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Good Bye Bad Luck

Bad luck. The bad news is: It happens to everyone. It’s part of life. The good news is: It has an expiry date. It doesn’t last.

I recently had a talk with my mentor Steve about a string of unfortunate events that’d happened to me. I attributed them all to one thing: Bad luck. Instead of going along with it, he simply said: No, I don’t think it’s bad luck, that’s life!

It got it.

Generally we describe bad luck as something happens in a wrong place at a wrong time. For the sake of argument, any place can be a wrong place and any time can be a wrong time. Bad luck is so random that no one can say conclusively it follows a particular format or formula.

Some say everything happens for a reason. But more often than not we have doubts about what constitutes a good reason. Even we have a good reason to believe it, it doesn’t necessarily take away or lessen the pain.

2020 it sucks, big time. As the year draws to a close, let’s hope we all finish on a good note. The other day I felt a bit hopeless when I was having flashbacks to those sagas in my life. You can’t help but wonder: OK, bad luck comes in threes, now one out of way, what’s next?

Perhaps it’s not all the doom and gloom. Everyone has that fighting spirit they can call on. The moment I started to feel hopeful is when I faced up to the reality and did something about it. Actually, there’s a bunch of people who will lend you a helping hand if you ask. I must also stress: Don’t use shortcuts to solve your problem. Do it properly. Even if it means going the extra mile, you do it once and for all. You’ll thank yourself for it later.

Friends and family can give us a sympathetic ear in our hour of need, but they can only take so much. For matters that are trickier or more technical, it’s better if we consult with professionals for their expertise and pay them for their services.

Bad luck isn’t the be-all and end-all. When you take the bad with the good and when you take a bold step to deal with a mess it leaves behind, you’ll discover strengths and patience that you didn’t know you had. And that’s your secret weapon…

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Become A Real Influencer

Your voice may have a far-reaching effect than you realize.

Should I or shouldn’t I? When we can’t make up our minds, we normally turn to our family or friends for advice. Sometimes they express their views based on own preferences or biases, which may not serve our best interest. Other times they’re just like us, have no clue themselves. Wat do you do in this instance? Where would you seek a second opinion? Well, that’s when Google search engine comes in.

One day last week I woke up having this compulsion. I felt an overwhelming urge to buy one of those Samsung new tablets on the market. I’d done my research, I’d watched those product reviews on YouTube, I’d been thinking about it for days and I could afford it. What am I waiting for? Well, I only had one last hurdle to cross – To convince myself that I really need one.

Before I got too carried away, I thought I’d better check on Google to see if anyone had written anything about it. So, on the search box I typed in a sentence: Do I need to buy a tablet? Within seconds, a whole range of related sites popped up in front of me. As I was scrolling, I found a post written in 2018 to be very helpful.

Even though it was published a while ago, the information in the article is still relevant to today. The writer presented both sides of the argument for and against with the bold headings: Reasons to buy and Reasons not to buy.

After reading through some key points, I decided: I don’t need one, I’m not going to buy one.

The writer of this post is what I call a real influencer. I bet he wouldn’t have thought of that.

Let’s face it, what we’ve written on social media or in our blogs are short-lived. Because it comes and goes, it’s easy to think that it may not have an impact on others in any way, shape or form. Think again! Two weeks or two months or two years from now, some random readers out there may come across your writing and find it super useful and valuable.

Want to become a real influencer? A real influencer is here for the long-haul. The curve will certainly go up and down but you never know how far your writing will travel to and how many lives it’ll touch…

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Do We Attract To What We Try To Avoid?

A couple of recent incidents got me thinking about The Law of Attraction.

While we all want to attract good fortunes to our lives, sometimes we inadvertently “invite” opposites to ourselves, too.

To write a post about this topic while I’m still living through the aftermath of the events is not easy. But as I found out many times in the past, writing is healing. So, I’m going to hold on one more time.

How did it all begin? Let me set the scene first. Last Sunday was a scorching hot day reaching 40 degrees ℃. On top of that, the wild gusty winds only intensified and made it worse.

It’d be no fun to engage in any outdoor activities under these conditions. Given the soaring heat might do some damage to the wheels of my car, I decided to postpone my beach day till Tuesday when the forecast said it was going to be mild.

When Tuesday came, I did exactly that – driving to a beach! After only 5 minutes on the road, I noticed a driver in the next lane wanting to tell me something. I opened the window and heard him saying: You’ve got a flat tyre at the back. At first, I thought he was joking as I hadn’t felt any difference. But later I started to feel a bit funny, so I decided to turn back and check what was going on. And? Yes, he was right. I’ve got a flat tyre! The last thing I needed. First things first, I quickly called roadside assistance for help.

OK, it was bad luck. But I should also factor in another thing – I took a different route, instead of an usual route to avoid a traffic jam.

The whole thing led me to think: Do we attract to what we try to avoid?

The incident ruined my plan, it was inconvenient and annoying. But later that day I asked myself this question: Can I take the bad with the good?

Yes, I was grateful for the driver in the next lane, I almost ignored him. If not for him, I could’ve been in a worse situation – a car accident or something. I was also thankful for the guy from roadside assistance who came to my aid. He changed the flat tyre and replaced it with a spare tyre I had in the back of my car. While waiting for him to do the job, there was a raging storm happening. I remember he said at least we are inside the car park, not outside getting wet!

I finished the day on a positive note.

Just when I thought I’d got my fair share of bad luck, another incident soon followed two days later. It was spooky but a long story short. To comply with a scheduled clean of the garage area, I needed to remove my car from the parking lot and leave it on the street unattended. I thought I was already out, why not stopping by a tyre shop to get the flat tyre repaired.

For the sake of easy parking and some better Google reviews, I picked this tyre shop in a less busier street, instead of the one next to the highway.

While there, I was told to park my car in the designated service area. To do that, I’d have to reverse a little and then make a left turn towards it. Within seconds, I heard a big bang. My heart sank when I realized my car had hit their front gate.

It was way more than I’d bargained for. I was meant to go there to solve a small problem – a flat tyre, now I got myself a bigger problem – a smashed car. More money will go out the window. I was in disbelief.

What can I say? Or more importantly, what can I learn from these? Don’t tempt fate? Don’t try to get things done in a rush or at your convenience? Don’t open the floodgates to mishaps? Better leave nothing to chance?

Things I tried to avoid, ended up happening in succession. Perhaps avoidance is another form of reinforcement.

I’m still upset over the latest episode. Part of me wants to figure everything out, but another part me wants to let it go. At the end of the day, it’s only a car. As time goes by, I feel I’m leaning more towards to forgiving myself. And I will not try to avoid it this time…

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How To Thrive In A New Country

Real life is very different from those glossy advertisements.

Moving in to a new city or a new country can be an unnerving experience. Starting from scratch comes with uncertainties. If you are someone who’s been planning on studying, working or residing in a new country when the border is reopen, chances are you will meet with some surprises along the way. No one can predict what lies ahead. But with preparation and a good strategy in place, you can make the transition a lot smoother.

If you’re going to overseas, obviously, you don’t just show up at the airport with your suitcases and a dream. Psych yourself up, once you’ve arrived at the destination, you’re at the point of no return, at least for the duration of your intended stay.

Whether you land in a new country as an expat, an overseas student or an immigrant, below is a short list of things to look out for when choosing a new place to live:

  1. If you are relative new to the city, it’s best if you choose a furnished apartment at first and make sure it’s close to public transport and shops.
  2. If your family is staying with you, make sure you are there for each other and watch out for possible signs of mental health especially when things get tough.
  3. If you are bringing kids along, time carefully. Make sure they don’t miss out on schooling for too long.

Having been living in Australia for over 30 years, I’ve seen many people come and go. Everyone is different and various factors can come into play. I have concluded 3 common deal breakers:

The number one deal breaker is: The language barrier.

It can make or break your chances of survival. If you come from a non-English speaking background, it’s so important to gain a working knowledge of the new language beforehand. To make your life easier in new surroundings, at least you need to know what to say when you shop.

The number two deal breaker is: Unemployment.

If you don’t have a regular source of income to rely on, you will feel the crunch. It’s important to give yourself a realistic expectation when it comes to landing a job. A good question to ask yourself is: Are you able to support yourself in the next 6 months under these circumstances? If the answer is No, then you will need to have a plan B or even a plan C.

The number three deal breaker is: Personal reasons.

Some new comers still feel out of place or displaced after a few years. I found this to be true particularly among the older generations. Perhaps they have problem adjusting to the weather, the lifestyle, the food or the culture.

All in all, moving in to a new country is like living a life in the fast lane. It can present many opportunities to you. But bear in mind, it’s not a one way ticket nor a one way road. Give yourself time. If it doesn’t work out for you at the end, know you have options. Feel free to change to the slower lane or make an u turn. You can start somewhere again…

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Why Do I Fast?

Living in the the Western world means food scarcity is hardly an issue. The abundance of food we have, we can easily take it for granted.

We buy food, we consume food and we dispose of food. This is a typical cycle of a food journey in many households.

The majority of people I know eat three meals a day. I used to be one of them, too. When I still lived at home with mum and dad over a decade ago, I never had to worry about cooking. All I did was turning up at meal times.

Then one day my lifestyle changed. I bought a place, I moved out, I had a mortgage to pay, I had to do my own grocery shopping and all that. Say hello to crunch time! For a year or two, I still managed to eat three meals a day, but as life got tougher, it became increasingly difficult for me to keep up with all the logistics that came along with it.

So, I decided to make things easier – Why don’t I just skip one meal and only eat two meals a day? – lunch and dinner or breakfast and dinner, whichever suits me that day.

I admit, it was purely out of laziness why I made this change. Some of my colleague noticed that I wasn’t eating at work and asked me why, my answer was always the same – I just can’t be bothered.

It’s amazing how our bodies can quickly adapt and adjust to a new routine if we persist long enough. Of course, I did feel hungry at times especially in the very beginning when I was trying it out but somehow I managed to work around it. It’s funny how laziness can also work for you, rather than against you in some rare cases. This is definitely one of them.

The reason why I continue my two-meals-per-day eating plan is because it fits into my lifestyle well. I don’t need to shop as often, I don’t spend as much time and money on food preparations as often. I know this is not for everyone but as a time poor person, I’m loving it.

What about health? Has my health been impacted upon as a result of it? Well, none of tests and checks I have done suggest I need to increase food consumption. So, I’m happy to leave it at that.

Nowadays I stay at home a lot more, the amount of calories I will require on a daily basis is probably less than when I was a full time employee working in the corporate world. I don’t know why it is but every time after breakfast, my energy begins to wane rapidly. I simply sit there and can’t stop yawning. It annoys me when I am not productive.

Lately, by that I means in the last two weeks, I started to make a further change on my diet – something even more drastic – skipping breakfast every other day. That is to say, one day I will only have one meal – dinner, the next day I will have two meals – breakfast and dinner.

Since putting this plan into practice, I’ve seen an increase on my energy level.

I don’t need medical evidence to tell me why I no longer feel too tired or too lethargic to do anything. Giving it time, a human body will present itself as a living proof. As I write this, I have only drunk water since I woke up today. Well into the night, I feel I’m still at my peak – my thinking is clear, my mind is responsive and my body is active.

The benefits of fasting are well documented. Everyone has different dietary needs depending on their own situations or personal preferences. There’s no one size fits all. As a grown adult, fasting is a choice I made for myself.

As I am about to wrap up this post, it’s also about time to finish fasting. I am very much looking forward to my dinner time tonight and when I have it, I know I will be full of gratitude and appreciation…

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Don’t Beat Yourself Up

On the surface, beating yourself up looks like a righteous thing to do, but beneath it, it’s all about judging yourself.

Before I finished my last post and published it, I’d wasted hours and days of my time on something totally unrelated to writing. For example, browsing through social media, watching some YouTube videos. It’s true that they kept me engaged and entertained, but after a while, a guilty pleasure turned into a guilty displeasure, soon I started to criticise myself for the earlier inaction.

Sure, cut me some slack, but to tell myself it’s OK when I don’t feel OK is not easy. I am not convinced. Perhaps it’s time for a new strategy, to take on a gentler, kinder approach that is.

So, I came up with this metaphor which I was hoping would stop me from being in a rut: Those time wasters are like a long warm-up session before a real workout begins.

OK, it may sound like I was justifying myself or looking for a way out of my procrastination. I get it. It probably didn’t make much sense, but the bottom line is I’ve got nothing to lose anyway.

And the verdict? It helped. I simply dived right in to my writing routine and the rest is history.

What’s the good of beating yourself up? None. Next time when you catch yourself doing it, tell yourself: Enough!

You’ve paid your dues, don’t beat yourself up. Now it’s time to make up for lost time…

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Ask Why

It’s hard to say No except when you say it to yourself.

In the past two weeks we had a few good days of rain. The upside was that it made staying home extra appealing. The downside was that it could derail your usual routine, for example, in my case it was the morning exercise routine.

I was having one of those days – my motivation was running low. I just didn’t feel like doing it. The excuse I gave myself was: it’s raining outside. Of course, weather permitting or not, there’s a way around it. Not all forms of exercise require you to venture outside or use gym equipment. There’re plenty of other choices. Use imagination and creativity. That’s why they’re there for.

I nearly succeeded in talking myself out of it. But I stepped back, took a brief moment to ask myself this: Why did I even do it in the first place and why have I kept it up since? The answer was short and sweet: For the health benefits.

A simple act of asking myself why set the next trajectory in motion. I no longer needed motivation or any convincing evidence to exercise. I got the answer of why I’ve continued up to that point.

Before I knew it, I was walking out the door, jumping straight into doing my daily stretching routine in the rain! Well, it wasn’t too bad. I only got slightly wet. I didn’t care if it was a stupid thing to do. There’s something about rain that is quite romantic – it cleanses you. It raises your game.

That’s the thing, when you’ve formed a good habit of doing something regularly like exercise, it’ll become automatic going forward, your body needs it like fish needs water. You don’t question it again and again. But life isn’t always smooth sailing. There’ll be a time when don’t feel like it. Missing once or twice is no big deal. No one is keeping score anyway. Be aware! Soon enough, it’ll be a downward spiral or a vicious cycle. A bad habit is waving at you, luring you to the other end.

What do you value most at this stage of life? I’m someone who takes pride in self care and good health. To maintain it is non-negotiable. I like what someone said on a podcast the other day: When you don’t make a decision yourself, your body will make it for you. It can’t be more true!

I admit I’m not always on the right track. Every now and then, I’ll come up with some excuses of not doing it. A quick Q an A time with self can help turn things around. By asking yourself why, it leads you to knowing why, by knowing why, it leads you to doing why…

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Let’s Spread Kindness

Two weeks ago I had a need to go to the city CBD. It was the first time since I left my job in March. I was there for a potential employment opportunity so it was hard to say No.

A few days before taking the trip, I was at home feeling quite anxious and worried. I didn’t know what to expect. The once familiar bus commute now comes with a new twist – social distancing and wearing a mask.

Normally I would say hello to a bus driver as soon as I get on, but that day this guy on duty seemed indifferent and not interested so I said no words instead. I must stress I am not complaining here. Imagine a day in the life of a bus driver during the pandemic. Let’s try to put ourselves in their shoes and show some understanding and empathy.

Carefully I looked around, there were a few people at the back but none of them was too close to me. I guess I just wanted to make sure my own safety along the way.

A few stops later, the bus started to have more passengers coming in, those empty seats nearby were then quickly taken. As the bus was getting close to its allowable capacity, I could feel my stress level going up. The fear of contamination caused my body to react, in a subtle way – my posture became a bit rigid and stiff while my whole body began to tense up. When the short 20 minute trip was finished, a sense of relief was written all over my face. When I got off, it was “a breath of fresh air” the 2020 edition.

What can I say? All aboard, welcome to the new world order today!

While some cities or countries are still on lockdown, banning their residents from going out, I won’t be surprised if many people in our community simply choose not to go out themselves. Mental health has taken a hit. We all need to be kinder and more patient to ourselves and towards others.

By now we are all used to the new hygiene practice against the spread of coronavirus – social distancing, use hand sanitiser, check body temperature, wear a mask upon entering a store. Just the other day when I was doing grocery shopping at a local supermarket, I noticed something interesting but a slightly outrageous scene – a female shopper carrying a trolley full of items, all were wrapped in individual plastic bags.

Being an OCD person, I could understand why she was doing what she was doing – to protect and prevent contamination of germs and viruses. But even to me it was a bit overkill.

Part of me wanted to wear a badge of environmentalist and tell her off, hey you should not be using so many plastic bags unnecessarily. But I gave up the idea. Why? I didn’t know her. I didn’t know her life. I didn’t know what was going through her mind.

Everyone reacts differently to this pandemic. Different age groups have different risk factors and concerns associated with it. Some people’s coping mechanisms may look rather odd, weird, out of ordinary or over the top. But let’s not be too quick to judge others. Cut them some slack.

No doubt coronavirus is highly contagious and spreading fast across the globe, but so can we make kindness…

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Buy Back Attention

I was planning on writing this post 3 days ago but I kept getting distracted. When facing a blank page, you soon realise just how much work you need to do before thoughts can be put into words.

Sure, it’s much easier to browse through some social media feeds, reading other people’s posts or watching their YouTube videos, than spend time to create your own work. Honestly, if I don’t produce another post, the world will still go around, no one would care.

But I do care, I simply can’t quieten that voice on the back of my mind.

Why attention? The other day I was driving my brother and my parents to a beach, I noticed my brother kept commenting on the scenes outside while we were talking about something else. Not that he meant to interrupt our conversation or wanted to change the subject but he simply got distracted by each passing traffic. And? My way to stopping him from being distracted was to continue talking about the topics we were on before.

A typical type of so-in-your-face distraction is ads. Look around, they are just about everywhere. Of course, they exist for a reason, love it or hate it, the bottom line is they want to find ways to getting into your head, so you don’t forget.

Let’s say you are watching one of your favourite YouTube clips, then out of blue, a couple of ads pop up one after another, you feel annoyed so decide to click a skip ad button. But if the same ads repeat often enough, they will be stuck in your head in no time. Any tricks? Lately, I’ve started to let those ads run freely but while pressing the mute on the speakers.

Remember the phrase “selective hearing”? I admire those people who have such an ability. They can focus on only what they want to hear and block out all other noises. Whether it’s your thing or not, in this day and age, we can’t literally take all in, being selective is really the way to go. How we treat our attention should be in the same way we treat our most valuable commodity – time.

They say it’s all in your head. I agree. But more precisely, I think it’s all in your attention. What we pay attention to has consequences. It will pretty much set the course of your day. In my case, I ended up procrastinating and postponing this post for 3 days.

It may sound ironic but perhaps distraction is a homework I had to do, a warm-up session I had to take part in before qualifying myself to write about attention. In the process, I’ve learned that attention is really a choice, a decision. It’s a split second thing you do, but the outcome can make a world of difference. How I bought my attention back, is by obeying and bowing to that nagging voice in my head – paying attention to writing.

Now this post is done, it’s time to cut myself some slack…

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An Ordinary Day

Looking at the title of this post, if you say you are going to yawn, I won’t blame you.

Our day out at the beach was such a low-key affair that there is probably not much I can write about it.

Somehow, a narrative I keep coming up with is more or less along the lines of “simplicity”. I think it will be a good starting point to begin this post.

It’s easy to dismiss an ordinary day outright and believe there is nothing worth raving about. If something is too small to get noticed, we probably think it’s too trivial and insignificant, right? Think about fine print. Arguably, it’s small, hidden, tricky and not obvious to our eyes but when we read it, we discover something important in it.

I took my parents and my brother to this quiet beach for a reason – to get some fresh air, get our bodies moving, relax, and enjoy the view. This affluent seaside suburb surely lived up to its reputation allowing us to do just that.

With no crowd in sight on this day, just a few people scattered over the shore, it was indeed a safe haven from the outside world. No loud music, no big cheers, no large gatherings, just the sunshine, the sea breeze, the sand and the calm waves. Everyone simply “behaved themselves” and went about their own businesses – having a dip, building sand castles, going for a stroll or sunbathing. It’s simplicity that makes an ordinary day extraordinary.

Often it takes a significant event like the coronavirus pandemic to make us realize how precious an ordinary life is. While other parts of the world are still battling with a second wave of the outbreak, Sydney, our city continues to make good progress. We have seen daily new cases consistently stay in the low two-digit or single-digit range since July. As such, the government decided to ease restrictions and give residents a high degree of freedom. Counting our blessings, people can lead their lives and run their businesses as “normal” as possible.

How do we embrace our ordinary day and see something extraordinary in it?

For me, it requires slowing down, taking a step back and reviewing it from that angle and perspective. By writing this post, I suddenly realise, those so-called small things in life aren’t that small after all. They reason why they look small is because we haven’t given them enough our attention…