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Do You Need A Label To Feel Validated?

What’s your label? Is it really yours?

Miran, I met her through an ex-partner of mine in the summer of 2006. At that time, they both still worked in the HR department @ Cisco Systems Australia in Sydney. Long story short, I ran into Miran again a few years later. A small world! Back then she was renting a place in my block so literally she became my neighbour ever since. If you’ve been reading my blog, she was the person I mentioned about on my second post titled “A Winning Attitude As A Catalyst for Change”. We hit it off straight away second time round. It seemed that we had tons of stuff to talk about. We could go on for hours, especially on the topics of life, career and relationships. This story I’m going to share here had a profound impact on me.

Miran grew up in a so-called average family in South Korea, not rich, not poor either. Life couldn’t have been more ordinary in her youth. However, things started to change on the day her mother remarried to a successful man, a solicitor magnate. Consequently, she was no longer just someone’s daughter, she was a solicitor magnate’s daughter – giving her privileges she would’ve never dreamed of, such as a golf membership and other events or functions that we’d normally associate with rich and famous people in an affluent area or those hold a higher socioeconomic status. With an uplift in her living condition and identity, came a shift in how people viewed her as a person. In her own admission, people started to pay close attention when she spoke – something that she had rarely experienced before her mother’s second marriage. It was so obvious that it didn’t take long for her to realize that her ever increasing popularity had something to do with her stepfather’s success.

Many years have passed, armed with a postgraduate degree in Change Management from UNSW and an amazing career under her belt, she’s made a name for herself but never for once acted like she is somebody. The “label” she is wearing is something of her very own.

Everyone wears a label. Having a right one, you will get your foot in the door or get a head start somewhere. That said, if you have humble beginnings, that’s OK. No big deal. After all, what really fascinates and inspires us and ultimately gets our attention and validation is a win achieved by the least unexpected – an underdog…

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Look After Number One

How do you keep a work-life balance? What about when you are unwell? Which side will you be leaning towards?

Winter is just around the corner in the southern hemisphere. With colder months ahead, there’s no better time than now to do something to get the immune system up and keep the cold and flu at bay. After catching a bad cold in October 2017 that lasted for a month – the longest I could remember, I decided to get a flu shot this year to protect myself against 4 major types of flu viruses. It may sound like a simple, logical move to some but to me – not a fan for needles and this type of immunisation, I needed to do my homework before I could convince myself and get past that mental block.

The flu fact sheet at hand was my first point of reference. It had some invaluable information and a useful Q and A section. After reading it, I no longer had any doubts. The next thing I knew, I was rolling up my sleeve and ready for the flu vaccination. A few seconds later, the nurse smiled and said: done. It was that quick and that easy. A small step but it set the tone for the next thing to come – number one.

Looking around, recently my manager has taken some time off from work to look after his dad who’s been in and out of hospital since suffering an unforeseen heart problem. When possible, he’d still come in to work for half of a day or so then leave in the afternoon to see his dad during the visitor time. While he’s tried to keep the disruption to a minimal, he’s clearly demonstrated the importance of looking out for number one and getting the priorities right, guilt free. When he was away, it was business as usual. The team still pulled together to get the job done, seemingly unaffected by his absence.

The notion of number one was a bit challenge for me. All because I was someone who used to believing that taking sick leave was for the weak, a sign of weakness. No longer! No one is made of steel, people do get sick and our bodies need time and space to recover from illness and avoid passing it on to others if contagious.

So, number one has been said, next, what is number two? – A notice I sent to my manger to tell him that I’m due for a couple of medical appointments in the following two weeks… Take care!

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It’s Not Strange To Talk To Strangers, Sometimes

Does the idea of talking to strangers appeal to you? I understand it’s probably not everyone’s cup of tea but we don’t have to avoid it at all costs either.

Recently I’ve stepped out my comfort zone and started to make small talk with a selected range of strangers in public. It’s a mixed bag – both exhilarating and intimidating.

You can expect it’d be a lot easier if you have a dog with you. I’ve seen how quickly people drop their guard and come for a chat. My dog (Jamie) is way more popular than me. I don’t deny it. He draws lots of attention wherever he goes. Why wouldn’t he? A cutie like him. I can learn so much from his natural charisma.

Not surprisingly, the more comfortable you are with who you are, the more natural the interaction will flow through between you and a stranger. Personally, to reach that level of comfort and authenticity in front of someone you’ve never met and spoken with, it requires some mental preparation to begin with. I generally start it off by having a rough draft in my head, typically a very short sentence/question, then 123 I just dive straight into it. Then just let the nature takes its own course. It’s a matter of relying on my intuitions and spontaneity. Whatever comes out of it, it’s meant to be that way.

I admit I get cold feet at times particularly when I’m not sure if my unsolicited approach will be well-received. What would they think of me? Would they think I’m a freak or a weirdo?What if I get rejected? However most of my experiences so far have been pleasant.

I’ve chatted with people from other floors, overseas tourists, sales clerks at a department store, a commuter at the same bus stop, a pub manager, a construction worker, a surveyor, a drone pilot assistant, a film director to name just a few. Overall, strangers aren’t that scary. Almost everyone has a story to tell and to share.

The common denominator that I’ve found is that people appreciate the fact that you tell it like it is and aren’t trying to impose something on them, be it an idea, a concept, an ideology, a belief, a view or a product. The less judgmental and opinionated you are, the better you are reciprocated, even if you appear a bit lost, shaky, nervous, vulnerable or curious.

They say stranger are just friends you haven’t met yet. I can relate to it. The beauty of talking to strangers is you’ll probably never meet them again…

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Learn Things The Hard Way

I’ve recently resumed my lunch time activity – walk. Barangaroo Reserve is my new favourite place to go out and about and stretch my legs around Sydney CBD. It has everything I wanted – quiet, convenient and clean. One mid afternoon last week, I decided to explore the area again, on foot at my own leisure pace of course. I don’t run. It was after 2 PM, that time of the day most workers in the city would’ve finished their lunch and gone back to their offices already. With that in mind, I was looking forward to being outside in a less crowded space on this autumn sunny day.

On my way, I saw a woman on a pavement, standing right next to a street rubbish bin, with a cigarette on one hand, looking rather stressed out. The effects of nicotine didn’t seem enough to take away a deep frown, a serious look on her face. She was just a normal person smoking legally in an open public space during her break. There was nothing out of ordinary about it. Well, it didn’t strike me at first glance but it did only a few seconds later when I noticed the size of her tummy. I thought: Are you for real? You are pregnant and you are smoking! Why?! Being disturbed by what I’d just seen, I felt compelled to walk up to her and tell her to stop. But then I thought: Who am I to judge her? What if she’s a bit overweight, not really pregnant? I have no connection to this person anyway. So, I resisted it, walked away and continued on my own business.

More than an hour later, walking on my way back, I happened to see the same woman again on the same spot doing exactly the same thing – smoking her second cigarette in a matter of one hour. This time round I had an even stronger urge to tell her to “do the right thing” but I decided to stay silent and leave her alone.

When I took a moment to reflect on this, I wondered if there was something I could’ve done better or more. I concluded: No. The beauty of being an adult is we make our own decisions and choices but inevitably we also take our own responsibility. As much as we’d like to help others, and save them from going astray, it’s sad but true and like it or not, some people have to learn things the hard way…

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Ask Questions In Reverse

Just thought I’d say hi to a friend who hadn’t been around on Facebook for a while. His last post was as far as December 2017. So, I wanted to check on him and make sure he’s in a right place both mentally and physically.

The first thing that popped up in my head was to ask him: How’s life treating you? A question like this wouldn’t have been anything out of ordinary, but we’re both creative people (he’s a singer and a song writer) and particularly myself a strong advocate in empowerment, I thought I’d better come up with something different or unconventional. I paused for a few seconds, then right at that moment the thought that crossed my mind was: why don’t I put the question in reverse? How are you treating life? a new powerful question was born from there.

It was amazing how quickly it transformed my mindset when I shifted gears. For the first time in a long while, it felt like I was in the driving seat, I was the one in charge of the life’s ups and downs. Funnily enough, I only meant to write a how are you, a short catch-up message to a friend, but unexpectedly it ended up an opportunity for me to review my attitude towards life, from an opposite angle.

I sent him a message shortly before this post and yes I did ask that question: How have you been treating life? and all that. Deep down I wouldn’t expect a fast response after all he did say he’s signing out a bit and keeping a low-profile on the social media front. In fact, it’d be entirely fine by me if I don’t hear from him for days or even weeks or months. The truth is I know he’s been busy treating life as it comes. I just wanted to say: Thank you for inspiring me my friend. Keep living your dreams…

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Things I Can’t Walk Away From

Due to a chain of events, I decided to call it a day and cancel my website “Withstand It”. It was still a milestone considering I’d published 32 posts since launched in November 2017 and I’m not comparing the number with anyone else but myself. A combination of reasons prompted me to shut it down but it was never about me getting tired of it or a matter of novelty wearing off, rather it was because I realized I’d exhausted the concept of “Withstand It” and it was about time for me to move on to the next project and the next chapter – the new website “Ted Tsai Writing” as you see now. The fact that there was still 6 months to go before my subscription expired, didn’t seem to bother me not in the slightest. I was determined to let go of it and do it straight away.

I thought I’d take a longer break before re-entering into the world of blogging but obviously I didn’t. During my time off, I had a few quiet moments to myself to reflect on things I was missing most and what I could learn from the first blogging experience. It became quite clear to me that I simply couldn’t walk away from my passion for writing, thanks largely to my over-thinking brain. Following this came a realization that my obsession with the stats and the readership had taken a toll on me. The notion of getting hung up by the number of views and likes completely defeated the purpose of why I set up “Withstand It” in the first place. All these added up to a quick decision to make a change.

The old posts from “Withstand It” are kept here for a reason – a reminder of how I started this journey as a naïve blogger. Having them incorporated into this new website “Ted Tsai Writing”, gives me a sense of freedom and a bigger purpose. I’ll stick around for the joy of writing. It’s not intended to be the Do’s and Don’ts rule book for anyone but instead it’s a place for me to document and interpret the complexity and richness of life and how it can bring out the best or the worst in us, then finish it off with a touch of empowerment – in my trademark writing style. If it resonates well with readers and they reciprocate it in any way overt or covert, then I know I’m not alone and so do they…

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Withstand It. The Domain Name Says It All

What to call my domain name? Thinking thinking thinking…

Among a sea of many powerful words, “stand” first came to mind then it eventually led to “withstand”. Coincidentally, it was also Word of the Day on the Cambridge Dictionary site. The sign couldn’t have been clearer. “Withstand It”. That is it!

As I wanted to create a platform for me to write something about life and what it has taught me over the years, naturally, the domain name must carry a concept that I’ve always believed in. “Withstand It” fits perfectly in all categories.

So where do I “stand”? I’m here to spread the word – words of encouragement, words of confidence, words of empowerment and hopefully through word of mouth, I have done something in such a way that inspires readers to awaken the strength within and develop life skills that withstand the test of time (a work in progress)…