Category: Life

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My Quick Guide To Paying Off Mortgage Years Faster

You love money, who doesn’t?! but how do you make money love you back? Money money must be funny? Well, only when you have enough to live by. When you don’t, it’s not so much a laughing matter. Money, love it or hate it, we still work for it, none of us wants to live a day without it. Almost everything we do depends on it. Even charities need money to run and do their good deeds.

Is money a devil or an angel? Maybe both? Money may have two faces but money itself isn’t a problem. It’s our money habits that determine whether money will work for us or against us.

The concept of one dollar saved is one dollar earned still rings true for me to this date. It’s old school like a grandma’s advice but it’s stood the test of time and proved to be a steady way to getting money in shape. In my experience, it’s helped me get through those tough days when I was a bit low in cash.

What do you do with your money? If buying a home is on the cards, you can be sure that it’ll be one of the biggest investments you’ll ever have in your life. Unless you’re self-funded, that is, using your own money, otherwise it’s a whole new board game waiting for you to play. And? You want to play to win!

Buying a home isn’t for the fainthearted. The first challenge most new home buyers face is to save enough funds for a deposit. To achieve that, it means the spending habits will need to be modified, if their finance isn’t already in good shape. Of course, you don’t want to squeeze yourself too much or it’ll feel like you’re suffocating. When it comes to money savings, a little goes a long way. It’s doable even if you’re someone who gets regular pay cheque every fortnight/month, with no other source of income. Start saving today and you’ll see your money tree grow bigger beyond your imagination. I’d say a realistic time frame to give yourself is 2 to 5 years if you’re a newcomer.

So, what are things you can save on? Try small things first and bigger ones later.

  • Coffees: If you buy coffees 5 times a week, try to reduce it to 2 or 3 times a week.
  • Grocery Shopping: Buy in bulk and put those essential items in your trolley only when they’re on special.
  • Transport: If getting off the bus one stop earlier means you can save $1.00 each time. Do it. It’ll make a great work out. Win win!

To get more serious about savings, the following 3 saving tips aren’t negotiable:

  • Eating out: Cutting down on restaurant bills and do more home cooking. Cheap and cheerful.
  • Holidays: Take day trips in your city that don’t require overnight accommodation. I’ve always preferred my own pillows.
  • Entertainment: Do those fun and free activities instead of those that require you to spend money on. I’m not sure if the best things in life are free, but the funniest things definitely are.

Once you’ve got your hard-earned money saved up for a deposit (ideally 20%), it’s important to talk to a reputable home mortgage provider first (personally, I’m conservative, I prefer banks) to see how much you can borrow from there, before you begin your home hunt. That way, it’ll give you a good idea of what the house price range you can afford to buy. It’ll also give you a quick snapshot of what repayments would look like should you decide to take up the loan.

When you got your mortgage account set up, congrats! All the paper work and nitty gritty stuff is behind you. What you’ll see in your first bank statement for the first time is tonnes of money, a big number – in negative! Welcome! You’ve signed your life away! Mortgage, it’s daunting to just look at it, let alone paying it off. Have I scared you off already?

In Australia, the average loan size is $384,700.00 in 2018 according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS). That’s one hell of a debt to carry. The number is even bigger in Sydney, $462,100 to be precise. Imagine, you’ll have it on your shoulders for the next 25 years or 30 years. How old will you be when you finally get it down to zero? If not careful with money, you’ll soon feel stuck in a rut and be miserable for a long time.

The bottom line is you want to get out of debt as quickly as you can. Let your income work harder for you by having it in an offset account to reduce the loan interest. Beware! Not everyone wants you to be debt free sooner, especially your bank. Our love-hate relationship with banks is here to stay. On one hand, they lend you money so you can buy a home, on the other, they have an eye on their self-interest – interest on your loan, so to speak. When it comes to money, it’s very point-blank, very much black and white (or red). Either you have it or you don’t. If you do, sweet! Be my guest. If you don’t, you’re a stranger, they don’t want to know you. Simple as that.

So, here it is. My Quick Guide To Paying Off Home Mortgage Years Faster. Sounds fancy! I know it’s a bit basic and raw… Huh? Have I just heard someone say… Who do you think you are Ted?! What makes you qualified to speak on this topic? Hmmm… Not bragging here but I’ve followed own advice and paid off my mortgage in 13 years as opposed to 30 years – the life of the loan. That’s 17 years faster! I guess I must’ve done something right, right?

Please also check out my previous blog post: https://tsaited.com/2018/10/29/say-bye-bye-to-mortgage-years-earlier/

I hope you’ll find it helpful.

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We’ve Got 4 Letters To Save Lives

Everyone can do it, it all starts with one simple and sincere question: R U OK?

R U OK? is a suicide prevention charity in Australia. Their mission is “to inspire and empower everyone to meaningfully connect with people around them and support anyone struggling with life.”

Following R U OK? Day on 12 September 2014, I came up with this crazy idea: to reach out to strangers and give away those spare R U OK? Biscuits from our office kitchen table.

So, time to walk the walk! During my lunch time that day, I ventured into Sydney’s Botanic Gardens to start off the “promotion”. It was quite a brave move as I’d never done things like that before. Putting my nervousness aside, I thought: Oh well, there’ll always be a first time anyway. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. So what?! If they reject me. They aren’t monsters, they aren’t going to eat me alive.

First, I approached to a gardener who was on a small gardening transport. When he stopped in front of me, I got the opportunity to ask him if he’d like to have a pack of biscuits. He smiled and accepted it. I thought Wow that wasn’t too hard. Feeling rather confident, next I walked up to a lovely middle-aged couple and asked them the same question. They were pleasantly surprised by my random acts of kindness. Yes, they also smiled and accepted it. I thought great, my lucky day, it’s been well received. Time to challenge myself. Shortly after that, I deliberately selected some “hard targets”. What did I get out of it? A few “No, thanks” friendly responses.

As my lunch time was about to run out, I still had 2 packs of biscuits left in my hand. I decided to keep them to myself as a small reward for stepping out my comfort zone.

The next day, I posted this story on my Facebook and said:

I just wanted to spread a bit kindness. 3 people received mine today. If each of them does the same. By next Friday, in just seven days, 3+9+27+81+243+729+2187=3279 people will have received someone’s kindness. It is not hard to make our world a better place!

So, R U OK?

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Revenge Is A Dish Best Not Served…

Huh? Yes, you’ve heard it right.

Revenge is a dish best not served…

Hungry for the payback time? Perhaps someone somewhere is using tactics to lure you into over-reacting or some wrongdoing, then when least expected, they’ll catch you in the act! Backstabbing, calculated sabotage, how worse could it get?

It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. Not that I don’t want to spread the message of love here, but on my journey to building life skills, I’ve been for many times confronted with the dark side of human nature. It’d defeat the purpose of creating this website, if I didn’t allow myself to explore every facet of human DNA and the complexity of characters we later developed throughout various stages of our lives – the good, the beautiful, the bad and the ugly. When it comes to human nature, I simply can’t go passed one that I love to hate and hate to love – revenge.

If you have a tit for tat on your plate, chances are you already put yourself in a victim category. The thing is when people try anything they can to get even, odds are stacked against them. It may sound like it’s a play on words here, but history and experiences have shown us AND taught us that revenge in any shape or form if not done “rightfully” tends to backfire and inflict more pains on ourselves.

There’s a clear distinction between revenge and seeking justice. Revenge is about returning the same level of harm to an offender. It’s done normally through (but not limited to) “taking the matters into your own hands” or “the back door”, whereas seeking justice is about bringing fairness and appropriate punishments to an offender. It’s achieved normally through law or other “public” channels. Each to their own.

We often associate revenge with war. Look around, the world has no shortage of wars. War inevitably causes severe casualties and hardship for any countries involved. What’s more, the side effects continue to haunt the people and economy even in the aftermath of war. We certainly don’t need another war if we can avoid it altogether. More peaceful means like economic/trade sanctions that don’t require the use of arms and deployment of troops are just as effective.

In June, just last month, the world could’ve seen a new war between US and Iran following the incidence when an US surveillance drone was shot down by Iran over the Strait of Hormuz. To retaliate, an air strike was ordered by US President Mr Trump but was only cancelled at the last 10 minutes before the strike was due to be carried out. His change of mind came when he learned that the number of Iranians killed could hit 150.

On a much smaller scale and on a personal level, none of us is a complete angle. If we’re honest to ourselves, we all own a few vices. For me, because of my competitive nature, I’m this stubborn person who’d fight the hardest to have the last word in any argument or debate, especially when I believe that I’m right about it. If I get my own way, sweet! I’d feel like a winner, if I don’t get my own way, bitter! I’d feel like a loser. In such a case, I’d seek out the next opportunities to reclaim the lead. Childish me! But writing this post has been quite a self-discovery roller coaster, it’s led me to see – it’s just my ego talking. Ego gets in the way.

My love-hate relationship with revenge shines through in this blog post. It’s contradictory, perhaps controversial even. I admit, in some cases, I’m totally against revenge, but in other cases, I’m 100% for it. Bitter or sweet, in my book, revenge is a double-edged sword, there’s no one way or the other whichever way I look at it. Given the circumstances, at the end of the day, I’d rather win life than merely win a moment. With this in mind, it’ll help me pick my battles more carefully. For now, revenge is a dish best not served…

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Last Night I Tried To Break Up With My Anxiety

My anxiety has a life of his own. Often, he’s very opinionated, and he doesn’t always listen to me. But guess what?! The tables are about to turn.

Now, he’s devastated. After I decided to break up with him, he’s anxious and worried. Well, he should’ve known better. This is just a little taste of how I felt all those times. Already I can see he’s not coping. Sweet!

He thought he’d have me for life. I thought that too. But last night, I wanted to end a decades-long relationship with him for good. To make the process less complicated, I didn’t even bother telling him what I was planning to do – leaving him.

As clingy as usual, he’s begging me to stay. He says he deserves a second chance. I say, “Sure, fat chance! That’s all you’ll get from me.” Tonight, I’m on my own. Hasta la vista, baby!

Isn’t it funny?! My anxiety gets anxious too. The moment I stop giving a shit about him and what he’s done to me, he starts to freak out like there’s no tomorrow. “Are you threatening to walk out on my life?” You bet, honey.

Anxiety, over the years, has given me nothing but…

  • The worst-case scenarios
  • The black-and-white thought pattern
  • The all-or-nothing mindset
  • False alarms
  • The distorted belief system

It’s so laughable, now he’s giving himself what he’s given me. As much as I’d like to, he won’t get a sympathy vote from me. He’s created a monster himself; now he can deal with it.

In all seriousness, after many lessons learned, I’m now older and wiser. I’m going to be strategic about the existence of anxiety. I won’t waste my breath telling him to fuck off. He won’t leave just because I say so. There’s no competition between myself and my anxiety, only misunderstanding.

I doubt anxiety will ever want to leave me alone. Judging by his track record, he’ll arrive unannounced and knock on my door again when least expected. Rest assured, I won’t kick him out just like that. As I said, the key word here is strategic.

Next time he comes visiting me in his usual signature move, I’ll be around. We’ll play games and have fun together. I’ve got a playhouse for anxiety. Come on in! I’ll be the host, and he’ll be my guest. Coffee or tea, anyone?

Anxiety, I’ve known him long enough to know how he operates. Many people who have gone through their own anxiety attacks and come out of them okay all say one thing that helped them overcome anxiety is acceptance. I totally agree. That’s why I’m not giving my anxiety the convenience (and benefits) of fighting against him. I’ll say it loud and clear: I accept my anxiety without an asterisk mark. No strings attached. No small print.

Anxiety is everywhere. He exists for a reason, but he’s only useful for the “right” reason. Deep down, anxiety is like a security blanket, a comfort zone, trying to protect us from harm even when there’s no visible sign of danger near or far. He’s very judgmental and demanding. But most of all, he just doesn’t know any better.

So, last night I tried to break up with my anxiety. It wasn’t easy for him. After a bit of role-playing, we’ve begun to understand each other better – that’s a step further in the right direction.

After all, he’s just another voice in the head that creates a whirlwind of turmoil inside. That voice is not to be muted but to be listened to and guided back to what is in the present…

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What I Have Learned From Taking The Cold Shower Challenge

Tom Bilyeu was on a podcast talking about one of his daily rituals – having a cold shower. He said it’s helped him reduce his anxiety, a mental illness he’s battled with all his life. Hearing that was like having a light-bulb moment, I thought great! I’m going to give it shot and see what it’ll do to me.

Feeling inspired, I set out this secret goal. I didn’t intend to tell anyone. If I failed or succeeded, no one will know anyway. What’s to lose?

When all is said, what’s next? It all comes down to action, right? When can I start? Hmmm… Maybe tomorrow!

Forget tomorrow! This nagging voice inside kept talking louder and louder like a nuisance: If not now, then when? It’s never. Try it once at least. If I didn’t like it, I can always stop. Deal? Deal! So I agreed. I said to myself: OK, I’m up for it.

Here I was in late March in the Southern Hemisphere. We still had reasonably warm weather (in low 20s Celsius) across Sydney Australia. Autumn in this city is pleasant day and night. But having a cold shower? A crazy idea! It can be too much for this time of the year, don’t you know? – I was in this funny situation, part of me wanting to do it, another part of me trying to talk me out of it.

That’s the thing about getting ready – you will never feel ready. Never ever.

The thought of standing in the shower, having icy cold water all over my body, began to creep into my mind. Do I really want to do it? What am I trying to prove and who am I trying to prove to?

Day One. No grand opening!

It was just like another other day. How do I put it? Undressed, unplanned, unprepared! It’s not an exotic tale. There I was in the middle of the shower space, that one second decision was all it took. I turned on the cold water tap to the full strength. The next thing I knew was the cold water coming down on my body, I stood there, counted from 1 to 10, felt the chill and the excitement, wasn’t thinking anything else. Then I turned it off, towel tried myself. Got the job doe. That was it!

The next day and after, I repeated. As days and weeks went by, I gradually increased my cold shower time from 10 seconds to 1 minute and to full 4 minutes straight! It was insane.

The hardest part? Only the first 3 seconds. There were some swearing words coming out!

To echo the same sentiment felt by Tom Bilyeu’s: It doesn’t get easier every time.

The biggest surprise? I was amazed at just how quickly my body adapted to the changing temperature.

How long will this challenge go on for? As long as it takes. Until I can’t take it anymore.

Approximately 6  weeks later after practicing a consistent day to day cold shower ritual, I got a cold… No matter how much I wanted to continue, my body was telling me, it’s got to stop. So I did.

I realised for my emotional being, I can be as strong and tough as I want to be, but for my physical being, I’m a fragile and vulnerable human being. I should be allowed to be this way, period, no buts. None of us is made of steel. We’re subject to harms and hazards in the environment and everything in there including people (this can be a whole new blog post!). It’s my job to protect my body and give it the best care.

In summary, taking this cold shower challenge was a necessary step for me. It was the homework I had to do before I could proceed to the next level. I just wanted to prove to myself that I can do it, too. It’s no fun putting yourself through an uncomfortable situation but the point is once you come out of it (fears, pains, nerves or whatever) OK, you’ve won the game and gained the new freedom – something no amount of antidepressants or chill pills can give to you.

If I have to reference it to anxiety, then the best way to describe it is the moment right before I turned on the cold water tap, I was always 2 steps away from the shower head, feeling a string of nerves going through my veins. But once the cold water started running, I went tossing away the hesitation, taking 2 steps forward, the nerves disappeared instantly. Then I thought: Is that it? That wasn’t too bad! Half of the time I felt like I was just torturing myself but I must admit it also felt great at the same time. It was weird to have these mixed feelings about it but the truth is I did look forward to my next cold shower experience again and again.

Now my cold is gone, the winter season is here to stay for another 2 months or so. I feel very grateful to have hot water at home whenever I need it. But wait! It’s not over yet. I shall resume my cold shower habit when days get a lot warmer in summer time. By then, I won’t call it a challenge, I’ll call it an enjoyment…

Take care!

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Live In The Moment At A Moment’s Notice

No matter how cynical I am about the modern phenomena and dilemma – information overload, short attention span and time poor, I can’t seem to deny (nor ignore) the fact that they are fast dominating almost all corners of the world. Nevertheless, I believe the ultimate power lies within self – our ability to switch off!

These days the concept of “less is more” serves me reasonably well. Too much talking or attention seeking can be exhausting. Still managed to spare a few hours on this Sunday afternoon to hit the outdoors. Of course, in the company of my fury kid Jamie. We two are like inseparable unity, living in each other’s pockets. Often our language doesn’t require words. Sometimes it’s non-verbal cues that speak loudest.

This walk from Clovelly Beach in Sydney’s eastern suburbs, provided me with a temporary escape from the hustle and bustle of the city life. It was picturesque. After reaching Dunningham Reserve nearby, already there was a good number of people sitting on the grass as if they were waiting for a music festival or some concert to kick off but none of them was even talking.

Interestingly, in unison, they were all showing a sign of peace, contentment and appreciation on their faces – a total contrast to the opposite side Coogee beach. It was strangely powerful. I am not a people watching person but was so intrigued by it that I went to check what was going on. Then I realized they were all in the moment, totally in sync with the surrounds – the sea breeze, sunshine, waves, blue skies etc. It was infectious… Time stood still I didn’t know for how long until Jamie gave me a light twitch, as if he was saying: Hey boss, Enough! it’s time to keep moving. Yes, I got your message Jamie! Let’s go! We walked further up and up, completed the round trip then went home. Simple and good!

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Be A Re-Builder Of Your Life

The most resilient people I’ve come across, they don’t even have time to talk about resilience. What do they do? They smile, they keep their heads down, they work, they get on with life. It’s in their lifestyle, in their daily habit. Sometimes they stay that way because it’s the only way.

Where does resilience come from? Call it coping mechanism if you like. Where is it when you need it most? Does it live in La La land? Perhaps it’s tricking you, leading you on, playing hide and seek with you. Overall, they say resilience is within you. Sure! Very convenient! Always easier said than done. If you’ve come this far and you’re already yawning or rolling your eyes, I don’t blame you. Resilience sounds like a buzzword but is it just another cliché to bore you to sleep?

If you buy into what resilience has to offer, then brace yourself for some good news and bad news. The good news is resilience is something you already have. You don’t need to rely on others to give it to you. The bad news is we often look externally. Only later (rather than sooner), do we realize it wasn’t out there in the first place. Sometimes we just have to learn the hard way.

So, after a rejection, after a failure, after a defeat, after a setback, after a mishap, or after a bad luck, how do you bounce back, regroup yourself and rebuild your life, your relationship, your business, your career, your health or whatever you hold dear?

In September 2006, my former partner and I went travelling to a small town called Khao Lak in Thailand. The first half of the trip was for business – attending an HR conference, hosted by Cisco, the company he worked for then. The second half was for pleasure – touring around Phuket and surrounds.

Unlike Bangkok or Phuket, Khao Lak wasn’t as touristy and crowded. With my limited knowledge, I didn’t really know what to expect before I arrived there. A bit flashback: Khao Lak was one of the areas hit hard by tsunami back in December 2004. Before the trip began, I told myself I’m going to a small village in a developing country, don’t expect too much. It won’t be like living a life on a fast lane that kind of thing.

In case you’re wondering, part of the reason why Khoa Lak (as opposed to other more popular places) was chosen as the conference venue was to inject much-needed capital to the local economy. Because of this idea that we were doing it for a good cause and with good intentions, it’d make the whole trip extra special and meaningful, right? Not exactly! A few individuals weren’t so enthusiastic. I overheard that they felt either reluctant or compelled to stay in a place that was recently devastated by a natural disaster. I guess it is understandable. We’re only humans. After all, the area was declared as a disaster zone. Only less than two years ago, the powerful tsunami came so fast and without warning, it literally wiped out the coastal town within minutes. The catastrophe sadly resulted in thousands of lives lost including the locals and the tourists.

Fears aside. The journey began…

As soon as I set foot in the land, the air, the humidity felt and smelt different. That’s when you realise Wow you’re in a foreign country!

It was a monsoon season I remember clearly and on the day we arrived, there was a heavy rainfall down where we were heading. The wet weather could’ve been a big turn off, but it did nothing to dampen my excitement to be there. I was on a holiday mode! I got plenty of time!

Le Meridien Resort, our conference venue, was more remote and further away than I’d anticipated. From where we got picked up at Phuket International Airport to the resort was about a 2-3 hour trip by car.

Some might’ve thought the transport was such a drag and decided to have a quick nap whereas I quite enjoyed the views along the way. They reminded me very much of the Southern part of Taiwan in the early 70’s, where I spent my childhood on. It was this instant connection that kept me engaged, entertained and wanting more.

It was sightseeing to remember. I saw a woman riding a motorbike in the next lane. She was wearing a helmet and a big yellow raincoat enough to cover herself and her fellow passenger, a little kid sitting in the backseat. With the gusty wind coming from all directions at a 45-degree angle, they got wet all over. But they still carried on as if it was business as usual. I felt very fortunate to be in the comfort of this air-conditioned coach.

Also driving passed us by were a couple of utes with people sitting in the tray uncovered. The rain continued to fall, it soaked through their clothing but there was no sign of Hey, look at me, I’m suffering on their faces. They just held on. To them, it was all in a day’s work.

Upon our arrival at the resort, the hotel staff were very attentive to our needs and enquiries. I’ll never forget the welcoming refreshments served in the lobby. The Thai style drink was my first experience. It was so refreshing that I even requested a re-fill immediately after I’d finished the first glass. I was very impressed with everything. I couldn’t have asked for a better reception – the hospitality of the resort staff, front and back, the meticulous presentation of the resort rooms, facilities and resturants was the first class. Who would’ve guessed that it was nearly ruined by the tsunami less than 2 years ago?

During my one week stay there, I got a chance to speak with a few resort staff about the impacts of the tsunami on their lives. At first, I wasn’t sure if I’d make them uncomfortable, but I wasn’t quite surprised that they weren’t shy away from talking about it. One guy even pointed out to me where the sea water flowed and how high the it went right where we were in the hall.

If what they’d gone through isn’t enough to raise a few eyebrows, then read this. Well into our second week, in the national capital there was a military coup aimed at bringing down the then Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra and the cabinet. The army successfully controlled the government and ordered to shut down the national TV network. I remember that day when we turned on the television, it was all fuzzy, there was no pictures on the screen. The event sent shock wave across the globe and all of sudden we felt like we were cut from the outside world. It didn’t take long before our friends and families learned about the situation we were facing here. Khao Lak, however, far away from where the coup took place, the life was still as peaceful as ever. While we were busy reporting back to our loved ones and say we’re OK, the locals, took it quite casually. They treated it like just another day. To them, the coup wasn’t the first time and certainly won’t be the last. Not everyone copes with stress the same way. For people who have never experienced political unrest or aren’t used to this kind of thing, it can be hard. I know one teammate suffered a mental break down. It was so bad that he had to cut the business trip short and fly back home the next day to be with his family.

Resilience, resilience, resilience. Sounds like a good mantra to have. Where do we start? Or should I say where do we stop? The story of our Khao Lak trip provides a great example – There’s something we can learn about how the locals dealt with the aftermath.

What is it?

Stop the victim mentality! But how? Time to rewind and unwind. The answer lies in the question of: How did you start the victim mentality in the first place? Unpack it, undo it from there. Be more than a survivor, be a re-builder of your life…

Bon voyage!

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Smell A Bad Influence? Just Follow Your Nose!

The nose knows it first. But before you realize it, you’re already in it.

The nose is a sensitive organ. Among all five senses, the nose is the first to detect what’s around us when we wake up in the morning. So acute and complex, in times like the cold and flu season, we’re prone to catch the tiny bad viruses that are spreading around. Once we breathe them in, they can stir up our immune system, cause an infection to our body and make us sick for days. When it comes to protecting physical health, we know we should keep our hands clean and avoid coming into contact with those harmful viruses. But when it comes to safeguarding emotional well-being, what should we put on a watch list?

Speaking of smell, I’m not particularly a big fan for strong perfume, no matter how expensive or how exclusive the brand is. When it gets too much, it becomes like a pest, a nuisance. Other people may have a different take on that but that’s OK.

This morning, just like any other mornings, when I got out of the door, I smelled the same type of perfume in the air. It was very much in-your-face. So overpowering that it lingered around the complex and even all the way down to the street level, roughly some 150 meters away from my place. There was really no one to be seen at that time except a few cars driving passed. Thankfully, the scent (or smell I’d rather call it) started to subside before I headed to the main road where the bus stop was. Again, I was amazed (and slightly annoyed) by just how far the fragrance could travel. As to who might’ve been the carrier (or offender), I’m afraid it’ll probably be a mystery forever.

Imagine, a bad influence is like bad smell in disguise. To elaborate, I’ll reference a former colleague of mine at Fairfax Media, Sydney – Rose. She’s one of most outspoken people, a don’t-talk-shit-to-me friend I’ve come across. We gelled very well on many levels, both professionally and personally. She often shared some important lessons in life with me during our chitchat moments at work. One that stood out most and something she said repeatedly was: Ted, negative people are a bad influence, they’re like bed smell, you’d better run away from them, or they’ll drag you down and make you part of their tribe, well before you have time to escape. Point-blank, plain and simple. Well said and point taken!

How far can a bad influence go? Just the other night, I was watching a presentation on YouTube, The Surprising Power of Small Habits given by James Clear. He’s the author of a best-selling book Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones. It was quite refreshing to hear many valid points he raised and one that struck me more than anything else was when he said: “the people that we surround ourselves with dictate our habits and behaviour even if they’re not physically by us.” Isn’t that scary? Time for a reality check.

Whether it’s like attracts like or opposites attract, whichever the law of attraction you buy into, somewhere along the line, we all can be influenced by each other in either a positive or negative way. Here’s a typical case of a bad influence. I used to know someone who swore a lot when driving, especially in a lousy traffic condition. At first, I thought he was a bit over-reacting. Funnily enough, over time I found myself doing the same thing as he did. I’d be in my driver’s seat showing the bird, shouting four letter words, yelling at those mad drivers on the road. It was contagious indeed. Mind you, that was a long time ago.

So, you think you smell a bad influence somewhere? Or maybe you’ve lived through it or got used to it? Don’t sit there feeling suffocated. You can’t literally hold your breath forever. What can you do about it? The answer is probably under your nose already! Treat it like bad smell! The power is in your legs! Exercise the power of walking away. It doesn’t matter if you were there first. Your welfare is more important. And, if you’re convinced, one thing to remember is, when you’re walking away from a bad influence, you’re in fact walking towards a good influence on the other end…

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Can’t See The Bright Side? Try To See The Light Side!

When asked if you were an animal, what would you rather be? Madonna said she’d rather be a dog. Just to be 100% precise, I think she meant to say a bitch. If the same question in reverse goes to my dog Jamie, I believe he’d most likely say: a comedian.

So, I’ve been on this writing journey for 19 months now. You’ve seen me talk fondly about building life skills and all that. To my amazement, I’ve covered quite a range of serious topics. Have I bored you to tears already? In case I have, well, now to your amusement, I thought I’d change gears and write a different type of blog post this time – a joke, a real one. It’ll serve as a reminder for me that laughter is also an essential part of building life skills.

Telling a joke here is kind of outside my genre I’ve been known for, but hey I’ve also been known for being unpredictable. To be a creative person, the only rule is there’s no rulebook to follow.

I picked the title “Can’t See The Bright Side? Try To See The Light Side!” for a reason. Let’s face it, when shit happens and when you’re in the thick of it, one of the hardest things to do is to stay positive. True? Fair enough, if it’s not possible to see the bright side, why not try to see the light side instead? Laugh at life! Laugh at your problems, laugh at your misfortunes, laugh at your imperfections, even better laugh at yourself!

Speaking of laughter, it’s funny, remember those so-called miracle cream and anti-aging skin care products you see everywhere on the shelves at a super market or some cosmetic counters in a department store? Read the instructions on the package. They all promise to give you a flawless complexion in days or weeks. Use me and I’ll reduce your frown lines, wrinkles, and crow’s feet. But, have you ever noticed that none of them claims to reduce your laugh lines? Very smart indeed. They must’ve had a team of cool copy writers working tirelessly behind the scenes. Most people don’t mind having a bit laugh lines I would say. They are like traces of happy times on the face. Why would we want to get rid of them? If their products were marketed in that direction, it’d seriously turn people off. From miracle cream to miserable cream, why would we want to use something like that?

Enough said, are you ready for the joke? Here it is:

A few years ago, an ex-colleague of mine complained to me about her new smart phone. It kept her up all night as it just couldn’t stop vibrating for no apparent reason. She’d already tried to change the settings herself several times but without success so she came to me for help. “Ted, can you please fix it for me?” She asked. I paused for a few seconds before my cheeky side started to take over. Hmmm… I held it eventually. I didn’t say a word till the next day: Are you sure it was your smart phone?

Funny or not, I hope you had a good laugh and embraced the subtle art of not giving a bark like my dog does. For now, my job is done. I’m moving on. Till next time… Keep on laughing!

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A Leading Follower

So much has been said about leadership. If you step into a bookstore, head over to a business/management section, what would you see? I bet you wouldn’t have any trouble finding books about how to be an effective leader. Funnily enough, I’ve yet to see a book about how to be an effective follower. What does that tell us? Leadership means business! Those publishers aren’t stupid. They don’t waste time and energy on something if they see no demands or popularity for it. Clearly, there’s a huge market for people wanting to cultivate leadership and inject it into their professional life. No one can argue that leadership is one of the highly sought-after skills we admire and look to improve on. Rightly so, but just because you want it, doesn’t mean you can have it if you don’t have what it takes to get there.

Are you a leader material? What if you are not, what does that leave you? Will it say something less about you? Don’t despair!

Well, who wouldn’t want to see their name sitting on the top of an organisational chart? Who wouldn’t want to be in a position of trust, power and authority and have a plenty of staff under him/her? The truth is there’s only limited availability for the leadership or C level executives. If someone must lead, then someone else must follow, right? The question of whether leaders are born or made, it’s highly debatable and will remain so as long as people have different opinions. One thing is for sure though, you need to have a thing about leadership. It’s earned, not given to you automatically.

What if one day you wake up and realize you’ve been barking up the wrong tree? All things considered, you come to this conclusion that you’re better at being a follower than a leader. Is there anything wrong with it? Here’s my awakening moment to share with you.

Last Friday, during a team breakfast just like all other occasions, my CEO presented us with a business update. I knew he wasn’t big on surprises, so I never expected one from him. But right before he finished it, I noticed something intriguing around him. He was holding a few envelops on one hand. The first one got my name on it. I had a few giggles inside. I couldn’t wait to find out if he’d got something for me. Yes, he did. He called my name and gave me a small reward in front of all staff. I was praised for “stepping up to help other team when required.” It was nice to be recognised by him – someone who has the final say in my career progression and pay increases. I was humble and grateful for it. This recognition has re-validated one of my core strengths – the ability to follow directions and execute orders – an essential attribute for a good team player, an effective follower. Right there and then, for the first time, I was totally fine with being a supportive role and proud of it.

Being a people pleaser and a care taker type of person myself, in some way I’m probably destined for becoming a follower, rather than a leader. If leadership isn’t my department, I’m willing to let go of it and pursue something that’s more in line with what’s in my “nature” – followership. In the past, I would’ve seen followership as a flaw in personality traits but now I see it as a different type of character strength. I’d love to be that guy running the show but at the same time, I don’t think I’m thick-skinned enough to be a star in the limelight for too long and too often.

Interestingly, just the other day, I heard someone say on a podcast that a follower is more important than a leader. It gave a lot of food for thought. My bias and favoritism towards leadership was swayed by it much more than I’d like to admit. But deep down I still held that thought – leaders are for the strong people, followers are for the weak people. A very black-and-white thinking. Then today I went to ask someone in a leadership position about which one is more important, I got quite a good insight from him which I’ll summary it below with a touch of my own take on it.

Here’s the thing. Some are more suited for being followers, some are more suited for being leaders. There’s nothing wrong with being a follower if you don’t end up becoming a leader or simply don’t have an appetite for leadership from the start. No matter which role you play, the most important thing is: You play it well and you’re good at what you’re doing…

I’ll call myself a leading follower… You?