Oh you human beings are so complicated.
When are you going to learn the subtle art of not giving a bark? It’s not that hard, is it?
Jamie’s Poetry 2
Jamie’s Poetry 1
Life is more simple when you’re a dog.
You see, I don’t give people a like, I give them a lick. If they don’t like it, I give them the flick…
Having A Bad Day? It Doesn’t Matter!
I like the moment when I’m about to open the front door every night after work.
Seeing the excitement on Jamie’s face, I know no matter how shitty the day has been, right at that moment, it just doesn’t matter any more…
Why We Need To Help Ourselves
When was the last time you went to see a therapist, a counsellor, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a life coach or a personal trainer etc?
Did you feel pumped, refreshed, energized afterwards? How often did you go back to see them again?
Well, these are just questions to set the tone for this post and hopefully get you in serious thinking mode.
We all need a bit help sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with it. But bear in mind when we reach out to professionals and ask for their guidance: Help is not unlimited.
Imagine the next appointment is still 1 or 2 months away:
- What would you do if you find yourself off track or “falling off the wagon”?
- What would be your fall-back plan when no one is there to hold your hands?
- Would you call your friends or family? What if they aren’t readily available for you?
Time to take it in your stride!
There’ll come a time when we turn to ourselves for help. It’s a time to put what we’ve learnt to the test. The knowledge and skills we’ve required all come down to this defining moment. To prove to ourselves that we can get back on our feet on our own. It’s a true testimony to many sessions you’ve attended leading up to this moment of self-reliance!
Remember, we need to do our “homework” to avoid relapsing into the same old vicious circle. It’s our responsibility.
For me, I’ve adopted a useful technique below to help me steer clear of some trouble spots:
- Review how far you’ve become. Ask yourself, do you honestly want to go back to square one and start all over again?
If the answer is a firm No, I know I’ve made a progress, no matter how small it is.
No one can guarantee the road to recovery. How long will it take? As long as it takes! But before you know it, there’ll come a time when you call someone to cancel the next appointment…
Will You Practice Random Acts Of Kindness Today?
A few years ago, I bumped into an old friend of mine while wandering around Art Gallery of New South Wales, near Sydney Botanical Gardens.
I’ve always loved coming here at lunch time. The airy space, decorated with brilliant art pieces in an ultra-sterile, aesthetic setting. I can’t think of a better place to run into someone than this.
It would’ve been more than 10 years since we last spoke.
We quickly moved to a nearby leather bench, sat down and started talking about life in general.
Contrary to the college environment where she worked as a receptionist in the counselling unit in the early 90’s, she’s become a full-time personal carer. It’s a well-paid job. The money is good. But most importantly, it’s job satisfaction. Can’t complain.
She seemed happy with her new career path, so I didn’t bother asking her why she made such a bold move.
And? Tell me more. What else is new? I asked.
What came as a real shock to me was when she revealed chilling details on someone’s living conditions.
For privacy reason, she withheld all personal information and only touched on the key points anonymously – a resident from one of most affluent suburbs in Sydney.
It was a bit confronting to hear it first-hand from her about someone who’d been imprisoned by their own fears, never left their own home for 10 long years.
Up to that point, I had to take a short break. I briefly peeked over the gallery’s entrance and noticed the beautiful sunshine and blue sky outside. It was so uplifting and inviting. So much so, it was incomprehensible to think that people affected by mental illness, could do such a thing to deprive of their own freedom and avoid going out altogether.
The aftermath of the story was so profound that it left me with a lingering thought that kept me wondering: What can I do in my own little way to make the community we live in a kinder place?
Perhaps we can all start with people around us.
Imagine, if we practice random acts of kindness today and apply them to five people closer to us. If each of these five people also reach out to another five people within their family or social circle, then that’s a five-fold increase in the number of people helped.
So, who are these five people in your life?
Why Should I Be Grateful Even When Shit Happens?
You think you’re safe just because you don’t look for trouble? Think again! The trouble is… trouble will find you.
Yes, people stuff up, systems break down. Just another form of drama you don’t need but it pops up anyway. That’s life! Yes, shit happens. It stinks. It happens faster than you think. It happens faster than you can prepare for.
The setting: After a week long break, Sunday night it was me sitting in the bathtub trying to fix a broken tap.
A few hours passed, there was still no sign of progress. It became quite clear that it was going to be a long night. The thought of it just added more pressure to what already a stressful situation.
What about tomorrow? I had to go to work. My heart sunk as I started to feel more agitated and tense. Then came the infamous line: Why did it even happen? Why now? Why me?! – I lamented as I watch the clock ticking.
Well into the evening, out of desperation I called my brother for assistance. I also rang my electrician to see if he knows any good plumbers around. In between, I also did a bit Google Search trying to learn some quick DIY tips. Lastly, I called my boss and told him that I can’t make it tomorrow.
3 AM in the morning, I was still awake, still dealing with the same problem. I sat on the floor looking at the mess, I thought: Why should I feel grateful even when shit happens?
My Sunday night was ruined. I had to take a day off work. I still had to figure out what to do. There was no guarantee the situation would improve the next day.
I closed my eyes, took a step back and allowed myself to sink in a bit. A sense of gratitude started to emerge out of nowhere…
- Who was there to open the door to see me at mid night – my brother.
- Who was there to answer my call outside trading hours on Sunday evening – my electrician.
- Who was there to tell me it’s OK, not to worry if I can’t come to work tomorrow – my boss.
- Who was there to sit quietly and let me work on the issue alone – my dog.
Why should I be grateful even when shit happens? I’ve pretty much answered my own question…
Ted’s Quote 15
Thoughts can be your enemy. Thoughts can also be your ally.
Our thoughts may not be disposable. But our thoughts are definitely replaceable.
If a thought is working against rather than for you, what are you going to recycle it with? Ted Tsai
How To Get Rid Of Negative Thinking?
Let’s face it. Even with good intentions, we all think negatively sometimes. Beating yourself up when you think in a negative way? It’s not going to bring you any positive outcome. So, what’s the point?
The key thing is to find ways of transforming the thinking pattern so that it doesn’t eat up the rest of your day. But how?
In September last year, I happened to see Dr Karl Kruszelnicki at Dymocks city bookstore on a book-signing event, for his latest book entitled: Karl, The Universe and Everything.
I’ve always been drawn by his wit and in-depth knowledge of many things – good, bad, beautiful and ugly. Sometimes even stuff you feel shy, embarrassed or ashamed to talk about, he writes about it.
Out of curiosity, I went to pick up one copy and had a quick browse while there. One chapter called Earworm really struck me.
I was fascinated by the well-researched information, particularly some good tips on how to get rid of earworms. To my surprise, chewing gum is said to be the most effective way to date.
If you don’t know what earworm means, according to Cambridge Dictionary, it means a song that you keep hearing in your head.
In my previous experience, an annoying song (I won’t name it here) was playing in my head again and again. It was spinning like a broken record, just driving me insane. It happened while I was out and about around a beach. All up, it lasted two hours.
How did I stop it eventually? As soon as I got home, I turned on my stereo and played one of my favourite songs on repeat. It was an instant cure! A gentle and effective way to kill an earworm, with no side effects! Of course, that song I played didn’t become another earworm. Even if it had, it wouldn’t have bothered me.
Well, that’s not the end of the story. To satisfy my inquiring mind, I wanted to know more. I wanted to find out if there’s a correlation between negative thoughts and earworms.
What if we start treating negative thoughts like earworms? Try chewing gum? Will playing my favourite 80’s songs help? Interesting huh? Well, that’ll be my next project. Watch this space.
For now, I’m going to leave you with something to chew on here. Till next time, stay tuned!
Ted’s Quote 14
Failure shouldn’t be a dirty word, but we treat it like one.
If success is a commodity, then failure is the currency. After crunching the numbers, I realized you simply can’t trade success without failure.
In the process, no money laundry is required… Ted Tsai
It’s Give And Take, Not Take And Give
Undeniably, many of us want to be treated like a special person. The question is what does it take to be one? Or I should really say what do you have to give to be one?
Not boasting here but believe it or not, I often get VIP treatment from retail stores. Things like freebies, samples and discounted items. What’s the secret?
There’s a bit psychology behind it. It’s about building a close relationship with the sales person you are dealing with.
Sounds a little too vague or too broad? In fact, it really all boils down to making the other person feel as special as you want yourself to be.
The starting point is to go out of your way to create a memorable experience. For me, it’s:
- Being present
- Showing interest in the person first
- Showing desire for their products
Say I’m in a shop and have been hovering around a merchandise for an extended period. This generally sends out a strong message to the shop that I want to buy something from them.
In turn, it’s an open opportunity for them to approach me and remember my face as a customer. If we interact and connect well on a personal level and I really like the goods, then I may take it straight away without making a fuss.
Later If I have a chance to go back to the shop on a second or third visit, I’ll look for the same sales person who served me in the first place, just to say hello and make small talk. My typical opening line is: Hey, do you remember me? I was here last time. I bought this and that…
As a returning customer, it’s amazing how people reward you for your continuous support especially if you have the big buying power. They may give you a complimentary gift in return. Of course, if you ask nicely, they’ll also be happy to offer you a special discount or throw in an extra for free. This has worked for me 9 out of 10 times. But buyer beware! Be prepared to walk away when it doesn’t work for you. There’re plenty more fish in the sea.
If I can sum up in just a few words:
- Building the loyalty before you establish your royalty.
Lastly, never take their kindness or generosity for granted. The moment you stop showing appreciation, it’s also the time you give your power away and potentially lose the VIP status. After all, in a particular order, it’s a matter of give and take, not take and give…
Ted Tsai 