Tag: Mental Health

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Size Isn’t Everything

What you see is what you get? We know appearances can be deceiving. It tells us just how easily we can be blinded by what we only see on the outside or on the surface. Drawing on that, mental health is something we can’t comprehend fully unless we dive into it deeply and learn it from inside out. Writing a post on this subject won’t be an easy task for me but regardless I feel a strong desire to say something about it. My intention is to break down the stereotype and bring an open conversation to the table, in the hope that will change the way we view mental health – to be less judgmental and more open-minded. Here we go…

In the early part of 2016, my company was looking to move to new premises. As an Office Manager, I was called upon to assist with the relocation alongside my boss, CEO of the company. In the process, we worked closely with a property broker whose primary role was to assess and screen properties on the market, then advise us if anything that may be of any interest to our company. If we liked what was presented, she’d go ahead and arrange open inspections for us to attend. From there, it’d be as simple as meeting with commercial real estate agents and commercial property managers on site, who’d then give us a guided tour around the office floors while discussing our needs and requirements etc. On a typical day, we’d inspect 3 to 4 offices in succession. As a first timer, it was a great learning experience for me.

Well into the second week of inspections, we had already seen a considerable number of offices in the city and the North Sydney CBD areas. None of them seemed to offer something that quite met our budget’s bottom line or suited the team size. Compounded by the lease with the previous landlord that was due to expire soon, we were under increasing pressure to find a right office in a very a short time.

Later that week, just when we thought we had enough of it and decided to call it a day, we were suggested at the last minute to inspect one more property before we’d start it all over again the next day. My boss agreed to give it a shot and that’s when we met Daniel, the commercial property manager for this office now which we’ve been leasing and called it our own since. Daniel arrived a few minutes late for our appointment and was very apologetic for it. It really didn’t bother us at all. I just wanted this to be over and done with like others. Seeing him break out in sweat, I immediately felt a bit empathetic. He must’ve just finished one job and rushed to get here to meet us. My first impression of him was his massive build and over-the-top height. I didn’t know who he was in terms of his public profile till my boss recognised him as a former sportsperson. Judging by his credentials, on paper, it looked like he’d got his life figured out, had a successful career in professional sport, a degree from one of the top ten universities in the world, a great transition into a business/civilian life post sports.

Shortly after, we signed the lease and it was all business as usual going forward. Then almost a year later, came a dramatic turn of events. I received a shocking news from my boss saying Daniel has passed away. The tragic loss of his life was confirmed a suicide. I was speechless. I only saw him talking on the phone in the lobby less than 2 weeks ago. I remember he briefly nodded his head when our eyes met. What made it hard to take was Daniel fitted the stereotype of what we perceived as a tall, strong, masculine man and an elite athlete. So, automatically we assumed someone like him was supposed to be a role model, stay at the peak and on top form physically, emotionally and in all pursuits, aligned with what the society expected. Nevertheless, from my limited interactions with Daniel, on a professional level, he came across as a polite human being with a gentle soul and a sensitive heart, contrary to his stereotyped public figure image.

Enough said up to this point but the question now is: Where do we go from here? Looking around, our lives, people, space and things, how do we measure up? Shouldn’t we come clean and get real about the yardstick for success or happiness? Can’t we give our vulnerability more recognition it so deserves and be open, comfortable and OK with it? Paradoxically, when we can, it means we’ve seen the power in vulnerability and turned it into strength…

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The Healing Power Of A Man-To-Man Talk

Guys are notorious for their reluctance to speak their mind or share their feelings or thoughts when going through some tough time. The stigma of showing the vulnerabilities for men is so great that we’d rather bottle things up than risk looking weak and fragile in front of everyone.

As a man, what’s your own coping mechanism? Do you tend to put on a brave face? When it comes to mental health, most guys are probably guilty of this: Sweeping the issues under the carpet and not dealing with them. It may help save our faces in the short term but later it’s bound to backfire and explode.

Believe or not, the average time it takes to secure an appointment these days is five weeks. So busy and so time poor! This kind of timeframe seems unrealistic if you just want to have a quick catch up with your mate. No wonder there are more people nowadays connect with each other electronically than those face to face. For me, I often work around my schedule on a moment notice or better yet spontaneously. But one week ago, I changed it – my ritual a bit. I sent an “early” invitation to a business-associate-turned-friend Huw to see if he is free to catch up one day in the next week or so. I told him from the outset that I have a special voucher for a complimentary cocktail at Amora Hotel Jamison Sydney for myself and a guest, hoping it’d be enough to lure him to join me for a sip. Luckily, it all worked out well for both of us, so we decided to meet up the following Tuesday.

Shortly after he accepted my invitation, I had this faint idea that I’ll just spend one good hour with him. To get the ball rolling, I thought I’d start off by talking about my recent blog posts. The rest we could just go with the flow.

On the day we joined up at the meeting point, we both arrived early. No time to waste! We started chatting away while making our way to the hotel. Once we got to the bar, I was in an even chattier mood thanks to the aesthetic effects of the bar setting and the exotic flavours of the cocktail drinks.

As time went by, I found myself telling Huw more about my vulnerable stuff. Funnily enough, I noticed that he started to reveal his side of vulnerabilities to me, too. A sign that we had built a mutual trust. We covered a wide range of topics like job security, career reinvention, stress in life, mental health, physical health, hair loss, fears, anxiety, Cal Newport’s Deep Work and Mel Robbin’s Five Second Rule and so on.

By the time we were about to wrap up and call it a day, almost 2 hours had passed. It felt as if I’d just got out of a therapy session. I realised things meant to be uncertain or unknown would remain the way they were supposed to be or intended. It’s called the future for a reason. I still had the same fears or anxiety before and after I walked into and out of the door. But the difference is in knowledge. I’d always thought I was alone in some way or had bigger or unique issues than all other guys. It turned out some of us are actually in the same boat. Through a candid man-to-man talk like ours, it’s helped me see the light and understand the healing power of sharing vulnerability between men. And, that’s just one talk alone, imagine if we do more of it…