Month: May 2018

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Do You Need A Label To Feel Validated?

What’s your label? Is it really yours?

Miran, I met her through an ex-partner of mine in the summer of 2006. At that time, they both still worked in the HR department @ Cisco Systems Australia in Sydney. Long story short, I ran into Miran again a few years later. A small world! Back then she was renting a place in my block so literally she became my neighbour ever since. If you’ve been reading my blog, she was the person I mentioned about on my second post titled “A Winning Attitude As A Catalyst for Change”. We hit it off straight away second time round. It seemed that we had tons of stuff to talk about. We could go on for hours, especially on the topics of life, career and relationships. This story I’m going to share here had a profound impact on me.

Miran grew up in a so-called average family in South Korea, not rich, not poor either. Life couldn’t have been more ordinary in her youth. However, things started to change on the day her mother remarried to a successful man, a solicitor magnate. Consequently, she was no longer just someone’s daughter, she was a solicitor magnate’s daughter – giving her privileges she would’ve never dreamed of, such as a golf membership and other events or functions that we’d normally associate with rich and famous people in an affluent area or those hold a higher socioeconomic status. With an uplift in her living condition and identity, came a shift in how people viewed her as a person. In her own admission, people started to pay close attention when she spoke – something that she had rarely experienced before her mother’s second marriage. It was so obvious that it didn’t take long for her to realize that her ever increasing popularity had something to do with her stepfather’s success.

Many years have passed, armed with a postgraduate degree in Change Management from UNSW and an amazing career under her belt, she’s made a name for herself but never for once acted like she is somebody. The “label” she is wearing is something of her very own.

Everyone wears a label. Having a right one, you will get your foot in the door or get a head start somewhere. That said, if you have humble beginnings, that’s OK. No big deal. After all, what really fascinates and inspires us and ultimately gets our attention and validation is a win achieved by the least unexpected – an underdog…

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Look After Number One

How do you keep a work-life balance? What about when you are unwell? Which side will you be leaning towards?

Winter is just around the corner in the southern hemisphere. With colder months ahead, there’s no better time than now to do something to get the immune system up and keep the cold and flu at bay. After catching a bad cold in October 2017 that lasted for a month – the longest I could remember, I decided to get a flu shot this year to protect myself against 4 major types of flu viruses. It may sound like a simple, logical move to some but to me – not a fan for needles and this type of immunisation, I needed to do my homework before I could convince myself and get past that mental block.

The flu fact sheet at hand was my first point of reference. It had some invaluable information and a useful Q and A section. After reading it, I no longer had any doubts. The next thing I knew, I was rolling up my sleeve and ready for the flu vaccination. A few seconds later, the nurse smiled and said: done. It was that quick and that easy. A small step but it set the tone for the next thing to come – number one.

Looking around, recently my manager has taken some time off from work to look after his dad who’s been in and out of hospital since suffering an unforeseen heart problem. When possible, he’d still come in to work for half of a day or so then leave in the afternoon to see his dad during the visitor time. While he’s tried to keep the disruption to a minimal, he’s clearly demonstrated the importance of looking out for number one and getting the priorities right, guilt free. When he was away, it was business as usual. The team still pulled together to get the job done, seemingly unaffected by his absence.

The notion of number one was a bit challenge for me. All because I was someone who used to believing that taking sick leave was for the weak, a sign of weakness. No longer! No one is made of steel, people do get sick and our bodies need time and space to recover from illness and avoid passing it on to others if contagious.

So, number one has been said, next, what is number two? – A notice I sent to my manger to tell him that I’m due for a couple of medical appointments in the following two weeks… Take care!

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It’s Not Strange To Talk To Strangers, Sometimes

Does the idea of talking to strangers appeal to you? I understand it’s probably not everyone’s cup of tea but we don’t have to avoid it at all costs either.

Recently I’ve stepped out my comfort zone and started to make small talk with a selected range of strangers in public. It’s a mixed bag – both exhilarating and intimidating.

You can expect it’d be a lot easier if you have a dog with you. I’ve seen how quickly people drop their guard and come for a chat. My dog (Jamie) is way more popular than me. I don’t deny it. He draws lots of attention wherever he goes. Why wouldn’t he? A cutie like him. I can learn so much from his natural charisma.

Not surprisingly, the more comfortable you are with who you are, the more natural the interaction will flow through between you and a stranger. Personally, to reach that level of comfort and authenticity in front of someone you’ve never met and spoken with, it requires some mental preparation to begin with. I generally start it off by having a rough draft in my head, typically a very short sentence/question, then 123 I just dive straight into it. Then just let the nature takes its own course. It’s a matter of relying on my intuitions and spontaneity. Whatever comes out of it, it’s meant to be that way.

I admit I get cold feet at times particularly when I’m not sure if my unsolicited approach will be well-received. What would they think of me? Would they think I’m a freak or a weirdo?What if I get rejected? However most of my experiences so far have been pleasant.

I’ve chatted with people from other floors, overseas tourists, sales clerks at a department store, a commuter at the same bus stop, a pub manager, a construction worker, a surveyor, a drone pilot assistant, a film director to name just a few. Overall, strangers aren’t that scary. Almost everyone has a story to tell and to share.

The common denominator that I’ve found is that people appreciate the fact that you tell it like it is and aren’t trying to impose something on them, be it an idea, a concept, an ideology, a belief, a view or a product. The less judgmental and opinionated you are, the better you are reciprocated, even if you appear a bit lost, shaky, nervous, vulnerable or curious.

They say stranger are just friends you haven’t met yet. I can relate to it. The beauty of talking to strangers is you’ll probably never meet them again…

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Learn Things The Hard Way

I’ve recently resumed my lunch time activity – walk. Barangaroo Reserve is my new favourite place to go out and about and stretch my legs around Sydney CBD. It has everything I wanted – quiet, convenient and clean. One mid afternoon last week, I decided to explore the area again, on foot at my own leisure pace of course. I don’t run. It was after 2 PM, that time of the day most workers in the city would’ve finished their lunch and gone back to their offices already. With that in mind, I was looking forward to being outside in a less crowded space on this autumn sunny day.

On my way, I saw a woman on a pavement, standing right next to a street rubbish bin, with a cigarette on one hand, looking rather stressed out. The effects of nicotine didn’t seem enough to take away a deep frown, a serious look on her face. She was just a normal person smoking legally in an open public space during her break. There was nothing out of ordinary about it. Well, it didn’t strike me at first glance but it did only a few seconds later when I noticed the size of her tummy. I thought: Are you for real? You are pregnant and you are smoking! Why?! Being disturbed by what I’d just seen, I felt compelled to walk up to her and tell her to stop. But then I thought: Who am I to judge her? What if she’s a bit overweight, not really pregnant? I have no connection to this person anyway. So, I resisted it, walked away and continued on my own business.

More than an hour later, walking on my way back, I happened to see the same woman again on the same spot doing exactly the same thing – smoking her second cigarette in a matter of one hour. This time round I had an even stronger urge to tell her to “do the right thing” but I decided to stay silent and leave her alone.

When I took a moment to reflect on this, I wondered if there was something I could’ve done better or more. I concluded: No. The beauty of being an adult is we make our own decisions and choices but inevitably we also take our own responsibility. As much as we’d like to help others, and save them from going astray, it’s sad but true and like it or not, some people have to learn things the hard way…