Tag: Life

When I first studied English as a 12-year-old school boy, I fell in love with the language straight away. Even to this day, the richness and the versatility of the language continue to fascinate me. The scope of what words can do really goes beyond imagination.

There’re many types of greetings in English, a typical textbook example often goes something like this:

Person A: How are you?

Person B: I’m good. Thanks, and you?

Person A: I’m good, too. Thanks.

Well, that’s pretty much the end of a conversation.

Of course, many real life conversations don’t always follow this pattern. They flow differently depending on the situations but more or less they all work along the same lines of “How are you?”.

In the very beginning, I was only a kid trying to figure out the massive grammar rules and all that. Relatively new to the English-speaking world (or the West as you may call it), I’d always thought “How are you?” was a meaningful question. But very soon I realized that no one seemed to take the question literally or seriously. Most of us were happy to take it and leave it – we gave a quick answer, then we moved on.

It’s not an overstatement to say that “How are you?” is the all-time most frequently used and abused cliché. There’s some everyday evidence to back it up. But I don’t want it to just end there.

Where do we go from here?

I truly believe “How are you?” needs a bit more personal attention or TLC. It’s a question not to be taken too lightly. After all, we are talking about our states of mind, aren’t we?

To delve into the world of “How are you?”, it’s a greeting that has power to change someone’s day, for better. If we mean it like we should, then it deserves a few more seconds of our time. A little bit patience goes a long way. It’s not hard to just stop, listen and wait for the answer before we end a conversation and go about our business.

Of course, not all human interactions warrant a high level of attention and that’s when more causal greetings come in like “hi” “good morning/afternoon/evening” etc. It’s simple, friendly, carefree, apt and to the point.

To a further extent, a great Australian charity organisation like R U OK? has been at the forefront of advocating a suicide prevention through life-changing conversations. With a question like Are you OK? as a starting point, it aims to re-write and re-define how we respond to this age-old question and help alleviate the stigma around not feeling OK or depression. This is a movement that gives much needed weight to this simple question.

While not everyone always wants to talk about their issues, it’s nice to know that people do care to listen… So, How are you?

Passion passion passion… What is your passion? What are you passionate about? This buzzword is just about everywhere.

If you’re a job seeker, chances are you’ll come across passion-related questions at job interviews. What are you going to say about it if you’re asked?

You might’ve already heard it a lot on some popular podcasts or read it from many social media post feeds etc. Topics about passion never stop to follow us around.

Should we declare that passion is now officially a cliché?

Passion, so overly used and abused that our brain literally has become desensitised. Don’t blame ourselves if we’ve already lost our way even before we set out to discover it.

Is it about time to take a step back and re-think about our obsession with passion?

It seems that the harder we try to chase our passion, the further we push it away. Time and time again we end up feeling frustrated and defeated even more.

When desperation comes into play, what does it leave us? Or maybe I should say where does it take us? Well, It moves us further away from our goals. It backfires.

For me, the last time I was in desperate need of finding my passion was when I was made redundant in October 2011 from a company that I had been with for 11 years.

Did I find my passion? No, but fortunately I did land a few jobs here and there. Whether I decided to stay, that’s another thing.

In hindsight, now I know the reason why I didn’t find my passion. The mistake I made was I tried to turn it into a money-making machine. By doing so, I lost track of what passion is all about – it is something you volunteer to do and enjoy doing, even without getting paid for it. Great if you have opportunities to monetize it down the road, but still OK if it doesn’t give you a short-term financial reward.

So, where is a good place to start if you aren’t there yet?

Try a bookstore! Remember the last time? Which aisle did you go to first when you walked in to a bookstore (either online or a retail store)?

In my case, I found myself hovering around the art/design, writing reference, business and health sections a lot. It’s a good indication, isn’t it?

I know I’ve grown and cultivated a newfound passion and I’m willing to do it for free. The trick is how to take the pressure off. The same answer I keep coming up with is: I don’t need to be good at it but I need to be good at doing it often…

 

Australia has long been regarded as The Lucky Country – a land of opportunities and a fair-go for all. The reality is we aren’t immune to all sorts of adversities, hardships, issues and problems like the rest of the world.

At the time of facing an uncertainty, I often experience a mild form of anxiety. It’s just part of the package called life. Perhaps it’s my fighting spirit or my survival instinct, I don’t allow myself to go astray. When I’m trying to re-group myself, two questions I ask myself are:

1. Who’s got the most unrelenting quality to deal with unpredictability in life? And
2. Who can I draw an inspiration from to help me get through the rough patch?

Well, we all need to eat, don’t we?! Perhaps diving into where food comes from is a good way to start. This is how the story goes…

One Saturday morning when I was sorting out my groceries, I was very much captivated by the colourful fruit and veggies – blue berries, strawberries, apples, grapes, cherry tomatoes, potatoes, cucumbers, broccoli, yellow squash, you name it. Nothing brightens up my weekend like the fresh produce.

As I put them away in the fridge, I started to think of those hard-working people behind the scenes – growers I’ve never met.

To me, the abundance of food is always within easy reach, readily available at supermarkets. Whatever we need, just put them in trolley, go to a checkout counter and pay, then the job is done. Whereas, to growers, their crop is at the mercy of weather conditions every day of the year. Too much rain, too little rain or no rain at all can throw their livelihood into disarray.

What do they do when the weather turns ugly? What do they do when the drought hits? What do they do when the crop is ruined by an unforeseen calamity?

Do they grin and bear it, get back up and try again? Or do they just say “tough”, “why me?” and give up?

What do growers do to stay resilient, viable and competitive?

You bet! They’ve given me plenty of food for thought…

Buying birthday presents for some people isn’t always easy. Not because they are hard to please but because they seem to have “everything” already. Do they really need more stuff to be added to their rooms?

When the vice president of my previous company came to visit our team from the Asia Pacific headquarters in Singapore, we all wanted to put our best foot forward and make a good impression. During his short stay in Sydney, one day he came to our area and asked some of us: Tell me what gift should I buy for my mum’s birthday?

It was a question that left many of us scratching our heads. There was a long pause before we started to give out our well-thought of answers among us. It did feel like a competition. Everyone thought their idea was the most brilliant, the smartest, everyone wanted to look good in front of the big boss. Who came out on top at the end?

One by one, none of us seemed to be able to come up with something good enough to be taken seriously. Then Ricky – the usual quiet co-worker, the keep-his-head-down, the stay-at-the-corner and the work-his-butt-off type of guy suddenly burst out. He said this in a very convincing tone: How about sponsoring a child that was also born on the same day as your mum?

The rest of us kind of went silent. Why? Because we knew he nailed it. No one could beat him.

Later that day, the vice president came back looking happy and relaxed. We all realised he’d taken Ricky’s idea on board. There he was, holding a World Vision child sponsorship application form he completed on behalf of his mum. The smile was written all over his face. It’d make a wonderful birthday gift for his mum and a brighter future for a child she sponsored…

Time flies. It’s already October. Before we know it, it’ll be 2020! As the festive season is fast approaching, how do you celebrate?

Do you go with the flow? Or do you prefer to do things of your own free will? If you’re more an extrovert, you probably like something big, loud and lively. If you’re more an introvert, you probably like something small, quiet and low-key. The fact is there’s no rule book on how to spend your holidays, it’s our free time after all.

Working in the corporate world means I’m surrounded by people all the time. There’re plenty of opportunities for interactions either through face-to-face or internet or telephone. My job keeps me on my toes. No two days are the same and there’s never a dull moment.

At home though, it’s a different story. By choice, I operate my personal life at a much slower pace, involving no more than myself and my furry kid Jamie boy.

The concept of solitude is like venturing into a private haven, taking me far away from the hustle and bustle of the city. It’s exactly what I need at the end of the day. It doesn’t make me a loner.

All in all, if you don’t enjoy your own company, how can you expect others to enjoy yours?

In the creative process, I need to be fully engaged in oneness. I need to be alone. I need to be that person who thinks alone, reads alone, and writes alone. Yes, I’m alone, solo, by myself, on my own, whatever you call it. Loneliness is the last thing on my mind. Without trying to sound too arrogant, it’s not in my vocabulary.

You? Perhaps you too do a lot of things alone. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Now, the question of Is one really a lonely number? My answer is: Not at all.

So, what is a lonely number then? In my opinion, zero is a lonely number.

Loneliness is best described as a state of mind derived from a behavioural response in which case one can be either alone or not alone. It has nothing to do with numbers, whether you’re one or with one hundred.

Lastly, before we go and tackle the epidemic of loneliness in our society, perhaps one single step that everyone can take is to let go of the misconception – the assumption of one is a lonely number…

Be yourself! It’s a cliché. We’ve heard it time and time again. Does it really mean anything?

Apparently, being yourself is one of the key elements of what makes successful people successful. At least, that’s what the experts say. But it sounds a bit too simple and too vague, don’t you think? If you’re just as puzzled, perhaps it’s time to delve into it. Let’s peel off the layers of myth!

Before we take a moment to re-think about what these two short words mean, let me talk about my creative process first. I promise, I’ll be myself and keep it short.

As soon as I decided to write a post about this topic, interestingly, two things happened:

1. Many opportunities started to present themselves; and
2. Flow started to work its magic to bring the idea to the forefront.

In the process, I came to realize the closest thing to Be Yourself is: Be Comfortable In Your Own Skin.

As a starting point, I began to break it down word by word, piece by piece, just to look at the meaning in a more literal sense.

Astonishingly, it soon became quite clear to me why this phrase Be Comfortable In Your On Skin makes perfect sense. Whoever invented this idiom was either a pure genius or someone of great wit and intelligence. Here’s why…

Unarguably, the skin is the largest organ of the body. So, in this context it’s fair to say:

• Be comfortable in your own skin implies a full-scale, 100% self-acceptance. For me, it also applies to all aspects of physical and emotional beings in all stages of life.

If you’ve ever wondered where to start to be yourself, look no further than the depth of your skin!

Try this at home, in your office, anywhere you go: Love your skin, look after your skin – accept your true colours, whether you have a dark or light complexion or anything in between, whether you have a thick skin or thin skin or combination skin, embrace it wholeheartedly and unapologetically…

Before I started this blog, my dearest and harshest critic – myself, had already tried his hardest to talk down the idea.

Questions like: What made you qualify to write this stuff? Are you an expert in this field? Who’s going to read it anyway? For some silly reason, all these negative self-talks were fueled by unfounded insecurity. It could explain why I spent many years sitting on the sidelines and why I became such a latecomer on the writing front.

Ironically, human nature is like this: We sabotage ourselves. It is only when we want something so badly, so bad that we must get up and act. Because you’ve used up all the excuses. No longer do you have the luxury of a last resort. That’s exactly what it is in my case.

In my approach to better understanding the subject matter, I see myself as a student, a learner on the go. Coming from this humble place, it’s enabled me to lay out my writing from a more practical and hands-on standpoint.

As I’m not habitually a happy-go-lucky person or a naturally born hardcore optimistic, writing then provides an outlet for me to crystallize my thoughts in a way that is less biased, judgmental and more balanced and articulate. It complements my effort not to overact in real time.

While no two experiences are alike, it is my hope that my posts have something to offer to readers, perhaps something that resonates well with you, gives you some food for thought or adds a bit value to your day…

One of most frequently asked questions during an interview: What are your weaknesses? seems to have scared the hell out of many applicants. Some people would dread facing this type of question fearing that something they say or not say may jeopardize the chances of landing a job.

Typically, when the stakes are high, so is the stress level. And the stress comes from the need to be perceived a strong person to the outside world. It’s our ego does the talking.

When I last came across this question during the interview process in 2013, I gave a clear and concise answer: I don’t like talking about too many negative things. The interviewer smiled. I thought OK it could be a good sign.

Apparently, there were total 89 applications received, only 5 people were shortlisted according to the HR manager. After going to three interviews, each with a different panel of interviewers, plus one psychometric test, I got the job eventually. Yes, I did win hearts and minds, but not without a fight. A fight to look my best.

Now, more than six years later, I have gained a better perspective on weaknesses. No surprise, I found a close correlation between weaknesses and strengths. They’re an inseparable unit from the same family after all.

Of course, questions along these lines aren’t just about weaknesses alone, they are intended to get you talk about self-awareness. For example, you may be asked about what action you’d taken to address own shortcomings or steps you’d followed to improve the imperfections. More importantly, the bottom line – what the results were.

For long we’ve labelled weaknesses as a black mark or shameful personality traits. We even have a stigma attached to them. However, I’ve noticed that those people who didn’t shy away from talking about their weaknesses, exhibited a great deal of courage and confidence in themselves. If we look more closely, our strengths really lie in our weaknesses. It takes strength to be vulnerable. That’s why there’s a fine line between weaknesses and strengths. Sometimes both are interchangeable.

Well, when all is said and done, where do I go from here? If I can start by saying I need to improve my time management, my sleep and I’m working on it. Now everyone knows, should I go hiding somewhere? I’m proud of myself for having the guts to say it out loud. Now, over to you!

It’s true that people love talking about themselves. But only when they feel comfortable about it.

We each have our own set of rules when it comes to the level of comfort. How our comfort increases or decreases depends on the people, events, things and time we are surrounded with. Basically these four indicators: Who, Where, What and When are the determining factors.

If you feel obliged to attend a social event, then chances are when you get there, you’ll probably have to make an extra effort to enjoy yourself and others. If it’s something you’ve been looking forward to, then naturally you’ll act in a way that you want to be there and have a good time. People will see that and respond to it accordingly.

So, what does it take to break the ice?

Back in 2016, I was invited to a lavish Christmas party hosted by a corporate travel agent and their sponsors. Judging by the fancy flyer (an on line version) I received, I expected t would be something big, bold and beautiful.

And? It didn’t disappoint. The atmosphere/energy was amazing – full of gourmet food, heady drinks and hundreds of interesting people. It seemed that everyone had one common goal in mind – networking, networking, networking.

It was exciting yet slightly daunting for me when I was steering through the venue not seeing anybody I knew. Well, except three travel managers whom I normally had contacted with on the telephone but never met in person. So, top on my agenda was to find them and put their faces to names. Luckily, everyone was given a name tag to be pinned on the clothes, I didn’t anticipate it’d be a too difficult task.

I went to grab a drink, did a bit people watching, hovered around the venue a few times to see where the main action was. Getting accustomed to the surroundings, the vibes and the party theme were all part of a strategy to put my mind at ease, just like a good warm-up you do before a major activity that type of thing. Once your muscles are more relaxed, you just go out there and do what you’ve trained or practiced to do.

As soon as I started to feel more comfortable, I decided to make small talk with a few random people, just to test out how far a casual conversation would take me to. Funnily enough, and this is true in many cases, way before we start to talk, our body language has already sent out a signal to a room of people. Basically, it tells them one of these two things:

1. Hey, you look interesting. I want to connect with you.
2. Oh No, please stay away from me, just leave me alone.

My inner radar was quickly on the look out for some like-minded people and it turned out the person whom I spent the most time with also had many things in common with me.

As I discovered, these four magical ice breakers worked wonderfully for me on that night. I’ll explain why below:

1. Names: People love talking about their names. The history, the background, the culture and how their parents chose their names in the first place. They might even tell you, why they decided to change their names later.
2. Travel: People love talking about their holiday destinations and adventures etc, the past, the present and the future.
3. Languages: If you speak a foreign language, for example Spanish. When you come across any native Spanish speaker, a few Spanish words exchanged here and there (combined with your cute accent) will get you noticed and bring you both closer.
4. Pets: Who wouldn’t love talking about their dog(s) or cat(s)? No explanations required here.

Lastly, even to your best possible effort, the results may not always be what you expected. That can happen. When all else fails, what do you do? Stay low-eye. But as soon as the music starts to play, just get up and dance! You never know who might come and dance next to you…