Category: Life

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Bring A Blind Spot To Light

They say we are our own worst enemy. 100%! When it comes to giving advice to others, we act and sound like experts. But when it comes to following our own advice, we become paralysed and lose our way very quickly. At times, we even sabotage ourselves for that matter. It’s like everything we’ve learned about how to tackle life issues, big, small or ugly, all goes out of the window in a flash. But why is it the case?

In the first five month of my blogging experience, I talked about many great lessons and inspirations that came to my life. When I wrote, I often had this thing in mind: I want to walk readers through my journey and give them the leverage to deal with their own challenges in similar situations. Yes, on paper, I did just that. But then one day when I ran into a bump in the road, The irony? I found myself not coping well. The positive stuff I’d been advocating all went down the drain. I felt like a fraud. At that point I decided to cancel my website altogether. It may sound a bit over the top or too dramatic in my reaction but my then-sentiment was that if I can’t be a testament to the things I pitch about, then it’ll probably be useless and meaningless for me to keep on doing this. So, I went ahead and shut down my first website completely and permanently. Of course, I came back a few weeks later, launched a new website and started blogging again.

Strangely, in the last few days, I kept going back to the idea of “blind spot”. We know in the context of driving a car, there’s an area we can’t see. Therefore, checking our blind spot is essential if we want to stay safe on the road. Using this as an analogy, it’s fair to say that in life we also have a blind spot somewhere – an area for improvement we can’t see ourselves. Now as I look back on those times why I failed to put knowledge into action, in part if not all might’ve had something to do my blind spot. To that effect, it may well explain the reason why it’s harder to take our own advice when a blind spot gets in a way.

So, where can we start to reduce our blind spot and make way for action taking? Perhaps it’s a matter of:

  • Learning to give advice to yourself like you do to others
  • Learning to see the subject from a third party’s standpoint
  • Learning to view things from a different angle or corner
  • Learning to appreciate the whole reflection in the mirror

The list can go on and on if I dive in deeper and deeper. That’s the beauty of taking a personal development journey – there’s often something new and profound to explore and expand. For now though I’ll just take one step at a time, look before I change to the fast lane…

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Waste A Day, Waste A Week

When it comes to prioritizing, do you do what’s urgent or what’s important or whatever is in front of you? Do you spend your time firefighting rather than making any progress? What are the time wasters in your life that get in the way?

Time management. Some experts have argued that there’s no such a thing. I get that. Time constantly flows by and never stands still, it really can not be captured by any humankind in any given moment. Looking at its own unique character and a particular role it plays in our lives, time has been and will always be the most irresistible and irreplaceable resource in the planet. No matter where we come from or what our status is, everyone gets a fair share. Fair enough! But think about it, no one has time forever. How do we see the value of time? In my case, a reality check was what I needed to go back to basics and re-examine my time-poor lifestyle. Here’s the story.

My recent wake up to reality was like a slap in the face moment. Where it happened was quite interesting. A veterinary clinic! Early this year I took my dog to a vet for an annual vaccination and a routine health check-up. While we were in a surgical room waiting for the vet, I thought I’d kill a few minutes reading some pet care information on the walls. Immediately, a poster containing a dog year chart caught my attention. Out of curiosity, I went over to check which age group my dog would belong to. And? In human years, my dog was around 65, categorized as an old dog near the tip of the chart. Standing there, my heart started to sink. It was an awakening moment I needed. In retrospect, often I got so caught up in day-to-day things, petty stuff in life, that many more important things ended up slipping out of my mind. So, right there and then, I came to the realization that it could only be a few more years left for my dog’s time on Earth. It sucked. Big time! Of course it was hard to take, but when I took a step back and thought it through again, it really opened me up and served a big purpose for me to live by – seize the day before it’s too late. Imagine, every time a person wastes one day of his life, that one day is the equivalent of a week in a dog’s life. Reality bites. You bet!

To draw a close to this post, an old saying comes straight to my mind: Time and tide wait for no man. But it feels like something is missing. So I think I’ll extend it to: time and tide wait for no man and no dog…

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From Head Space To Outer Space

Feeling stuck in a rut? They say it’s all in your head. It sounds too familiar, doesn’t it? I don’t disagree with it. If we accept this statement is true, what does it leave us? What’s next? What do you do if a thought no longer serves you? If we can’t end the struggle for once and all, can we at least interrupt the thought pattern? Let’s dive in…

I admit sometimes I have the tendency to think the problems I’m dealing with are bigger than anyone else’s in the world. Of course, usually they are not but it just feels like that at times. It’s particularly true when I’m not in the right head space. What about you? I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Knowing thoughts can be distorted, exaggerated or dramatized, is there any technique we can adopt to help us break through what seems to be “just imaginable”? When a set of irrational beliefs spirals out of control, the challenge seems to become bigger. How do we find a way to keep things in perspective so that we don’t get sucked into a deep black hole. What’s the trick? Check this one out…

So near yet so far away. Only last week was my first time visiting Sydney Observatory, a delightful small gem hidden away from the Sydney CBD. What took me so long? Good question! I don’t think I can be excused for not doing it sooner considering I’ve been living in this city for more than 28 years. Anyway, even astronomy isn’t really your thing, it’s still worth paying a visit to this historical building (admission is free) or just exploring the surrounds. The hill behind the building offers some amazing views as you can see in this picture.

Shortly after I took some photos from there, I went back in the observatory. Immediately I was greeted by what appeared to be the only staff working that day. She was so friendly and bubbly that without a doubt gave the place a good feel to it. Following a brief induction, I walked into the first exhibition room on the right-hand side. A giant full-length poster inside a display window instantly grabbed my attention. It captured countless small stars in the universe through lenses of a telescope. Many of them just looked like white tiny dots to me. Standing in front of it for I can’t remember how long, suddenly, my outlook on so-called problems just shifted. Right there and then those huge problems or shitty stuff in life started to lose their strong hold over me.

From head space to outer space, it looks million miles away but my recent visit to Sydney Observatory has helped bridge the gap and allowed me to see things the “sizes” they are – No distortion, no exaggeration, no dramatization. It was an unexpected find in my own little universe…

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Got A Problem? Face It Before You Forget It

Move on!

I hear people say this all the times. Nice try but easier said than done!

Is there such a thing as you can just snap out of it and jump into the next chapter of your life without sweat? It surely sounds unbelievable to me. What’s with carrying through an old painful memory till time passes and heals you over? What can be done to shorten the process of getting over it and getting back on your feet again? If it’s been a treadmill day in and day out just to forget your problems and you haven’t seen any tangible results, isn’t it about time to gain a new perspective and redeem yourself? What does it take to get you there? Let’s explore it…

I remember how one troubled mind rested heavily on my shoulders a few years ago. So much so that it felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Determined to give it a kick up the arse, I took my dog out to a beautiful hidden gem (pictured) that I discovered a few weeks prior. It was located in a lovely neighbourhood surrounded by leafy trees, an inner harbour and friendly locals. The walk proved to be a pleasant one but with a surprise twist.

How it started was, on my way back, I happened to meet an elderly lady who was standing in her front yard chatting away with a middle-aged man who was probably half of her age. They looked related so I just assumed they were a mother and a son. She gave me a smile as we were getting closer to the footpath near her, then she asked: What is the name of your dog? Jamie and he’s a boy, I responded. For another minute or two, I continued to stay up there and listen to her talking fondly about her grandchild living in Melbourne. Right then, just when I thought: Done with socialising, I should be heading off soon, she unexpectedly came around and asked me the same things again and again – the same questions about my dog’s name and all that. By that time, I got a pretty good idea about her condition. She was someone living with dementia.

It was such a sobering moment that I became a bit speechless, almost ashamed of myself for acting out my depressed feeling that way at the start of the day.

Ironically, the whole day I was trying the hardest to get this shit out of my head, then met this elderly lady who couldn’t even remember the most basic things just being said a few minutes earlier. In such vast contrast, it was more than enough to wake me up from my inner demons and insanity I was struggling with – I realized: I have choices and I have options.

If I want to, I can choose what I forget (or forgive for that matter). For some people who are battling with dementia, they don’t have that luxury. Interestingly, now I look back, I can’t pinpoint exactly what that troubled mind was all about then. It seems like a distant memory that’s not worth my time revisiting it. Funny how I thought by forgetting it, it would create a magic bullet for easing my troubled mind, in fact at the end it was the act of facing the problem that made a difference…

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OCD Your Flaw Or Your Gift?

The fact is we all have something. I decided to write a post about OCD here, a condition I’ve wrestled with for years since I was kid. No doubt facing my own imperfection in a public domain on my blog can be very confronting but that’s exactly the reason why I’m doing it and will keep doing till it’s not hard anymore. It’s funny when you set out to combat your fears head on, the very first step you take, you effectively reduce their significance and impact. As to why it works, I’m sure there’s a whole bunch of scientific theories behind it. But when the results can speak for themselves, I’m happy to take a lazy approach and not dive in to the deep, dry stuff.

Much has been said about OCD in print and on line. For those ones I’ve researched on, they all offered valuable insights into this sometimes-misunderstood mental illness. It was very fascinating to read some of those lines that described the symptoms that I was too familiar with. Anyone who’s interested in this topic can Google it and find many useful links and sites available. In short and in plain language, OCD is a form of anxiety disorder. The rituals associated with it are simply ways of coping mechanism. The very core of OCD is about controlling.

Contrary to the common views on OCD which see it as a mental illness and for the most sufferers who may even regard their OCD as something shameful, I now have a completely different take on it. In recent years I’ve begun to recognise the positive aspects of OCD. Things like great powers of observation, strong attention to detail and an acute sense of order and organization, all these are character traits ingrained in people with OCD. For me, anything that requires precision, accuracy and quality control, I’m up for it and can create amazing results. It’s about turning the infamous flip side of OCD and transferring it into something I can use to my advantage. The process doesn’t involve changing the person I am. I believe the skill set revolves around those tedious rituals that people with OCD perform is the same skill set that required to achieve great successes in life. The trick is to shift the focus area to something that’ll bring meaningful achievements.

Looking back at my journey, the hardest part wasn’t dealing with OCD itself. It was accepting it and worrying less about what others may think of me. It took me years and years to get there. All I can say conclusively is the only way to “come clean” is really to be comfortable with who you are. I was born this way for a reason and after years of questioning, struggling and battling, I no longer see my OCD as inner demons but as an innate gift… Very blessed!

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Be Visible To Sell Yourself

Intentionally or not, we all sell ourselves at some point in our lives. Whether it’s in a boardroom presenting our ideas to a group of executives or sitting in a meeting room being interviewed by a panel of hiring managers for a new job you really want or having an annual performance appraisal or bonus review with your boss, it’s inevitable we need to take the role of the salesperson and showcase what we’re good at. Ultimately, the goal is to persuade a decision maker to buy what we’re selling – ourselves.

Where do we begin? A good place to start is to ask ourselves this question: Are we visible enough to be counted for? I guess not everyone is comfortable with self-promoting or putting themselves forward but when the stakes are high, no one can afford to take a back seat or hide in a corner waiting to be discovered. The good news is: The world seems to have its own rewarding system. The bad news is: It rightfully operates outside our comfort zone.

Here’s an interesting example. The other day I was chatting with a café owner downstairs from the same building where I work, I noticed he had a box of friands (small almond cakes), uncovered, sitting on top of a food display cabinet instead of inside like the rest of patisseries. Not that he ran out of space. I was very curious so I went to ask him what it was all about. Wouldn’t they go stale very soon? I asked. He was very quick to respond: because they sell fast this way. I immediately got it. Yes, he had his point. Those friands looked fabulously delicious and mouth-watering. They were right in a prime position beside a cash register counter, perfectly on the eye level for any discerning customers. Who wouldn’t be tempted to grab a piece or two while there? Understanding the psychology behind it and marketing it in such a fashion, the café owner was indeed very clever at playing with visual effects which can work wonderfully like a hook that captures the consumer mind. It’s a lure that attracts buyers attention. The rest? It is a matter of letting the product speaking for itself: Hey! Look at me, I’m hot, I’m the best seller, buy me and eat me, now.

Although visibility doesn’t guarantee success, essentially, it’s a key ingredient to getting your foot in the door. Next time when you have an opportunity to sell yourself, how would you like to position yourself to increase your visibility? Think of those yummy friands. FYI, they were sold out…

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Broken Into But Not Broken

Gone are the days when burglars would smash a window or break a door to get into a house and take away people’s precious belongings. Nowadays, crimes in this nature are committed in cyberspace without even leaving a trace in the physical world. Cybercrime has become so sophisticated that cybercriminals like hackers can literally steal your hard-earned money or valuable personal data without showing up on your doorstep. They can just sit quietly behind a desk, tap away at a computer and watch your every move in secret. One click is all it takes for them to gain access to your network. The next thing you know, your security is in tatters and your privacy is in the hands of the wrong people.

The truth is no one is 100% immune from being a target for cybercriminals. As a blogger or a social media account user like Facebook, when you put yourself out there, the information posted online or shared in public can be collected and studied by cybercriminals. Their premeditated attacks are aimed at stealing your money and/or identity. The stakes are so high that we cannot afford to take chances and only deal with it when it happens.

The reason for writing this post is to educate and remind readers about the dangers of hacking and serious damage hackers can do to you once they gain an unlawful entry to your computer devices. Why do I care so much about this issue? Because it happened to me a couple of years ago. Knowing how bad it was, I don’t wish anyone to go through a similar experience like mine. So, how it started is one day I received an unsolicited email that looked seemingly legitimate. Although I remained a bit guarded and skeptical about it at first, I was fooled to click the malicious link that gave a hacker an indefinite remote access to the computer I was using. The following few days I began to notice something fishy was going on particularly when I was doing some online transactions. For example, my mouse wasn’t moving as freely as usual. By the time I reported this incident, damage had already been done. The length I had to go through to clean up the computer and repair the disease infected by hacking was astonishing. Because it was so badly damaged, at the end I had no choice but to give up the computer altogether.

What I learnt from this experience is:

  1. Hackers don’t just contact you out of blue, they do their homework and study your online behavioral patterns way before they send you an invitation.
  2. Hackers will lure you with a bait and ask you to click a link to view more details. That’s a red flag.

We live in the digital age that there’s a tone of information coming to us from all different corners of the world at any give time. It’s natural that we don’t want to miss out on anything important or valuable. But not everything is as pure and innocent as they claim themselves to be. As we conduct more and more businesses on line and share our personal lives unreservedly in cyberspace, cybercriminals will always look for opportunities to launch their attacks. Make sure we exercise caution and stay vigilant. If need be, press “Delete” button first before hackers have a chance to press your buttons…

 

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Hello Smartphone, I’m The Boss

“Your fly is undone” – Finally I plucked up the courage to tell a fellow passenger standing next to me on the bus this morning. He, like most commuters in this city, had headphones on and was reading stuff on his smartphone. So where should I start? Seeing an intent look on his face, my initial thought was to leave him alone. Part of me though wanted to speak out and save his awkward moment. After weighing it up in my head, I decided to tell him like it is. Instead of saying it verbally, I managed to type down these few words on my smartphone and show the text message in his face. Luckily, my well meaning gentle gesture was subtle enough not to cause a scene on this crowded bus.

Well, it was just a spur of the moment decision. Where did it all stem from? It could’ve been genetically ingrained in my DNA a long while ago – when I see something, I have the urge to say something. It’s just me. Anyway, my surprised move was well-received, he smiled at me and said: “Thank You”, before he had a chance to put his hand down there and zipped it up in a flash.

Speaking of smartphones, a long list of uses can go as far as our imagination takes us to. In the above case, it helped me communicate effectively and discreetly with a stranger, without even speaking a word. However, other smartphone uses, if not watched carefully, can intensify and spiral out of control. They can steal our attention away from things around us. In some serious cases, they can even have accident-prone effects on our health and safety. Arguably, using a smartphone while walking whether it’s day or night and in any given situation is just not a smart thing to do. You can never know what’s around the corner when you aren’t aware of what’s in front of you or beside you. For example, it happened to me some weeks ago when I was scrolling through my smartphone while walking on a sidewalk at night, thinking I was safe on a footpath, not realizing a car from a road was steering towards me, trying to enter a garage right where I was standing – in the middle of the driveway. One big lesson learned and never again.

Smartphones obviously have revolutionized the way we communicate with each other today and how we receive, send and share information. The trend is not going to stop. The challenge for us is to be selective – choose what feeds into our brains and only look out for things that add values to our lives. But no matter how smart, useful and attractive our smartphones are, we need to show to these small devices that we’re the boss. Remember, there’s an I in iPhone and I comes before phone…

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What Walking Away From Three Steady Jobs Has Taught Me

I guess I was a lucky one. After I was made redundant in October 2011, I continued to land one job after another. Although not in a close succession I still consider myself lucky. They say on average it takes about 5 months to find a job, it’s also very true in my case.

Bear in mind that getting a job is one thing, staying in a job is another. It’s a two-way street for both an employee and an employer. When it comes to assessing the long-term career prospects, it’s a whole new ballgame. So, after I was given a four month notice by Fairfax Media, a company I’d worked for more than 11 years, there was no time to waste and no time to rest, I went straight into a job hunting process. Believe or not, back then I didn’t even have a computer at home, no internet connection and no phone line. So, to get the ball rolling, I had to get these done in a flash.

In a matter of 18 months, I was fortunate enough to be hired by three different employers. However, as said, getting a job is one thing, staying in a job is another. At the end, I decided to walk away from them all. I remember when I told my mum that I’ve resigned from the first company, she was very worried. Why? Because I was living on my own, still paying home mortgage and all the utilities that came along with it. Then I got another job, but a few months later, I told her I left the second company, she thought I was crazy. Then I got another job, several months passed, I told her I left the third company, this time she was speechless.

Leaving a job while nothing else lining up is never easy. In fact, it’s brutally hard. Of course, I did it for a number of reasons. I even said I wouldn’t have done it any other ways had I been in a similar situation again. Looking back, it proved the pain was worth bearing and the risks were worth taking. Only in hindsight I’m able to see what I didn’t to see. You just can’t hurry time, that’s what life has taught me.

To put together the important lessons that I’ve learned after walking away from three steady jobs, here’s my summary:

  1. When one door closes, you need to get up and open another. It’s not an automatic door.
  2. Money is never a good motivator to stay in a job nor to leave a job. Money talks but it doesn’t walk.
  3. It’s perfectly OK not to know what the next avenue is. Knowing the current path is not a right path for you is perfectly enough.
  4. When you try, it leaves clues. When you think, it leaves plenty of question marks.

I guess the list can go on but that’s all I could come up with so far. If there’re more things that may pop up at a later stage, I can always come back and update it.

In the meantime, in case you are wondering, Yes, I did find my niche after resigning from those three reputable companies… and it’s nice I should also say…

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A Thick Skin Starts With A Brave Face

It’s funny we often use the word “thick” to describe someone’s lack of intelligence or common sense in their ways of thinking, talking or behaving. Interestingly, when it comes to the skin – the largest organ in the human body, we refer “thick-skinned” to people who aren’t easily hurt, offended or embarrassed by criticism or people’s negative comments. The word “thick” in this context, isn’t too bad at all. Judging by its whole meaning, we can all agree on the positive connotations that come with it. Obviously, we’d rather be thick in the skin than in the head, wouldn’t we?

I wasn’t born with a thick skin. Throughout my life I often consider myself as a thin-skinned, introverted person. Wearing this inward label every day, has it been serving me well up to this point? The answer is I wish I could’ve been more thick-skinned in many cases. If you’re sick of sitting on the sidelines, perhaps it’s time to think about cultivating a thick skin mentality and incorporating it into your personality? Wouldn’t it be nice if we can call upon it only when a situation is required, other times we just relax and stay the way we are? The question is always the same. When facing a new challenge, the first thing that pops up is: Where should I start? What’s the first step I should be taking before I can hone the skill? What should I do to increase the chances of success? I don’t know if there’s a rule book I can follow but instead of searching far and wide, going above and beyond, a better place to start is where we’re right now. Read on and find out where I started.

A couple of weeks ago my CEO called me to his office. It turned out he wanted me take on an office project – refurbishing part of the workplace. He was very specific about what he wanted it to look like. My task was simply to find someone who can do just that. Because I already had a couple of contacts on file who specialized in this type of thing, I was very confident from the outset that I’d achieve a good outcome. Interestingly, right before I stepped out of his office, he looked at me with a grin on his face then left an unexpected remark – go out and spend the money! I wasn’t 100% sure if he was serious but I wasn’t going to treat it like a joke.

While I wasn’t given a budget to run this project, I was very careful about where the money would go. In other words, I didn’t want to spend it like there’s no tomorrow. Over a course of a week, the consultant came back to me with a quote that seemed a bit too dear. When I presented it to my CEO, he looked at it and approved it straight away. I thought, Gee that was fast. There was no point for me to stand there and argue with him. I was happy to leave it at that. But, part of me still believed there was a room for price negotiation. So, did I do anything about it?

It was a venture completely outside my comfort zone. A day after the quote was approved by my CEO, I turned around, put on a brave face and called the consultant. I could feel I was mumbling and my voice was shaky. My message was kind of subtle and blurry but he totally got it – I wanted to get the price down. He asked me how much. I paused, refused to give away my bottom line. Before I hung up, he knew it was a matter of “the ball is in his court”. A few hours later, he came back to me with a revised quote – way better than I expected, a total saving of AUD $600.00. I cheered inside. That’s enough to buy our team a plenty of pizzas. Thick crust or thin crust you may ask? I don’t care…