Category: Life

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When Love Wins, Who’s Going To Lose?

Love is love? Is love enough to make a law change? In very few cases Yes, in most cases No. At least it’s true in the context of marriage equality. Last count, there’re 28 nations in the world recognise same sex marriage. The latest one that has joined the ranks is Taiwan. Born and bred there, I cannot be more proud.

When a small player like Taiwan is seen on the news headlines, most of time it’s for the wrong reason. Oh No, not another round of diplomatic setback. The country’s lack of support from the international community is well known. But in the last two weeks. On 17 May 2019, when Taiwan became the first country in Asia to legalise same sex marriage, there was an outpouring of praises following it. This milestone sent shock waves across the world and make people take notice. To be politically correct or politically incorrect depending on where you stand, some news sites referenced Taiwan’s sovereignty very carefully. After all, who dares to upset Chinese communist party and their One China Principle? The first “place” in Asia to legalise same sex marriage is probably what has been written in the news. Don’t get me started or I’ll sound too political here. Anyway, moving forward, whether people agree or disagree, like it or not, the law has been passed. Yes, it’s done but doesn’t it mean it’s over?

The road to clear the final hurdle has been long and hard. Mr Chi Chia-Wei, unknown to the west, is a first openly gay man and a veteran gay rights activist in Taiwan. He’s now a 60-year-old man. Last time I saw him on TV, I was struck by how skinny he looked and how much grey hair he got. Stress must’ve done something to him. Back in 1986, some 33 years ago, he was the first person to step up to advocate gay rights. It was no doubt a brave thing to do after all people in the 80’s were far more conservative than people today.

When Chi Chia-Wei went to apply for a marriage certificate at the local council, he was refused by the authorities on the grounds that his partner wasn’t a she. From there, he wouldn’t have thought that it’d become decades of fight for marriage equality. In mid 2017, at last, there was a glimpse of hope. The matter was taken to the Taiwan’s constitutional court for interpretation. On the day when he was in the court room facing the constitutional judge, he looked frail. I can’t image what was going through his mind. Most believed it was the last resort and a do or die situation. Outside the court room, it was just as dramatic as the inside. Both sides of supporters for and against marriage equality had been waiting for this moment. When the verdict was read out, we heard a loud cheer from one side of the groups. Yes, the judge was in favour of marriage equality. It said to deny a same sex couple the right to marry is unconstitutional. Taiwan’s lawmakers must in two years make it a law or it’ll automatically become one on 24 May 2019.

The case was won for the LGBT community, but it was short-lived. Only a year later, the LGBT campaigners faced another uphill battle. They suffered a major blow from the referendum results in 2018. An overwhelming number of Taiwanese voters didn’t wish to see the marriage law changed. What it left with for the government was to find a middle ground between the judge’s verdict and the referendum outcome. But with the opposition groups gaining the upper hand from the No votes, there was a call/demand for the word “marriage” to be removed from the context and replacing it with something less significant to formalise their “partnership”, separate from the existing marriage law.

Following almost 2 years of inaction by the government, with the deadline fast approaching, the bill was finally drafted and sent to the Legislative Yuan for review. The word “marriage” was retained under the bill. It also gave same sex married couples similar rights as heterosexual married couples. The move angered the opposition groups calling it a disrespect for the referendum results.

Against the odds, the bill was passed without amendments. The anti same sex marriage sentiment from the opposition groups went from bad to worse. This time they vowed to overturn the law, punish those legislative members who voted yes on the bill, sack the constitutional judge and bring down the government in the next presidential election in 2020. Well, what can I say? It just got uglier every time I looked at it. Good luck to them.

The pen that was used by President Tsai Ing-Wen to sign marriage equality into law was given to Mr Chi Chia Wei as a gift for his contributions to the gay rights movement in Taiwan. It was a symbolic gesture and a good closure to a long battle lasted for decades and caused so much pain to the LGBT community. Now it’s time for healing. When a battle is over, there’re always winners and losers. When love wins, who’s going to lose? Calling on fears, hate, and prejudice out there, get your white flag ready! Get your loser’s speech prepared. Because you’re losing ground…

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What Do You Have That I Don’t Have?

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to live a better life, have a better job, a better income, a better partner, a better house? Perhaps they just have a better luck or even a better problem! Better this and better that, whatever takes your fancy, you may begin to ask yourself: What do they have that I don’t have? Scrolling through pages of posts published on social media, we can easily see evidence of “We live in a result-driven, an outcome-obsessed society.” It’s all about the end product. We only get to see people cross the finishing line, but not the hard work that goes into it, which is often done behind the scenes. Nevertheless, we believe what we see on the outside is what we get from the inside. After all, seeing is believing. What’s wrong with it? Let’s dive in…

Perhaps you’re in a middle of doing housework, feeling a bit tired and bored, you decide to give yourself a break. You go to your smartphone, open the Facebook or Instagram app, there you are, before you know it, you’re already bombarded by friends’ posts and updates – travel photos taken from an exotic tropical island in the Pacific, some historical places in Europe or those bustling streets in East Asia. How do you feel? You may give it a like or a heart then move on? You may leave a nice comment and carry on your day to day stuff. You may get a little jealous or envious of them, then start to wonder: Why am I doing here at home in my PJ while they’re there living it up and having a great time? The adage: A picture is worth a thousand words is true in many cases. We can all agree on that. However, I’d argue a picture isn’t always representing a full picture. Don’t be surprise if there’s more to it than meets the eye. When people share their happy holiday photos on line, it’s all about the highlight. Rarely do they mention the lowlight. For example, would they tell the world that their flight got delayed for hours or they sat next to an annoying passenger or in front of a noisy jerk on a plane for 9 hours? Would they rant and rave about having a bad customer experience at a store, or having some awful food in a restaurant or having an upset stomach or diarrhea only one day after arriving at the resort? Those unexpected mishaps and dramas are kept to themselves, in private. We all like showcasing our best parts of everything to everyone. It’s only human nature. But if we as viewers are led to believe that’s all there to it, we are missing out on “a whole picture”. The feeling of inadequacy will soon find a chance to creep into our mind.

How do we gain more perspectives so that we don’t get sucked into that feeling of inadequacy? I understand if you have the urge to fill that hole or an empty space inside of you with stimuli. I’ve been there. Many times. Countless times. To counter that, I’ve come up with a good strategy to keep myself in check (like writing this blog post). We all can avoid the danger of taking something only at face value and missing the point. Try to deconstruct the myth layer by layer. In my case, as a reasonably newcomer to the blogging scene, I’m still like a new kid on the block. It’d be easy for me to feel inadequate compared with those popular bloggers out there, who have long established themselves as badass writers in their chosen fields. On the outside, fame, successes, hundreds and thousands of followers and likes etc are filling up their public domain. There’s no shortage of “good fortune”. But they got to where they’re today for a reason. It comes at a cost. It’s not free. it’s not all glam. On the inside, they’ve done the work to get them there and they continue to do the work to keep them there.

Then, just the other day, a friend of mine revealed to me that her marriage was on the rocks until she talked her husband into getting a counselling. I wouldn’t have thought that. A side of her that I didn’t know existed. It was nowhere near a portrait of her happy life on Facebook I’d seen –  enough to make her friends envious or jealous. What’s the matter? It’s not that people live a double-life, it’s just there’s a different life behind a curated library of photos we are yet to see. What I’ve learnt from this is: Not too quick to judge what I see in an instant.

Whether it’s people’s success or happiness that makes you feel inadequate, or the high life they constantly brag about gets on your nerves, stop and look out for the flip side – there’s an untold story waiting to be discovered. To complete this post, I’ll leave it with an advice I received from an ex colleague of mine at Fairfax Media. Those three wonderful little words: Work at it…

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Give Bullies A Boo

A mother was heartbroken.

There she was talking explicitly about her pain and anguish in front of the TV reporters. As a way of protecting her privacy, she wore a white surgical mask to hide her identity. Even so, the cameras were able to zoom in on her and capture the sadness in her eyes. It was written all over her face.

What’d happened? Why was she so upset? It’s a call no parents will ever want to receive. An episode no parents will ever want to go through in their life. In an apparent suicide attempt, her teenage son was seen jump out of the school building to kill himself. Fortunately, he didn’t die at the scene. But he was seriously injured to the lower part of his body as later announced by hospital.

School did all they could – called an ambulance. He was quickly taken to a hospital emergency department for an urgent treatment. His mother rushed to the ward to be by his bed side, watch him fighting for his life. The hospital setting, the medical staff running around, No, it wasn’t one of prime-time soap operas, it was a real news on TV last week in Taiwan.

Believe or not, his self-harm didn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Why not? He’d been known for being a victim of bullying both on line and on the school yard for a while. In that, his school has been criticized for not acting early enough to prevent this preventable tragedy.

To add insult to injury, his mother was suggested by school to file the case as an accident as opposed to a suicide attempt, so that it’d give the case a valid reason for the insurance claim. Then on the get-well card sent to him following the incident, there was an insensitive message coming from his teacher calling his act as stupid. Also, on that there were a couple of anonymous short messages believed to be written by the bullies. Those three little words “Get well soon” were a bit cold comfort. That’s all they have to say. They didn’t sound sincere nor genuine. Perhaps driven by fear, pressure or public outcry, they didn’t even have the decency to put their names down.

From this, we can see words hurt, sometimes words can kill. This is a case got reported by the media and brought to light. No one would argue it’s an isolated one. But imagine how many cases are out there that haven’t been uncovered? We just don’t know. But one thing for sure, the number won’t be zero.

So, how did he become an easy, soft target for bullying among his peers? Why did he get picked on? When I heard of the reason, I was dismayed and appalled. The types of bullying he had to endure were staggering. He was subjected to names calling (sissy) that followed him everywhere, systematic intimidating, teasing and harassing taking place in the school’s change room. His gentle soul and persona got him into trouble. The trouble lies in the fact he didn’t fit the stereotypes of dominant men which are deeply ingrained in our world – something that’s been passed down generation after generation and to this day, there’re still signs of reinforcing it. I don’t see anything wrong with portraying men as a strong character, but it needs to have a balance. Strength comes in many shapes and forms. If you look around, chances are the strongest people you’ve ever come across aren’t those who appear to be the loudest, but the calmest.

Relatively, weeks ago a news feed on my Facebook posted by SBS (Special Broadcasting Services) Australia, got me thinking long and hard on the subject. It was about a small school boy called Mitchell who went to the TV studio – a debate forum “Insight” telling the host and a group of audience about how he stood up to a bully and told this kid to stop being mean to his friend. Mitchell’s bravery and courage won him much admiration and applause from many viewers, but it shouldn’t just end there. Our schools, our workplaces and every corners of our society need more friends like Mitchell. We all can be the next Mitchell in our own tiny way. Remember 3 S’s to eradicate the bullying – See something, say something, stop something. That’s all it takes. Interestingly, what Mitchell discovered about the bully and shared it on the show was: the bully felt threatened when being confronted by him. Deep down bullies are weak, once their bad behaviours are interrupted, they lose power and the edge over other people.

Why do I feel so strongly about this topic? Because I’m no stranger to bulling. Growing up, I used to be that little boy got bullied a lot at school. Back then, the term for bullying didn’t even exist. That Taiwanese teenager’s ordeal resonated with me on a personal level which prompted me to write this post. I survived, a long time ago. Many people did as well. But some did not. They went to extremes to end their own lives to end the pain they could no longer bear. Bullying is like bacteria. If the environment is “right” for them, it’ll become a breeding ground for them to proliferate, they will do just that – spread. If we foster the environment that’s supportive and inclusive, bullies will have no place to cling on to.

Last, as this post draws to a close, I thought I’d ask: What advice would you give to the teenage self? For me, I’d tell myself: Strive to be the best version of yourself, embrace your differences and stay weird!

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Do What You Were Born To Do

At just 16, Greta Thunberg is already out there sending the message of climate change to the world. I can foresee it’ll be her life’s work for a long time.

So, where were you at the age of 16 or 26 or 36? If you open a time capsule buried in the past, can you see what you were trying to achieve or already achieved back then? What about now? What are your career aspirations? Are you still searching for that something that’ll get you out of bed every morning? Something you’ll do again and again and never get sick and tired of, nor give up on. Then, there comes the roadblocks, self-doubts, uncertainties. What does it take to find your niche in life? Doing what you love doesn’t necessarily mean getting paid for it. If money isn’t in the cards, will you continue the same level of enthusiasm as if it was a paid job? When the only reward is nothing financial but something that gives you a sense of achievement and satisfaction, will you still be there till the end?

Before my family immigrated into Australia, my life in Taiwan from the day I was born was all about being competitive and passing all school exams. As a student, I was told to study hard and get good grades at school. It was the common sentiment shared among many parents. Who wouldn’t want their children to have a head-start, a well-paved career path and a higher socioeconomic status in the future? Though I was rarely one of those top students excelled at all subjects, it didn’t bother me to the slightest that I was just an “average” student.

I remember in our writing class, we were asked to write about “What do you want to do when you grow up?”, I think I said I want to be a teacher, a musician, a pianist. When I got a bit older, around my teenage years or something, I changed it to a journalist, a news reader, an actor, or a TV personality etc. As time went by, I didn’t end up pursuing interests or hobbies in those areas. Instead, I switched to one subject that I loved most – English. To be good at it, I spent the bulk of my time studying it, going to evening English classes, listening to English language programs on radio. I even hired American tutors to perfect my conversational skills. When I got better at it, Taiwan, a tiny island about the same size of Netherlands in Europe, was too small to my increasing appetite for success. I told my parents, I want to go to study in America. The West.

They took us to Australia in 1990. Over the course of two decades, I went following what was thought to be popular and mainstream – going to university, getting a corporate job and buying a property. I was lucky enough to achieve all that – graduating with a Bachelor degree from one of top universities in Australia, working for those well-known big companies and living the Great Australian dream in one of the most livable cities in the world. What more could I ask for? On paper, it looks alright. But behind the scenes, there were tones of torments. For example, I was jobless and living my life without any source of income in 2012 and 2013, while paying home mortgage and other bills. Gratefully, they were a thing of the past and I’m now in a better place mentally and physically, but that’s not to say I’m 100% done.

The notion of “Do what you were born to do” got me thinking recently. I first heard of it from a mutual friend of mine a few years ago. After she left a broken marriage, she decided to relocate to Singapore. Two years later she quite her 6-figure salary job altogether. Then she became this person on a mission to find her purpose in life. At that time, it all sounded too New Age to me, something I wasn’t too fond of nor interested in. So, I went through the motions without paying too much attention. But lately the idea has re-surfaced. Perhaps it’s because I’m at a different stage of life. “Do what you were born to do” has come to me with a fresh meaning. I’m crystal clear about what I was brought to this world for – to be the voice of minorities and to break down stereotypes.

Minorities? What minorities? One way or the other, everyone will become part of minorities at least once in their life time. How so? Permanently or temporarily, we all have this identity or self-image that is seen as an outsider or even outcast by the society at large. For example, people in the LGBT community, a single parent, a divorcée or divorcé, people who have been bullied or abused, people who have been laid off etc. All can be classified as minorities. When a crisis arises, a large proportion of people in these groups tends to experience some form of mental illness – depression, anxiety, OCD, etc.

Admittedly, I have my fair share of shit moments, but I didn’t go through those rough patches for nothing. Have been a minority on many fronts, though once was too painful to bear, it’s given me the ability to empathize and relate to people’s struggles similar to mine. I’ll continue to use this platform as the voice of minorities and help whoever reads it build life skills from there…

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The Change We Don’t Want To Keep

Climate change. Who cares? I know Greta Thunberg does. Who is she? The 16 year old Swedish school girl, a climate activist, a Ted Talks speaker, now a nominees for The Nobel Peace Prize 2019, made world headlines for her “school strike for climate” protest. Started out as one person herself in August 2018, it’s since attracted more than a million of students around the globe to do just that. How could the power of one grow to a gigantic size and become a world phenomenon in such a short space of time?

Not surprisingly, the news coverage and social media all played a part. They helped spread her word but did people buy it? It’s interesting to see how the event unfolded. In the very beginning, she was literally an unknown teenager. When she first learned about climate change, she was appalled by a lack of action from the government. Her frustration got to the point where she decided to skip classes and stand outside the Swedish Parliament protesting. On day one, she was there alone with the sign saying “Skolstrejk för klimatet”. The next day, more people noticed her and started to join in. Her movement captured the worldwide attention. Teens from over a hundred countries were so inspired by her, they went following in her footsteps. In that, we’ve seen groups of young students around the globe carry the same message demanding their government to act against climate change.

What does this tell us? To be honest, at first, I thought she was just a kid hating school. Protesting was a convenient excuse for not turning up classes. Am I the only person thought that way? Surely not. But my wrong assumption of her highly publicized motive quickly dissipated as I learned more about her. I began to see her larger than life character in 2 ways.

  • She turned her belief in “doing the right thing” for our planet into action even it meant going on her own.
  • She’s the epitome of the power of one.

What about you? What quality have you got in you that can make people want to stop and listen to you or follow you? If you’ve got what it takes, bring it out! Risk it! We can all start small, can’t we? We can all start alone, can’t we? Are you willing to embark on a solo journey, be an unsung hero in your own right, even when no one knows you exist?

When it comes to the environment, everyone can do something about it no matter how insignificant it may sound. My recent experiences related to this subject were a mixed bag. A few months ago while I was bush walking with my dog in a local reserve, I happened to see something annoying – a big re-usable plastic bag dumped on the shore. Because it was right near where my favourite spot was, I took it very personally. Seeing the area being littered like this, my immediate reaction was: Who’s the bastard? I kept mumbling why would anyone do such a thing to trash our environment. It bothered me so much that I decided to walk all the way back and put it in the nearest bin roughly some 800 metres away, not to mention I had to put up with the bad smell/rotten seafood coming out of the bag. Two weeks later, when I returned, I saw an envio bag hanging up on a tree with a few words written in block letters “IF YOU CARE PLEASE TAKE A BAG HELP CLEAN UP THANK YOU” (pictured). This time I was moved by it. Someone out there who was also caring and smart enough to know that if one day our Earth is too sick to survive, we’re all going to suffer. No amount of success or money can compensate for it. Agree?

Finally, before this post draws to a close, I thought I’d mention the common real estate mantra location location location. We say it repeatedly to highlight the importance of the location and how it can dictate the value of a home. But the location itself only reveals half of the truth. It’s the environment that makes or breaks business at the end. If the environment can shape who we are as a person, it certainly has the same capability to determine our destiny. The good news is it’s in our hands. The bad news is it’s also in our hands…

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Five Life Lessons I’ve Learned From My Dog

The common phrase dogs are man’s best friend is probably an understatement. To me, they’re also man’s best teacher. In some circumstances, they’re even man’s life saver. Imagine a world without dogs, how sad and lonely would that be?

Of course, our furry kids don’t come for free. They have needs too. In fact, they need us more than we need them. But ironically, they understand us more than we understand them. Dogs aren’t cheap. Arguably, there’s a high cost associated with having a dog. For example, dog food, dog treats, dog medicine, dog grooming and dog health care etc. They’re all much dearer than human’s. Surprised? Money aside, dogs are also famous/infamous for being high maintenance animals. They require someone to do the clean-up, play with them and give them enough attention. It’s a lifelong commitment and a huge responsibility to bear. But in spite of all these, many dog owners never regret having a dog. Why? Because the trust and unconditional love we receive from them is unmatched by any other kinds of creatures including humans.

I’ve had my dog Jamie since he was only a 3 month old puppy. Time flies! He’s now a 12 year old senior dog. I admit sometimes I get tired of looking after him. I’m juggling and struggling with a work-life balance at the same time. I wish I had more time for myself: To rest, to read, to write, to do all those creativity projects, to go out night-clubbing and to  have a vibrant social life. But every time I spend time with my dog, by that I mean going out and about on the beach or around the bush as opposed to doing a retail therapy or having a nightlife, he has this magic power to make me see what I don’t always see – wants aren’t necessarily needs. My need to seek external validation is one of misconceptions I have about what makes me happy. He’s helped me step back and stay away from that. This fellow has changed my life completely and unreservedly… for better. He’s taught me to appreciate the moment, to live in the present I’m in. Most of all, he’s shown me love is a verb, not a noun. In that, these are 5 life lessons I’ve learned from him.

1. Chase toys, not troubles: Do we forget that sometimes life is a bit fun and games? Fair enough, we don’t always win but we don’t have to lose our sense of humour as a result. Have we taken life too seriously? If we can’t see the bright side, can we at least try to see the light side? Yes, life is hard, but instead of echoing the sentiment, can we approach it and do the opposite – laugh at it? My dog doesn’t temp fate, he deals with practicality, what’s in front of him. When life throws him a lemon, he chases it, plays with it and perhaps even chews it. If he doesn’t like it, he spits it out. He’s inspired me to be a comedian, not a complete drama queen in the life stages. You either laugh or cry, which role would you choose to play?

2. There’s a such thing as a free meal if you are good to your parent(s): My dog totally relies on me. I’m fine with it. He knows who’s boss in this household. All he has to do is be a good son. He’s enough. He doesn’t need to kiss my ass or try to be a different breed to get all freebies in the house. He’s a constant reminder that there’s always a breadwinner/boss above us, whether it’s in life or in career. No matter what position we’re in, none of us got to where we are alone. Be thankful and respectful to people who helped us along the way.

3. Forgive (and forget sometimes): This is by far the biggest lesson. Somehow I think all major wars and conflicts still happening in the world today is because we human beings haven’t learnt one thing – forgiveness. Dogs forgive. Period. They even forget sometimes. It’s not because they have a shorter memory, it’s because they know life goes on and it’s shown in their capability to move on. To me, that’s the true spirit of forgiveness. Are you (still) waiting for someone to show some remorse so that you’ll consider forgiving him? What if he never does, are you going to sit there and wait forever? Who’s really being punished here? As a matter of fact, we define what forgiveness is, not the offender or the enemy.

4. Love without an asterisk. If we want to know what love is, just go and watch how a dog shows affection to his/her owner. If we treat love like an investment, expect a bigger return later, most of us will go bankrupt very quickly. Some say Love is blind. I disagree. I think only people are too blind to see what love is. Can we love someone without terms and conditions? The fine print? Love is love, full stop.

5. Certain things aren’t for human consumption…: What the heck is this? Well, I deliberately won’t elaborate it. Use some imagination! Bring out your creativity! Give me your short and sweet answer.

So, where do we go from here? or should I say what has Jamie done today? He’s slept in his bed, daydreamed a bit, checked me out a few times, eaten dinner, gone to toilet. It’s a good life, isn’t it? Now he’s lying on the floor behind my chair as I write this. If I could just add another point to make the 6th life lesson I’ve learnt from him, it’d be Let sleeping dogs lie…

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Freedom Of Speech Leaves Some Of Us Speechless

You can never know who is on the other side reading your on-line comments.

Social media has created a giant cyber space that allows us to speak or write as freely as we like while at the same time remain anonymous if we choose to. Its raising popularity continues to threaten the longevity of traditional media like newspaper and TV. We’ve seen some media companies suffer a major blow, land in deep water and lose ground in recent years. Some reacted quickly and transformed themselves into more digital-friendly entities. Some unfortunately were too slow to respond and went out of business.

Nowadays, social media platforms are readily available at our fingertips. With a few clicks we can set one up in minutes and get the ball rolling in no time. Anyone who broadcasts or publishes their work on internet can pretty much call themselves the media. In there, the old debate over Freedom of Speech seems to have re-surfaced. The line between acceptable language and unacceptable language couldn’t be more blurred.

The old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me” isn’t child’s play. Behind a brave face, is a fragile heart we don’t always get to see. The thing is we’re all prone to negative remarks. One bad comment circulating on the face of social media, can be seen by many people, friends, family and strangers. It’s enough to ruin someone’s day. What about some fake news we’ve heard time and time again? It’s going around, spreading like wildfire everywhere in the world.

Has Freedom of Speech gone too far? Living in a democratic society, we’re entitled to exercise our rights of freedom of speech. “The deal” is we’re free to express our opinions openly but only in a non-violent way. Yet, we can take it all for granted. Some use it and abuse it. To put things in perspective, in some parts of the world, Freedom of Speech is an unattainable commodity. Their fights continue while we sleep…

To dive in to the notion of Freedom of Speech, it’s all about the freedom to make our voices heard. One way to do that is through election. If you’re an overseas reader, in case you didn’t know, voting in Australia is mandatory. By law every eligible citizen is required to cast their vote during election or they’ll face a fine. Here on the election day, outside each polling station you’ll likely see an army of supporters and an array of volunteers for their candidates. They smile at you, hand out the how-to-vote sheets and if you don’t mind stopping for a minute or two, they’ll explain to you why you should vote for their favourite politicians. Generally, I don’t classify myself as a swing voter, my mind is pretty much made up before I do the ballot papers thing.

In the state of NSW, we just finished State Election 2 weeks ago. The night before the election was held, my commuter train got delayed. As a result, I was stuck inside a compartment for over half of an hour on Friday evening. This incident left a bad taste in my mouth that I vowed not to support my sitting member for the first time. Next day, when I went to vote, just 30 minutes before it closed, I met this interesting lady outside the polling place. She was there to support an independent candidate. I asked her why she’s doing it, she said in a strong tone: We need a different voice in this community, someone who can focus on the local issues…etc. I guess I was a bit swayed by her. Anyway, when I was done with the voting, I went out and still saw her there till the end. I was impressed by her dedication. I stopped again for a chat. This time I got to know her a little better. I learned she was a flight attendant working for Qantas. The next day she was due to fly to that city in that country. I commented how lucky she’s living the jet set lifestyle. She smiled and said: After a while, the novelty does wear off… Then she rolled her eyes and lamented in a joking way: Once I land in there tomorrow, I’ll be shut off from the outside world because I won’t have access to Facebook and Google… I laughed in agreement. Right at that moment, I also realized how lucky we are to live in a free country with unrestricted access to the Web. Our Freedom of Speech is assured and given to us “free of charge”. Importantly, the same goes for respect for the rights of others.

The fact that I can write pages and pages of posts expressing my opinions without fears, I’m thankful for it. But when do we go from here? When all is said and done, sometimes we still can’t shut up the noises and bigotry out there. When respect is not being respected, when someone still pushes our buttons, remember: The power is in your hands. Stay calm and keep your grace. Just push one of these buttons back – OFF or DELETE.

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You Will Not Get The Business Unless You Ask For It

What does it take to utter those words, to say what you want? What gets in your way? Do you sometimes expect others to read your mind or reciprocate your feelings? Are you playing a waiting game or just sitting there to see what happens? Are you hoping that one day someone will discover that special gift in you and take your career or business to the next level? And? If none of your old tricks has worked, are you open to new tricks even though they may make you uncomfortable at first?

Back in the March 2014 conference, when our MD was presenting, he was talking about what he’s learnt during his time with the company which he created 2 decades ago. Out of 10 points he raised, one struck me like an electricity shock. He said it point-blank: “You will not get the business unless you ask for it”. This message was so profound that has stuck with me since. To find truth in it, I didn’t have to look too far. My sister is a classic example. The steps she took to get a promotion to the position of Financial Controller in a well-known recruitment firm, Japan, were astonishing. It wasn’t just one-shot thing but multiple attempts for 2 years to get where she is today. The hurdles she overcame, the office politics she endured, at the end she got it. Undeniably it was an amazing achievement for a foreigner, a woman and a minority living in such a homogeneous society. I can visualise the glass ceiling being smashed, leaving shards of glass all over the floor! The notion of the sky is the limit no longer applies to today’s world. It is a cliché but the only limit we have is the limits we set for ourselves.

Contrary to my sister, I’ve been this old-school guy. I prefer to work hard, earn my credit, get noticed and wait for people to promote me, one day. Yes, one day… It sounds like a good virtue but deep down it’s driven by fears. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of losing face. That said, in a do-or-die situation, we often become bigger than fears for the sake of survival.

During my job seeking days, those rules I had about getting ahead were thrown out the window. Why? Because I knew when stakes are high, when competition is fierce, there’s no place for humbleness. Best save all the humanity for the winner speech later. Through trial and error, I learned to adopt a self-promotion approach to get myself shortlisted way before I could even get a foot in the door.

Now back to basics. If I want people to read my mind, I need to be an open-book myself. If I want people to reciprocate my feelings, I need to let my guard down, articulate and express my feelings clearly. If I want more readership, I need to give readers ideas they can relate to or useful to them. If I want more business, I need to show up and tell them what I can offer first. Self-promotion is not about bragging about yourself or promoting your own self-interest, it’s about bringing out the best in you. It’s not a big ask, is it?

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The Night My Home Got Burgled

In 1990 my family came to Australia as business migrants. It wasn’t a great year to embark on a new life when the country was going through the recession. The downturn in the economy was so widespread that you could feel the doom and gloom right across the continent just about everywhere. A famous line often heard on the news was: When Japan sneezes, Australia catches a cold. A sentiment was shared by many. The fragility of the economy affected all facets of the society and put pressure on all things that required money to run. The interest rates were so skyrocket high like 15 to 17 percent that if you had enough funds in your bank account, you could literally live a comfortable life just from the interest earned. The problem was Australians weren’t famous for saving money. In fact, they were short of it – the cash. Facing the bleak economic outlook, at one point I was dubious about my future here long term. But because we’d already come this far, going back home wasn’t not even an option, so we held on.

If you’ve ever studied, worked or lived aboard, then you’d know what it takes to assimilate and fit into a new country. There’re so many stories I’d love to share with my readers on this platform, but I cannot possibly include them all in one post so for now I’m just going to focus on one odd event. Yes, you heard it right. Odd. It took place roughly about 3 months after we arrived in Sydney. I call it: The Night My Home Got Burgled.

Before I start, just to give you a rough idea about the place we were renting then. It was a 2-bed old style flat that came as unfurnished. When we moved in, the condition was basic. Our plan was to buy a permanent home to live in before the 6-month lease was due. Therefore, we weren’t in any hurry to stock the place with new furniture except daily essentials like fridge, washing machine, TV and beds stuff etc.

So, on that day before the event unfolded, we did something new – playing the tennis for the first time. It looked easy but honestly hitting the ball over the net was much harder than I’d thought. Later that day, my muscles already started to ache from the hours of workout on the court. At night, we all got very tired and exhausted and just wanted to go to bed early. There was nothing out of ordinary except for some silly reason, my mum went to kitchen and left the sliding window half open for the entire evening.

I felt asleep very quickly but got up to go to toilet in the middle of the night. On my way I noticed something spooky – a shadow across the living room. It was too dark to pin down exactly what it was or could’ve been. So, I gave up. While there, I also noticed the street lights reflected off our kitchen floor while the curtains were blowing in the wind. I thought who the hell has forgotten to lock the window. Anyway, I was too sleepy to figure it all out, I went back to bed again.

The next morning when I woke up. My dad came talking to me, in his usual serious tone, he said: We’ve been broken into! “No way!”, I retorted. But we were all at home last night. How could it happen? Still in disbelief, I stormed into my bed room, then realized some of my personal belongings were gone. My watch, my backpack, my wallet. “The burglar only took my stuff. Why?!” I yelled and protested. What about my passport? I’d be in trouble if it was gone too. Luckily, I took it out of my backpack and placed it on the coffee table that night. My sixth sense told me to do that. It proved to be a wise move.

Minutes later, my mum came joining us, she said to me in somewhat a humorous way: your pants that I hung out and let dry in the balcony yesterday are now all over the floor. Apparently, the burglar even tried on my pants. Back in the day I was the thinnest I’d ever been, waist size 27”. There was no way he could’ve fit himself into that pair of chinos! Not a chance.

This unfortunate event left me with a bad taste in the mouth about Australia. But really it had nothing to do with Australia. A burglary can happen anywhere anytime. I soon moved on and carried on living my life.

Strangely, a month later, an unexpected twist to the event started to surface. One day a librarian from my college called. She said someone found my backpack in the library. I should go and pick it up. At first, I was a little puzzled. I said: Are you sure it’s my backpack? It can’t be right. My backpack was stolen from my home a month ago. She was adamant that it was mine. “Yes, it’s got your college enrollment form in it. That’s how I got your contact details”. I was stunned. She was correct. The following day I went to the library to collect my backpack. Of course, it was empty. All other things never returned. Up till now, I still have no idea how my backpack ended up in the college library, some 20-minute drive away from us.

Looking back, what I found disturbing and gave me the creeps was it happened right when we were all inside. I was grateful for the fact that no one was harmed during the burglary and the intruder left us alone. Those goods stolen from me were just material things. Overtime, they would’ve lost their values and become unwanted pieces. The aftermath? There was no aftermath. It failed to shatter our Aussie dreams. Not a day in my life I was thinking about this bad experience except now when I’m writing this post. Like the Australian economy, it survived the storm and bounced back. We also succeeded in our pursuit in our own right.

Life goes on. If the burglar was someone in his 20’s then, by now he would be in his late 40’s or 50’s. If he’s still alive today and I hope he is, he would be someone’s partner, father or uncle. I sincerely wish he’s already a changed man and is out there doing good deeds for the people and the country…

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Want To Stop Complaining Instantly? Think Big!

Complaining is part of life. We complain just about everything from traffic, money, weather, waiting in a queue, bad customer service, work, to our partner, family, sometimes even ourselves. You name it. There’re times when complaining is essential. There’re also times when complaining is a complete waste of time and energy. We know complaining can serve us well when we have a strong case and we’re looking to improve a situation. We also know complaining can produce no good results when we just want to vent. Ironically, people on the receiving end often put up with our ranting without complaining. Most of time we don’t even realize it till we see the big picture. What? The big picture? Read on and you’ll see why.

In February/March 2016, all our Sydney staff were sent to Melbourne for a 3-day conference. I was both excited and nervous as I’d never been to Melbourne. Only the night before I was due to fly, then I started to pack my personal belongings. My goal was to travel as light as possible. On the day I arrived at the airport, I was a little bit late. So, I was in a mad rush to get my check-in done. Luckily, my checked baggage was sorted within minutes thanks to the fast Self Service Check-in facilities. As I proceeded to a security screening point, I realized I had a piece of nail scissors in my carry-on baggage. Damn! I should’ve put it in my checked baggage but there was no turning back. No surprise, it was confiscated and dumped into a bin. The customs officer who caught it and threw it away, looked at me as if I was a terrorist. I wasn’t happy, but time was running out, I’d better hurry up or I’d miss my flight. A few minutes later, I saw my colleagues still standing at the gate and waiting. None of them had boarded the plane. It gave me a peace of mind. Great! It wasn’t too bad after all. Feeling hugely relived, I thought finally I can pace myself and take it easy. I went up to them to join their conversation. While there soon I found myself starting to complain about my bad experience just then. Interestingly, at that point, a colleague next to me was scrolling through pages and pages of his photo albums on the phone. I happened to see a picture of him – a shaved head with stitches around his skull. It looked like someone had cut it open with a knife or scissors then put staples back on to close it again. It was quite scary to watch. Right there and then, I stopped. I realised my complaint was nothing compared to the image I’d just seen. I felt a bit embarrassed, almost ashamed. But out of curiosity, I went to ask him what was that all about. He said he was diagnosed with a brain tumour a few years ago. Following that he underwent a brain operation to have it removed. It was a success. Then, he was treated with a chemotherapy to ensure the monster never return again. That picture of him was taken not long after the surgery was done. Who would’ve known that years later it turned out to be the big picture for me to see what really matters at the end of the day.

What if you’re the one who receives complaints? One of my friends who was in a managerial position had a smart way of handling chronic complaints from her staff. She’d listen to them patiently, then hit back with the big question like: So, what do you suggest doing to change it? This would put them in problem-solving mode as opposed to just sitting there and whinging about it.

Next time, when you catch yourself or someone complaining about something that’s clearly not worth your time and attention. You know those types of complaints – just whining and whining. Whether it’s done in person, on the phone or in social media, think big!

The big picture: Does it matter at the end of the day?

The big question: What do you suggest doing to change it?