Tag: Mental Health

In the past few days I had an uneasy feeling, a mild form of anxiety. Why? My dentist appointment is coming up, my car registration will be due in a month or so and I still have no idea of what my job prospects would look like. Anyway, all sorts of things.

Then the other day, I went back to review those long posts I wrote on Facebook in 2020. It reminded me how shitty the year it was for my life. Compared with now, I must say what I’m anxious about is nothing.

Everyone is a marketer of their public faces. We all try to make ourselves look good on social media. But only when you’re honest with yourself, will those candid words of yours save the day. That’s the power of authentic writing.

In recent months I’ve devoted the bulk of my time to filmmaking. I see it as an extension of my writing journey. It’s addictive. Mind you, it’s not all fun and games.

Some of you probably know I like spending time around nature – beaches and bushes. So it should come as no surprise that the content I’ve created is centred on these settings.

First thing I’ve learned from the filmmaking process is: Nature has its own set of timing. You only get one shot at it. You can’t ask nature to do it again or rehearse each scene over and over. If you missed out the sunset, c’est la vie. Come back next time. Still no guarantee it’ll be smooth sailing going forward.

The second thing I’ve learned is: Unpredictability. No matter how much you’ve prepared and practiced in advance, you can never predict what’s going to happen next. For example, I was in the middle of introduction on the set, then a few seconds later, before I was about to wrap up, a plane was flying over affecting the sound quality. What can you do? Do it again. That’s life!

The third thing I’ve learned is: Bloopers are bound to happen. Unplanned and uncensored. No worries! Have a laugh. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Forget about perfection. Often, in the end it’s those unexpected, unscripted, spontaneous, out-of-nowhere funny moments that become legendary and memorable.

After being my own therapist for a day, what can I say? In a few words, writing and filmmaking have saved me. They are an antidote to my anxiety. Best of all, all natural remedy, repeat as necessary, no prescription required…

It’s very hard to be optimistic about the future. Bad news and more bad news on the way every time we turn on the news channels or browse through the news feeds on social media. To curb the overflow of bad news, I have recently un-followed a couple of news sites. If you have been bombarded by loads of bad news, remember, you do have a choice.

The pandemic restrictions have been going on for months – social distancing, isolation, quarantine, lockdown, curfew and so on. How are we coping? The truth of the matter is: There is only so much we can take. Some have been pushed over the edge and started to show signs of mental health conditions – anxiety and depression. Even when things return to normal one day, the side effects and the aftermath will no doubt take a longer time to heal. Mental illness may will be the next big thing wrecking the world, if it has not already.

No matter how often we have been told to stay apart, we are social animals. No one can avoid all forms of human contacts altogether.

What is going forward for you?

For me, I can not control the uncontrollable. I can not be everywhere to stop people from doing stupid things. But I can be more prepared and take the necessary precautions.

Tomorrow, an inspector will come into my apartment to check the fire alarm as part of annual fire safety inspection.

When I received the inspection notice two weeks ago, I was deeply stirred by it. My anxiety simply went through the roof.

Since then, I have successfully planned out my day and put it into practice most of time. I looked busy and focused on the surface, but beneath it, I was hung up on it. I was still this crazy, anxious guy imagining the worst scenario. What if he is a carrier? What if he brings disease to me? Who knows!

On the eve of tomorrow’s inspection, as I write this, I am a lot calmer. This is how I see it now: It’s all in a day’s work. After the inspector gets the job done, I will be wiping the floor, I will be disinfecting my place, and I will be “normal” again till next time.

Our world has been turned upside down. It has been difficult for everyone. Cut yourself some slack. What if you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel? Stop for a few seconds and think about those who built the tunnel in the first place…

Take care!

When was the last time you went to see a therapist, a counsellor, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a life coach or a personal trainer etc?

Did you feel pumped, refreshed, energized afterwards? How often did you go back to see them again?

Well, these are just questions to set the tone for this post and hopefully get you in serious thinking mode.

We all need a bit help sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with it. But bear in mind when we reach out to professionals and ask for their guidance: Help is not unlimited.

Imagine the next appointment is still 1 or 2 months away:

• What would you do if you find yourself off track or “falling off the wagon”?
• What would be your fall-back plan when no one is there to hold your hands?
• Would you call your friends or family? What if they aren’t readily available for you?

Time to take it in your stride!

There’ll come a time when we turn to ourselves for help. It’s a time to put what we’ve learnt to the test. The knowledge and skills we’ve required all come down to this defining moment. To prove to ourselves that we can get back on our feet on our own. It’s a true testimony to many sessions you’ve attended leading up to this moment of self-reliance! 

Remember, we need to do our “homework” to avoid relapsing into the same old vicious circle. It’s our responsibility.

For me, I’ve adopted a useful technique below to help me steer clear of some trouble spots:

• Review how far you’ve become. Ask yourself, do you honestly want to go back to square one and start all over again?

If the answer is a firm No, I know I’ve made a progress, no matter how small it is.

No one can guarantee the road to recovery. How long will it take? As long as it takes! But before you know it, there’ll come a time when you call someone to cancel the next appointment…

A few years ago, I bumped into an old friend of mine while wandering around Art Gallery of New South Wales, near Sydney Botanical Gardens.

I’ve always loved coming here at lunch time. The airy space, decorated with brilliant art pieces in an ultra-sterile, aesthetic setting. I can’t think of a better place to run into someone than this.

It would’ve been more than 10 years since we last spoke.

We quickly moved to a nearby leather bench, sat down and started talking about life in general.

Contrary to the college environment where she worked as a receptionist in the counselling unit in the early 90’s, she’s become a full-time personal carer. It’s a well-paid job. The money is good. But most importantly, it’s job satisfaction. Can’t complain.

She seemed happy with her new career path, so I didn’t bother asking her why she made such a bold move.

And? Tell me more. What else is new? I asked.

What came as a real shock to me was when she revealed chilling details on someone’s living conditions.

For privacy reason, she withheld all personal information and only touched on the key points anonymously – a resident from one of most affluent suburbs in Sydney.

It was a bit confronting to hear it first-hand from her about someone who’d been imprisoned by their own fears, never left their own home for 10 long years.

Up to that point, I had to take a short break. I briefly peeked over the gallery’s entrance and noticed the beautiful sunshine and blue sky outside. It was so uplifting and inviting. So much so, it was incomprehensible to think that people affected by mental illness, could do such a thing to deprive of their own freedom and avoid going out altogether.

The aftermath of the story was so profound that it left me with a lingering thought that kept me wondering: What can I do in my own little way to make the community we live in a kinder place?

Perhaps we can all start with people around us.

Imagine, if we practice random acts of kindness today and apply them to five people closer to us. If each of these five people also reach out to another five people within their family or social circle, then that’s a five-fold increase in the number of people helped.

So, who are these five people in your life?

Everyone can do it, it all starts with one simple and sincere question: R U OK?

R U OK? is a suicide prevention charity in Australia. Their mission is “to inspire and empower everyone to meaningfully connect with people around them and support anyone struggling with life.”

Following R U OK? Day on 12 September 2014, I came up with this crazy idea: to reach out to strangers and give away those spare R U OK? Biscuits from our office kitchen table.

So, time to walk the walk! During my lunch time that day, I ventured into Sydney’s Botanic Gardens to start off the “promotion”. It was quite a brave move as I’d never done things like that before. Putting my nervousness aside, I thought: Oh well, there’ll always be a first time anyway. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. So what?! If they reject me. They aren’t monsters, they aren’t going to eat me alive.

First, I approached to a gardener who was on a small gardening transport. When he stopped in front of me, I got the opportunity to ask him if he’d like to have a pack of biscuits. He smiled and accepted it. I thought Wow that wasn’t too hard. Feeling rather confident, next I walked up to a lovely middle-aged couple and asked them the same question. They were pleasantly surprised by my random acts of kindness. Yes, they also smiled and accepted it. I thought great, my lucky day, it’s been well received. Time to challenge myself. Shortly after that, I deliberately selected some “hard targets”. What did I get out of it? A few “No, thanks” friendly responses.

As my lunch time was about to run out, I still had 2 packs of biscuits left in my hand. I decided to keep them to myself as a small reward for stepping out my comfort zone.

The next day, I posted this story on my Facebook and said:

I just wanted to spread a bit kindness. 3 people received mine today. If each of them does the same. By next Friday, in just seven days, 3+9+27+81+243+729+2187=3279 people will have received someone’s kindness. It is not hard to make our world a better place!

So, R U OK?

My anxiety has a life of his own. Often, he’s very opinionated, and he doesn’t always listen to me. But guess what?! The tables are about to turn.

Now, he’s devastated. After I decided to break up with him, he’s anxious and worried. Well, he should’ve known better. This is just a little taste of how I felt all those times. Already I can see he’s not coping. Sweet!

He thought he’d have me for life. I thought that too. But last night, I wanted to end a decades-long relationship with him for good. To make the process less complicated, I didn’t even bother telling him what I was planning to do – leaving him.

As clingy as usual, he’s begging me to stay. He says he deserves a second chance. I say, “Sure, fat chance! That’s all you’ll get from me.” Tonight, I’m on my own. Hasta la vista, baby!

Isn’t it funny?! My anxiety gets anxious too. The moment I stop giving a shit about him and what he’s done to me, he starts to freak out like there’s no tomorrow. “Are you threatening to walk out on my life?” You bet, honey.

Anxiety, over the years, has given me nothing but…

• The worst-case scenarios
• The black-and-white thought pattern
• The all-or-nothing mindset
• False alarms
• The distorted belief system

It’s so laughable, now he’s giving himself what he’s given me. As much as I’d like to, he won’t get a sympathy vote from me. He’s created a monster himself; now he can deal with it.

In all seriousness, after many lessons learned, I’m now older and wiser. I’m going to be strategic about the existence of anxiety. I won’t waste my breath telling him to fuck off. He won’t leave just because I say so. There’s no competition between myself and my anxiety, only misunderstanding.

I doubt anxiety will ever want to leave me alone. Judging by his track record, he’ll arrive unannounced and knock on my door again when least expected. Rest assured, I won’t kick him out just like that. As I said, the key word here is strategic.

Next time he comes visiting me in his usual signature move, I’ll be around. We’ll play games and have fun together. I’ve got a playhouse for anxiety. Come on in! I’ll be the host, and he’ll be my guest. Coffee or tea, anyone?

Anxiety, I’ve known him long enough to know how he operates. Many people who have gone through their own anxiety attacks and come out of them okay all say one thing that helped them overcome anxiety is acceptance. I totally agree. That’s why I’m not giving my anxiety the convenience (and benefits) of fighting against him. I’ll say it loud and clear: I accept my anxiety without an asterisk mark. No strings attached. No small print.

Anxiety is everywhere. He exists for a reason, but he’s only useful for the “right” reason. Deep down, anxiety is like a security blanket, a comfort zone, trying to protect us from harm even when there’s no visible sign of danger near or far. He’s very judgmental and demanding. But most of all, he just doesn’t know any better.

So, last night I tried to break up with my anxiety. It wasn’t easy for him. After a bit of role-playing, we’ve begun to understand each other better – that’s a step further in the right direction.

After all, he’s just another voice in the head that creates a whirlwind of turmoil inside. That voice is not to be muted but to be listened to and guided back to what is in the present…

Do you dread changes? Who can avoid changes? Seasons change, things change, people change, businesses change. People come and people go. The truth is no two days are the same.

As our situations continue to fluctuate, it’s quite scary to think that what we have today may well run away from us tomorrow. Whether we’re the ones who call the shots or not, there’ll bound to be a time when life unfavourably turns upside down or decides to go its own separate way. Unfortunate life events like a relationship break-up, a redundancy, a health scare etc. can mess up with our mental health and affect our outlook on life. Remember when last time it happened? How did you cope with it? Did it seem like forever? Did you see it as the end of a chapter or the end of the world? How did you finally get out of it?

Personally, I’m easy to fall prey to that black-and-white thinking pattern and get myself into a position where I see no light at the end of tunnel. Does it sound all too familiar? I don’t think I’m alone in this. Looking back at my past troubles, I remember how I sat on the floor in my living room thinking if I can go on another day, another night. It’s funny now I’m speaking in the present (continuous) tense, I can be quite casual about it. Yes, I did go on another day, another night but not without struggles.

What comes to your mind when you hear the word struggle? For me, I automatically associate it with the grieving process. The grieving process sounds heavy but he isn’t a bad boy by any definition. He just needs you to honour him and give some attention to his crying out loud voice. That’s all he asks for. We know that process is unarguably painful but utterly necessary for survival and recovery even though we don’t want to admit it. The best analogy I can use is it’s like you get a severe sunburn, the aftermath is the skin is trying to shed its old layer before the new layer has a chance to grow.

Here I am writing this post to tell the world that it’s the end of a chapter, not the end of the world. I’m sure if you’ve been there and done that, then you’ll know it’s true. You’ll also agree that the grieving process is part of the package, therefore it should be respected, not be played down or ridiculed by any means. It’s OK we all do it differently in the process. Looking at people around me, a colleague of mine was made redundant last week. As soon as he was told to leave, he became quite upset and withdrawn. At the end, he chose to go quietly and that was his way of “coming to terms” with the reality. Then, another colleague of mine is in the transition of getting divorced. For months she’s handled her relationship breakup like “it’s a business as usual”, so well that none of us in the office has noticed anything unusual about her broken marriage. She’s just one of those people that doesn’t like to show vulnerability in public. Two different people, two different reactions. No big deal. As much as we’d like to help people in their grieving process, they need time and space, not words full of cliché like “life goes on” or “you’ll be fine”. They won’t be taken in seriously because it’s meaningless.

As we finish off one chapter and prepare to step into the next chapter whether it’s a new job or a new relationship, what we’ll carry over is a new set of standards or better quality control so to speak. From there, things start to look up and I’ve seen evidence of successful transformation in numerous cases among my friends and ex coworkers. As for me, one thing I’ve learned in my own grieving process is the notion of expect the unexpected. Whether there’s something pleasant or unpleasant in store, with a “no expectations” mindset, it does get easier, come what may. It’s not about lowering the standards, it’s about not being controlled by the uncontrollable.

Now this post is about to draw to a close. Yes, all posts must come to an end. I thought I’d include a photo of a beautiful sunset over Sydney Harbour taken by myself, with a narrative: The reason why people keep falling in love with sunset is because it doesn’t last… Tomorrow, there’ll be a sunrise, a new chapter. Watch this space!

Thanks for reading. Catch ya in the next post soon!