used to spend the bulk of my time in front of a mirror trying to look sharp, in preparation for a night of hot dance at a night club in town. Sure, no big deal time has changed. I’m no longer that kid catching the spotlight on a dance floor. My priorities shifted years ago. Like some parents, I have a full-time commitment to work, home, hobbies and my fury kid, Realistically, I cannot just drop everything, hop on a car and drive to the city on Saturday nights. However, a change in lifestyle doesn’t mean a complete sacrifice for the fun things I love doing. There’s always a way around it. I still dance these days even though I don’t have the luxury to go out nightclubbing like before. I do it in the comfort of my own home instead. Every now and then, when I’m in the mood – whether I’m sad or happy or going through some mixed emotion, I’ll play my favourite types of music in my unit, sing along or dance along – the way I like it. The best thing about this is I can do in my PJ and no one would care. Be it as short as 5 minutes or as long as one hour, dancing always has a way to invigorate me no other forms of activities can. And just for the record, the most tangible effect it has on me is its healing power to uplift my moods. I highly recommend it!

5 6 7 8 Let’s dance!

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Size Isn’t Everything

What you see is what you get? We know appearances can be deceiving. It tells us just how easily we can be blinded by what we only see on the outside or on the surface. Drawing on that, mental health is something we can’t comprehend fully unless we dive into it deeply and learn it from inside out. Writing a post on this subject won’t be an easy task for me but regardless I feel a strong desire to say something about it. My intention is to break down the stereotype and bring an open conversation to the table, in the hope that will change the way we view mental health – to be less judgmental and more open-minded. Here we go…

In the early part of 2016, my company was looking to move to new premises. As an Office Manager, I was called upon to assist with the relocation alongside my boss, CEO of the company. In the process, we worked closely with a property broker whose primary role was to assess and screen properties on the market, then advise us if anything that may be of any interest to our company. If we liked what was presented, she’d go ahead and arrange open inspections for us to attend. From there, it’d be as simple as meeting with commercial real estate agents and commercial property managers on site, who’d then give us a guided tour around the office floors while discussing our needs and requirements etc. On a typical day, we’d inspect 3 to 4 offices in succession. As a first timer, it was a great learning experience for me.

Well into the second week of inspections, we had already seen a considerable number of offices in the city and the North Sydney CBD areas. None of them seemed to offer something that quite met our budget’s bottom line or suited the team size. Compounded by the lease with the previous landlord that was due to expire soon, we were under increasing pressure to find a right office in a very a short time.

Later that week, just when we thought we had enough of it and decided to call it a day, we were suggested at the last minute to inspect one more property before we’d start it all over again the next day. My boss agreed to give it a shot and that’s when we met Daniel, the commercial property manager for this office now which we’ve been leasing and called it our own since. Daniel arrived a few minutes late for our appointment and was very apologetic for it. It really didn’t bother us at all. I just wanted this to be over and done with like others. Seeing him break out in sweat, I immediately felt a bit empathetic. He must’ve just finished one job and rushed to get here to meet us. My first impression of him was his massive build and over-the-top height. I didn’t know who he was in terms of his public profile till my boss recognised him as a former sportsperson. Judging by his credentials, on paper, it looked like he’d got his life figured out, had a successful career in professional sport, a degree from one of the top ten universities in the world, a great transition into a business/civilian life post sports.

Shortly after, we signed the lease and it was all business as usual going forward. Then almost a year later, came a dramatic turn of events. I received a shocking news from my boss saying Daniel has passed away. The tragic loss of his life was confirmed a suicide. I was speechless. I only saw him talking on the phone in the lobby less than 2 weeks ago. I remember he briefly nodded his head when our eyes met. What made it hard to take was Daniel fitted the stereotype of what we perceived as a tall, strong, masculine man and an elite athlete. So, automatically we assumed someone like him was supposed to be a role model, stay at the peak and on top form physically, emotionally and in all pursuits, aligned with what the society expected. Nevertheless, from my limited interactions with Daniel, on a professional level, he came across as a polite human being with a gentle soul and a sensitive heart, contrary to his stereotyped public figure image.

Enough said up to this point but the question now is: Where do we go from here? Looking around, our lives, people, space and things, how do we measure up? Shouldn’t we come clean and get real about the yardstick for success or happiness? Can’t we give our vulnerability more recognition it so deserves and be open, comfortable and OK with it? Paradoxically, when we can, it means we’ve seen the power in vulnerability and turned it into strength…

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Too Many Questions And No Answers

A few days ago I went to create a new page titled “Header Image” on this blog of mine. Underneath that I inserted some narratives to describe where the photo was taken and those beautiful features around it. I felt like I had something more to say about it. So for this post, it’s an extension of that page…

If you’ve been here before, you’d agree that the view here is simply spectacular. I love being here, so does my dog. When we come up here on a sunny day, I tend to settle into my spot – a comfortable shady area away from direct sun but still exposed enough to see what’s going on. I often sit or lie down with my arms and legs stretched as far as I can then just watch the day go by. Being in a zone like this, I normally just close my eyes and try to meditate. It’s never ceased to amaze me just how slowly time can go by when I take a moment to quieten down. Of course, it’s not all calm and peaceful. Within minutes, many unwanted thoughts can pop up and even smallest noises from everywhere can shift my attention away. This has always been a challenge for me. But my philosophy here is I don’t need to be a meditation master. Just happy to be a doer.

How the story goes is in the last several months when I was in this place, I did what I used to doing – looking intently into the horizon, where the sky and the ocean met, then in a non-religious sense, asking nature a whole range of questions about things that weren’t particularly going well in my life or some fears or anxiety I was experiencing, in the hope of getting some clue or hint in return. Time after time, as it turned out, my efforts seemed in vain. It felt like I was just barking up the wrong tree in all attempts. With no exception, to say conclusively, it was a case of too many questions, too many why’s and no answers. Bearing with this, my frustration started to grow and my patience began to run out. I couldn’t help but question power of nature and wonder what’s the point of it anyway.

So. I stopped asking… then one day I came to realization that all those times I wondered why I never got a response, nature had done its part to inspire and give me all the answers but I hadn’t been listening.

What was it then? Silence… 

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The Healing Power Of A Man-To-Man Talk

Guys are notorious for their reluctance to speak their mind or share their feelings or thoughts when going through some tough time. The stigma of showing the vulnerabilities for men is so great that we’d rather bottle things up than risk looking weak and fragile in front of everyone.

As a man, what’s your own coping mechanism? Do you tend to put on a brave face? When it comes to mental health, most guys are probably guilty of this: Sweeping the issues under the carpet and not dealing with them. It may help save our faces in the short term but later it’s bound to backfire and explode.

Believe or not, the average time it takes to secure an appointment these days is five weeks. So busy and so time poor! This kind of timeframe seems unrealistic if you just want to have a quick catch up with your mate. No wonder there are more people nowadays connect with each other electronically than those face to face. For me, I often work around my schedule on a moment notice or better yet spontaneously. But one week ago, I changed it – my ritual a bit. I sent an “early” invitation to a business-associate-turned-friend Huw to see if he is free to catch up one day in the next week or so. I told him from the outset that I have a special voucher for a complimentary cocktail at Amora Hotel Jamison Sydney for myself and a guest, hoping it’d be enough to lure him to join me for a sip. Luckily, it all worked out well for both of us, so we decided to meet up the following Tuesday.

Shortly after he accepted my invitation, I had this faint idea that I’ll just spend one good hour with him. To get the ball rolling, I thought I’d start off by talking about my recent blog posts. The rest we could just go with the flow.

On the day we joined up at the meeting point, we both arrived early. No time to waste! We started chatting away while making our way to the hotel. Once we got to the bar, I was in an even chattier mood thanks to the aesthetic effects of the bar setting and the exotic flavours of the cocktail drinks.

As time went by, I found myself telling Huw more about my vulnerable stuff. Funnily enough, I noticed that he started to reveal his side of vulnerabilities to me, too. A sign that we had built a mutual trust. We covered a wide range of topics like job security, career reinvention, stress in life, mental health, physical health, hair loss, fears, anxiety, Cal Newport’s Deep Work and Mel Robbin’s Five Second Rule and so on.

By the time we were about to wrap up and call it a day, almost 2 hours had passed. It felt as if I’d just got out of a therapy session. I realised things meant to be uncertain or unknown would remain the way they were supposed to be or intended. It’s called the future for a reason. I still had the same fears or anxiety before and after I walked into and out of the door. But the difference is in knowledge. I’d always thought I was alone in some way or had bigger or unique issues than all other guys. It turned out some of us are actually in the same boat. Through a candid man-to-man talk like ours, it’s helped me see the light and understand the healing power of sharing vulnerability between men. And, that’s just one talk alone, imagine if we do more of it…

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Do You Need A Label To Feel Validated?

What’s your label? Is it really yours?

Miran, I met her through an ex-partner of mine in the summer of 2006. At that time, they both still worked in the HR department @ Cisco Systems Australia in Sydney. Long story short, I ran into Miran again a few years later. A small world! Back then she was renting a place in my block so literally she became my neighbour ever since. If you’ve been reading my blog, she was the person I mentioned about on my second post titled “A Winning Attitude As A Catalyst for Change”. We hit it off straight away second time round. It seemed that we had tons of stuff to talk about. We could go on for hours, especially on the topics of life, career and relationships. This story I’m going to share here had a profound impact on me.

Miran grew up in a so-called average family in South Korea, not rich, not poor either. Life couldn’t have been more ordinary in her youth. However, things started to change on the day her mother remarried to a successful man, a solicitor magnate. Consequently, she was no longer just someone’s daughter, she was a solicitor magnate’s daughter – giving her privileges she would’ve never dreamed of, such as a golf membership and other events or functions that we’d normally associate with rich and famous people in an affluent area or those hold a higher socioeconomic status. With an uplift in her living condition and identity, came a shift in how people viewed her as a person. In her own admission, people started to pay close attention when she spoke – something that she had rarely experienced before her mother’s second marriage. It was so obvious that it didn’t take long for her to realize that her ever increasing popularity had something to do with her stepfather’s success.

Many years have passed, armed with a postgraduate degree in Change Management from UNSW and an amazing career under her belt, she’s made a name for herself but never for once acted like she is somebody. The “label” she is wearing is something of her very own.

Everyone wears a label. Having a right one, you will get your foot in the door or get a head start somewhere. That said, if you have humble beginnings, that’s OK. No big deal. After all, what really fascinates and inspires us and ultimately gets our attention and validation is a win achieved by the least unexpected – an underdog…

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Look After Number One

How do you keep a work-life balance? What about when you are unwell? Which side will you be leaning towards?

Winter is just around the corner in the southern hemisphere. With colder months ahead, there’s no better time than now to do something to get the immune system up and keep the cold and flu at bay. After catching a bad cold in October 2017 that lasted for a month – the longest I could remember, I decided to get a flu shot this year to protect myself against 4 major types of flu viruses. It may sound like a simple, logical move to some but to me – not a fan for needles and this type of immunisation, I needed to do my homework before I could convince myself and get past that mental block.

The flu fact sheet at hand was my first point of reference. It had some invaluable information and a useful Q and A section. After reading it, I no longer had any doubts. The next thing I knew, I was rolling up my sleeve and ready for the flu vaccination. A few seconds later, the nurse smiled and said: done. It was that quick and that easy. A small step but it set the tone for the next thing to come – number one.

Looking around, recently my manager has taken some time off from work to look after his dad who’s been in and out of hospital since suffering an unforeseen heart problem. When possible, he’d still come in to work for half of a day or so then leave in the afternoon to see his dad during the visitor time. While he’s tried to keep the disruption to a minimal, he’s clearly demonstrated the importance of looking out for number one and getting the priorities right, guilt free. When he was away, it was business as usual. The team still pulled together to get the job done, seemingly unaffected by his absence.

The notion of number one was a bit challenge for me. All because I was someone who used to believing that taking sick leave was for the weak, a sign of weakness. No longer! No one is made of steel, people do get sick and our bodies need time and space to recover from illness and avoid passing it on to others if contagious.

So, number one has been said, next, what is number two? – A notice I sent to my manger to tell him that I’m due for a couple of medical appointments in the following two weeks… Take care!

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It’s Not Strange To Talk To Strangers, Sometimes

Does the idea of talking to strangers appeal to you? I understand it’s probably not everyone’s cup of tea but we don’t have to avoid it at all costs either.

Recently I’ve stepped out my comfort zone and started to make small talk with a selected range of strangers in public. It’s a mixed bag – both exhilarating and intimidating.

You can expect it’d be a lot easier if you have a dog with you. I’ve seen how quickly people drop their guard and come for a chat. My dog (Jamie) is way more popular than me. I don’t deny it. He draws lots of attention wherever he goes. Why wouldn’t he? A cutie like him. I can learn so much from his natural charisma.

Not surprisingly, the more comfortable you are with who you are, the more natural the interaction will flow through between you and a stranger. Personally, to reach that level of comfort and authenticity in front of someone you’ve never met and spoken with, it requires some mental preparation to begin with. I generally start it off by having a rough draft in my head, typically a very short sentence/question, then 123 I just dive straight into it. Then just let the nature takes its own course. It’s a matter of relying on my intuitions and spontaneity. Whatever comes out of it, it’s meant to be that way.

I admit I get cold feet at times particularly when I’m not sure if my unsolicited approach will be well-received. What would they think of me? Would they think I’m a freak or a weirdo?What if I get rejected? However most of my experiences so far have been pleasant.

I’ve chatted with people from other floors, overseas tourists, sales clerks at a department store, a commuter at the same bus stop, a pub manager, a construction worker, a surveyor, a drone pilot assistant, a film director to name just a few. Overall, strangers aren’t that scary. Almost everyone has a story to tell and to share.

The common denominator that I’ve found is that people appreciate the fact that you tell it like it is and aren’t trying to impose something on them, be it an idea, a concept, an ideology, a belief, a view or a product. The less judgmental and opinionated you are, the better you are reciprocated, even if you appear a bit lost, shaky, nervous, vulnerable or curious.

They say stranger are just friends you haven’t met yet. I can relate to it. The beauty of talking to strangers is you’ll probably never meet them again…

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Learn Things The Hard Way

I’ve recently resumed my lunch time activity – walk. Barangaroo Reserve is my new favourite place to go out and about and stretch my legs around Sydney CBD. It has everything I wanted – quiet, convenient and clean. One mid afternoon last week, I decided to explore the area again, on foot at my own leisure pace of course. I don’t run. It was after 2 PM, that time of the day most workers in the city would’ve finished their lunch and gone back to their offices already. With that in mind, I was looking forward to being outside in a less crowded space on this autumn sunny day.

On my way, I saw a woman on a pavement, standing right next to a street rubbish bin, with a cigarette on one hand, looking rather stressed out. The effects of nicotine didn’t seem enough to take away a deep frown, a serious look on her face. She was just a normal person smoking legally in an open public space during her break. There was nothing out of ordinary about it. Well, it didn’t strike me at first glance but it did only a few seconds later when I noticed the size of her tummy. I thought: Are you for real? You are pregnant and you are smoking! Why?! Being disturbed by what I’d just seen, I felt compelled to walk up to her and tell her to stop. But then I thought: Who am I to judge her? What if she’s a bit overweight, not really pregnant? I have no connection to this person anyway. So, I resisted it, walked away and continued on my own business.

More than an hour later, walking on my way back, I happened to see the same woman again on the same spot doing exactly the same thing – smoking her second cigarette in a matter of one hour. This time round I had an even stronger urge to tell her to “do the right thing” but I decided to stay silent and leave her alone.

When I took a moment to reflect on this, I wondered if there was something I could’ve done better or more. I concluded: No. The beauty of being an adult is we make our own decisions and choices but inevitably we also take our own responsibility. As much as we’d like to help others, and save them from going astray, it’s sad but true and like it or not, some people have to learn things the hard way…

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Ask Questions In Reverse

Just thought I’d say hi to a friend who hadn’t been around on Facebook for a while. His last post was as far as December 2017. So, I wanted to check on him and make sure he’s in a right place both mentally and physically. The first thing that popped up in my head was to ask him: How’s life treating you? A question like this wouldn’t have been anything out of ordinary, but we’re both creative people (he’s a singer and a song writer) and particularly myself a strong advocate in empowerment, I thought I’d better come up with something different or unconventional. I paused for a few seconds, then right at that moment the thought that crossed my mind was: why don’t I put the question in reverse? How are you treating life? a new powerful question was born from there.

It was amazing how quickly it transformed my mindset when I shifted gears. For the first time in a long while, it felt like I was in the driving seat, I was the one in charge of the life’s ups and downs. Funnily enough, I only meant to write a how are you, a short catch-up message to a friend, but unexpectedly it ended up an opportunity for me to review my attitude towards life, from an opposite angle.

I sent him a message shortly before this post and yes I did ask that question: How have you been treating life? and all that. Deep down I wouldn’t expect a fast response after all he did say he’s signing out a bit and keeping a low-profile on the social media front. In fact, it’d be entirely fine by me if I don’t hear from him for days or even weeks or months. The truth is I know he’s been busy treating life as it comes. I just wanted to say: Thank you for inspiring me my friend. Keep living your dreams…

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Things I Can’t Walk Away From

Due to a chain of events, I decided to call it a day and cancel my website “Withstand It”. It was still a milestone considering I’d published 32 posts since launched in November 2017 and I’m not comparing the number with anyone else but myself. A combination of reasons prompted me to shut it down but it was never about me getting tired of it or a matter of novelty wearing off, rather it was because I realized I’d exhausted the concept of “Withstand It” and it was about time for me to move on to the next project and the next chapter – the new website “Ted Tsai Writing” as you see now. The fact that there was still 6 months to go before my subscription expired, didn’t seem to bother me not in the slightest. I was determined to let go of it and do it straight away.

I thought I’d take a longer break before re-entering into the world of blogging but obviously I didn’t. During my time off, I had a few quiet moments to myself to reflect on things I was missing most and what I could learn from the first blogging experience. It became quite clear to me that I simply couldn’t walk away from my passion for writing, thanks largely to my over-thinking brain. Following this came a realization that my obsession with the stats and the readership had taken a toll on me. The notion of getting hung up by the number of views and likes completely defeated the purpose of why I set up “Withstand It” in the first place. All these added up to a quick decision to make a change.

The old posts from “Withstand It” are kept here for a reason – a reminder of how I started this journey as a naïve blogger. Having them incorporated into this new website “Ted Tsai Writing”, gives me a sense of freedom and a bigger purpose. I’ll stick around for the joy of writing. It’s not intended to be the Do’s and Don’ts rule book for anyone but instead it’s a place for me to document and interpret the complexity and richness of life and how it can bring out the best or the worst in us, then finish it off with a touch of empowerment – in my trademark writing style. If it resonates well with readers and they reciprocate it in any way overt or covert, then I know I’m not alone and so do they…